This is the first time in a long time. Ive got a hot cuppa tea, Eme sound asleep, and no other distractions or thoughts running through my head.

Blog posts....here I come!

Remind me again why I'm doing this?

If stress brings on an early labour, I wouldn't be surprised if this baby decided to come next week! I may need to start collecting people's guesses and estimates soon!!

I have never been so stressed in my life. Getting married was nothing compared to this...neither was giving birth! (or the stress involved in the leadup to that big moment!)

I have 3 exams this week. Mon, Tues and Thurs. and I have never felt so inadequate or stressed in my entire life.

I have been studying everyday for the last 2 weeks (not including all the study in the weeks beforehand) and nothing is sticking. Most people make jokes about baby brain, but I truly think it really is something chemical inside the head that goes astray. I can't remember to put my pants on the right way or drop Russell off at the correct workplace, let alone all the ins and outs of the human body...and they tell me this is very basic human biology.

I have spent this afternoon crying, a couple days last week crying, and I am physically exhausted. I can study a module all day and night, and come to refresh myself the next morning, and it's like I'm reading a foreign language. It just does not make sense and I cannot understand any of the concepts.

Why am I studying this? Why am I not studying where my natural talents and gifts flow? This would be so much easier if I was studying the Arts or Teaching, but no, I want to be a midwife.

I've decided that I may need to defer my studies until we have had all our children. This is really hard for me as I want it all now! I want the 4/5 kids, but I want to be a student at the same time. I'm realising that I made my choice when I was 24 and had Eme and that I am just going to have to live with the consequences. I absolutely love being a mum, and I would give up anything for my children, and this is one of things. I need to put aside my own selfishness and put my children and husband first. I'll get there one day...just not in my own timeframe (funny that isn't it!)

If anyone is reading this, I could really use your prayers. I've been praying for the last 6 months for God's help, and I still feel like I'm doing this on my own...so some intercessory prayer is definately what I need.

Well....oh my....it has been a long time. And I am quickly losing interest in starting every post with that!

I always think that I can do it all. Mother, Student, Wife, plus all the other things I like to fit in between. Like knitting home made items and cooking up a storm, and the occassional thought of overseas mission trips and of starting up charities!

I'm only just starting to realise that I CAN'T do it all. But I very rarely will ever admit that. Not until I'm curled up in a foetus position crying for a day. Even then, I get up the next day just as determined to do it all.

I've really enjoyed being at Uni so far this year, but I've had to make my sacrifices. I either sacrifice time spent with Emery and Russell, or I sacrifice study time. Plus I feel like I've sacrificed the time normally spent bonding with the baby I'm carrying. I have no real connection to this baby yet and I'm concerned that this could lead to Post-natal depression later down the track.

My last exam for Uni will be on the 16th of June, so I'm just counting down the days till then. Then I feel like I'll be able to get back on top of everything. Back to being a real mother and wife. Then I get selfish though and wish I wasn't having this baby so that I could return to my studies next semester. That's when the thoughts of "I can do it!" come in and I start to toy with the idea of having this baby in amongst my studies in the second semester. But I also don't like admiting or thinking these things just in case God decides to take this baby from me! Argh!

2 weeks ago Russell's Pop passed away on a Saturday morning. He was like a real Pop to me. He and Nan were the only one's to really accept me into the family and make me feel at home. To have pure acceptance with no strings attached...it's very rare to find that. But he and Nan have passed away this year and it feels as though the Ingram side of the family are a little lost without them. We had Pop's funeral on the following Thurs. morning. At which, I received a phone call from my dad saying that my Pop had passed away that morning. So then, Sunday night I flew over to Sydney to join the Furlong family and to say goodbye to my Pop.

That was the most interesting, emotional, and stressful week I have ever had. All beginning with the flight over. It was a red-eye flight and I was flying with my sister and her daughter, no husbands. Eme was sick with a chest infection and didn't sleep most of the flight, and just as we started the descent into Sydney she vomitted everywhere. It wasn't just a little spew, I'm talking 5/6 big chucks. I had to strip her down (the poor passenger next to me was an angel and helped me incredibly) and she entered Sydney airport with just her socks on and bathrobe...hair full of vomit, walking around like one of those crazy women you see in the city sometimes (this IS Eme I'm talking about too!). I had only slept 1hr in the last 30+ hrs and burst into tears when my Dad and Uncle picked us up. I couldn't sleep during the day as I had gone past the point of sleeping and we all literally crashed into bed that night.

It was a long 4 days and I was starting to wonder whether I had made the right decision in going over, but once I got to the funeral, and the day was (mostly) about Pop I was thankful to have gone over. I loved my Pop. He was always fun and he was the only person who could get away with calling me 'Becky'. Which he did my ENTIRE life.

I missed Russell more than I ever have - I left him at the airport crying because I was going to miss him - and he picked me up crying because I had missed him so much! (Friggin' hormones)

It's amazing how much someone can squeeze their way into your life, to the point where you are feeling like something is missing when they are not around. We will celebrate 5yrs of marriage this June and it has gone so fast - but has been the best ride, thus far!

We are also in the middle of finding a new church. Seems we go on this journey every 2yrs or so, so in order to ensure that this DOESN'T become a 2yrly event, we are catching up with our old Bull Creek pastor & his wife to discuss church, spiritual and life issues. This has been really beneficial (after only one meeting anyway!) and it has been a real blessing to set aside time to discuss and pray intentionally about something so important.

We are alternating between going to Mosaic and Thornlie at the moment - but there are a few spanners that are being thrown into the works that are starting to make things difficult...again.

There wasn't really much point to this post...I guess I just felt the need to write this morning. Plus I'm procrastinating getting into some study. Who needs to know the ins and outs of cells anyway!

Sibi Update

Yesterday we got to go have an ultrasound to see everything was going well with Sibi.

They say that it is used to check for downs syndrome, but all I want to see is a heart beating.

Bub looks good and very different to Eme!! Heartbeat was 20bpm then Eme (Russell thinks this is because it is a boy) and was barely moving around. Was quite happy to just lay there crossing its legs and floating around! Eme at her 12wk ultrasound was bouncing all over the place!

Hopefully this means this bub will be a little more low-key than Eme...but I don't mind having two psycho's on my hands!

Hullo Everybody!!!

Resting hand over head

Quote of the day

"The love of liberty is the love of others;
the love of power is the love of ourselves"
- William Hazlitt

No more secrets

Ive had to remove the anonymous posting on this blog because I'm getting to many losers leaving silly advertising comments. This blog isn't a billboard.

Old News

So, you may or may not have heard through the grape vines, but we are having another baby!!

We are due the 24th of August and are just as excited as we were with Emery.

This pregnancy has been quite different to the last. While I was quite sick in the first 16wks with Eme, I haven't been all that sick this time. I just feel rotten most of the day and night. But I haven't been vomiting on trains...just the once on our front lawn :)

Last time all I thought about all day and night was the pregnancy and the baby, but this time I am too busy with Eme all day to give much thought to this pregnancy. At first I felt really bad because I was worried that I wouldn't love this baby as much, but after hearing a sermon by Erwin McManus, I realised that we don't have to 'split' our love between people, but that love grows. I felt a lot more confident and am still just as excited about this bub as I was about Eme.

Emery was known as the bub-o-luv, so this next bub will be referred to as 'Sibi'. Which is short for sibling. It's how we refer to the baby with Eme...trying to teach her to be a big sister to her sibi. She really has no idea, and I don't think she is going to take too well to having to share her parents, but I'm confident that we can still show her just as much love if not more when the new baby comes.

By around week 7 of this pregnancy, my belly button reverted to its 'old ways' and popped out :) I still don't show all that much, but it's funny how easily the body returns to pregnancy. It's an absolutely beautiful and amazing thing, and I am so blessed to be carrying this little one. We women are truly blessed.

Russell has been an absolute rock for me these past weeks. He has been on holidays for the last 6wks, and he has been the biggest help. He has changed sooooo many nappies, and looked after me every day, and never complains. I'm constantly apologising for ruining his holidays, but he is a gentleman and always says that they're not ruined. It's been interesting with him going back to work this week, but so far I've survived. You've just got to get on with it I guess!

I've also changed from full-time study to part-time this semester, and then I will have to take a break till the baby is old enough for me to return to study. Some people wonder why I'm even bothering, but I'd rather start now, otherwise I will never get to it. I'm slowly starting my journey to what I believe God has called me to (midwifery) and I believe that he will guide and lead me on this journey.

So, that's some of our news and I hope that I can keep you all regularly posted on how we're doing!

Watch this space!!!

Newest Edition to the Family!

I am an Auntie for the 3rd time over this week!

My brother and sister in law welcomed the arrival of their daughter, Evelyn Rochelle on the 13th.
Weighing a healthy 8lb9oz and 50cm long.

I unfortunately dont have any photos of her yet, because I left in such a rush to go meet her I forgot my camera :(

Congrats Robbo and Kayls! We are so happy for you and so thankful to God for the newest beautiful niece!

xoxoxoxo

A cleaner 2010

For Christmas, Russell got me the present I have been dreaming about for a couple of years.

A worm farm!!!!

I was SO excited! We FINALLY got to set it up yesterday and we've already dropped some of the waste that normally goes into our bin.

PLUS, we finally filled our veggie boxes with soil and we will get to use all the worm juice on our fruit and veggies. They love it :)

I'm so excited! I'm loving it! Things are starting to come together in our backyard finally. And we are LOVING spending time as a family in the backyard.

2010

Hmmmm....
Resolution for 2010.....
blog more!