Building Better Marriages

By Rob Furlong
Challenge Newspaper October 2004

An old friend of mine recently sent me the following humorous (but untrue!) story:

“A Husband Shopping Centre has opened in Atlanta, where a woman can go to choose from among many men to be her husband. It is laid out in five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascend.There is, however, a catch. You’re only allowed in once.
Once you open the door to any floor, you must choose a man from that floor. If you go up a floor, you can’t go back down except to exit the building.So, a woman goes to the shopping centre to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door says:

Floor 1: These men have jobs and love kids. The woman reads the sign. “Well, that’s better than not having jobs, or not loving kids, but I wonder what’s further up?” So up she goes.The second floor sign says:

Floor 2: these men have high paying jobs, love kids and are extremely good-looking. “Hmmm, better,” says the woman. “But I wonder what’s further up?”The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3: These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework. “Wow,” says the woman, “very tempting. BUT, there’s more further up!” And so again, she goes up. On the fourth floor the sign reads:

Floor 4: These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak. “Oh, mercy me.” (That’s how women talk in Georgia).“But just think .. what must be awaiting me further up?” So up to the fifth floor she goes. The sign on that door says:

Floor 5: This floor is just to prove that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping.”

We laugh at a story like that because we can all make points of contact with it but we also recognise that it does stereotype men and women.Far more damaging however, is the stereotyping of men and women by the advertising industry.

Mark Earley from the U.S.A. commented on this recently as he warned people about “Mooks” and “Midriffs”. Take a close look at what he says:

“On television, men are increasingly portrayed as perpetual adolescents: pre-occupied with sexual matters and incapable of meaningful conversation. One obvious example is Miller Lite’s controversial “Catfight” commercials. A discussion about the beer quickly degenerates into “an angry, clothes-shredding, wrestling match” between two women in a fountain. The ad then cuts to a bar where it turns out that the fight was merely a male fantasy: two guys’ idea of the perfect beer ad."

Then there’s the recent Domino’s Pizza ads in which men were explicitly compared to dogs, blindly running towards a ringing door bell in the expectation of their favourite pizza. Or car ads where young men are shown as incapable of any thought more substantial than which comic book character would win a hypothetical fight.

Advertisers claim that these ads provide an “insight into guys’ mentality.” But, as Douglas Rushkoff of New York University says, this portrayal of the American male, which he calls the “Mook,” is entirely “the creation of marketers.” It’s designed to sell guys things by appealing to an exaggerated version of their worst instincts.And, yes, there’s a female equivalent of the “mook”. Rushkoff calls her a “midriff”. She’s style-conscious and sexually precocious along the lines of a Britney Spears. Like the “mook” the “midriff” embodies advertisers’ ideal consumer of their goods and services.”

Here is my question then to those of you who regularly read this column:

From whom do you derive your idea of self from?

• Do you think you are a man because you are with a beautiful woman?
• Do you feel like a woman because there is a man in your life who idolises you?
• Or maybe you take your cues from the advertising industry?

If you answer yes to any of these then your house is built on very unstable ground. Our sense of worth, identity, who we are, is built on our relationship to God. We are made in His image, to bring Him glory. When we understand that we discover what it means to be a man or a woman and we also see the “Mook” and the “Midriff” for what they are: gross distortions of reality!

Creating True Intimacy

By Rob Furlong
Challenge Newspaper Aug 2008

Mention the word intimacy and you will likely receive a number of definitions. For some it means the feeling of closeness that is built through two people sharing together; for others, it is the sensation of physical touch. The Oxford Dictionary defines intimacy as being “close in acquaintance, familiar, friendship, close connexion, knowledge resulting from familiarity.” I like that last explanation: intimacy is “knowledge resulting from familiarity.” Put another way, intimacy is knowledge gained about someone because you are close to them.

It seems to me that our world tends to focus primarily on the idea that intimacy is about being sexual with each other and the more I read and listen, the more convinced I am that this area of our lives is treated with great casualness by people. Perhaps an example from the writer, Naomi Wolf, will explain what I mean:

“I am noting that the power and charge of sex are maintained when there is some sacredness to it… I will never forget a visit I made to Ilana, an old friend… when I saw her again… I could not get over it. Ilana has waist length, wild and curly golden-blonde hair. ‘Can’t I even see your hair?’ I asked, trying to find my old friend in there. ‘No,’ she demurred quietly. ‘Only my husband,’ she said with a calm sexual confidence, ‘ever gets to see my hair.’ …She must feel, I thought, so hot.”

Wolf’s point is well made and illustrates that intimacy is much more than just a physical experience — there are certain things that only a husband and wife share with each other — they are not for the rest of the world to see.

How does this relate to your marriage? If a marriage is to survive through a lifetime then true intimacy must be at the heart of it and both husband and wife must be committed to developing this in their relationship.

It is fair enough to say that this is easier said than done and yes, we do struggle with trying to understand each other at times, but there are some simple principles that can be observed that will lead to deeper intimacy between a couple.

Develop a listening heart. Just the simple practice of giving your husband or wife your undivided attention while they speak will greatly enhance intimacy in your relationship. And try to really listen — stop assuming that you think you know what they are saying and try to hear the other person’s heart.

Ask questions in order to clarify. If you are not sure what the other person said, then ask them to explain a little more! No one ever loses out by asking questions!

Pray together. Share your personal needs with each, your fears and concerns and then bring them to your Heavenly Father together.

These principles are simple but if you commit to getting them off the printed page and into your life you will be on the road to building genuine intimacy into your marriage.

Far too many people approach their relationships — especially the marriage relationship — like the Olympic 100 metres race. They see them as a sprint and so important things like communication and sharing are neglected. Sadly they wonder often too late, why the relationship failed. If you want your marriage to succeed, then think in terms of a long distance race.

When you watch Kenyans run the long distance events at the Olympics you will notice that they usually run together, each runner spurring the other on until the finish line is in view. So it is with marriage; as husband and wife you run together through a lifetime of building intimacy and genuine relationship and your relationship goes the distance. I think that is why Solomon once said,
“Two are better than one… if one falls, (the other) can help him up” (Ecclesiastes chapter 4, verse 9).

Building Better Marriages

By Rob Furlong
Challenge Newspaper Sept 2005

Quite a few years ago I had a couple approach me requesting that I conduct their wedding service. Nothing unusual about that. At the time of their coming to see me, they were living together and sexually active in the relationship. Nothing unusual about that (these days) either. What was unusual was that both parties said that they were Christians. (Before I go further, I want to acknowledge that many of you who read this column would not use the term “Christian” to describe yourselves – there is nothing wrong with that, but I believe that what I have to say will still be relevant and pertinent to you.)

You see, I believe passionately in marriage and in God’s design for it. But as each new year rolls by, the marriage relationship is put under greater and greater pressure and fresh threats arise that seek to destroy the family unit. The incredible fact is however, that many of these threats come from people who openly profess that they follow God and His teachings.
As an example, lets take living together and the topic of pre-marital sex. Almost 15 years ago the well known author and speaker, Josh McDowell, made some startling and alarming observations about the sexual habits of Church going teenagers.

He wrote that:

• They were 86% more likely to say that it “was important to be a virgin when you get married.”
• However: in reality, they were only 14% more likely to actually be a virgin when they married!

I know from my own counselling experience that statistics like those I have quoted above are fairly accurate. And in large part, I am laying the responsibility for this at the feet of people of my generation – people in their late 30’s to early 40’s – who have not modelled sexual abstinence at all well to their own children.

While I was thinking all of this over, I came across the following quote by a youth worker, Tim Stafford. In my mind, it addresses the problem brilliantly and it begins with a letter written to him by a young girl:

“I am a fifteen-year-old girl who has a problem not many of my friends understand. My mum and her boyfriend started dating about three years ago. We soon started spending the night at his house. This didn’t bother me because my mum and I slept in the front bedroom. But then they started sleeping together. This also didn’t bother me much, until one night I went back there to ask my mother something and her boyfriend came out of the bathroom with his
underwear on (and just his underwear). Then I soon caught them having sex.”

Not so long ago, mothers wrote letters like that about their daughters.

But now, millions of kids whose parents are divorced have the tables turned. They see their parents getting involved in immorality. They see their parents shattered and hardened by the break-ups and disappointments that inevitably
follow. Naturally, these parents are not giving their children much encouragement to wait for marriage. (Worth the Wait – Tim Stafford)

I know a good many of you will take exception to what I am saying here, but I think it is time for some parents to begin to practice what they preach. If you want your kids to remain sexually pure, then start living it yourself. Stop making excuses for your behaviour and trust me, I’ve heard them all:

“We’re not hurting anyone.”
“In God’s eyes, we are married.”
“We love each other.”
“It’s none of your business anyway.”

Did you know that couples who were sexually active before marriage or lived together, statistically have a much higher chance of divorce after they marry than couples who were sexually abstinent? That fact alone ought to be enough to jolt you back into reality.

I am passionate about this because I view it as one of the greatest threats to building better marriages that we face right now. Many of us are sending frighteningly mixed messages to our young people who are looking for direction in matters of life, love and sexuality. If we don’t get our act together, I shudder to think what kind of a legacy we will leave (or are leaving) the next generation.

Where to from here?
• If you have made mistakes, acknowledge them and ask for forgiveness from your children.
• Break off whatever it is you are involved in, now!
• Commit yourself unreservedly to living and modelling a life of sexual purity to others, especially your kids.

I hope you stay with me on this topic because over the next several months I will be examining other serious threats to building better marriages.

Beyond the Wedding Day

By Rob Furlong
Challenge Newspaper July 2008

Did I tell you that my daughter Kate was married in May? Of course I did! And no father could have been more proud than I to walk her down the aisle!

I also had the honour of being the officiating minister. There was a point in the ceremony where I was expected to bring “words of counsel” and I have always been slightly amused that we wait until this late to give the couple advice on how to conduct themselves in their marriage! So I decided to talk to Kate and Jos about the vows that they were about to make.

You might remember that last month I spoke about how important our vows are and the urgent need that we have in our society for people who choose to stand by each other through good and bad times because they have committed themselves to doing so. But, lets be honest, even the best of marriages will have its vows severely tested from time to time.

What then, is the glue that holds our wedding vows together? It has to be love, but what kind of love will see a couple through all the happiness and sadness that life will throw at them over the course of a possible fifty year marriage?

Amy Tan, author of the popular novel “The Joy Luck Club” describes love in this way: I am like a falling star who has finally found her place next to another in a lovely constellation, where we will sparkle in the heavens forever.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t always feel like that in my marriage! No disrespect is intended towards Amy Tan (or my wife!) but I have discovered that love is more than just a feeling.

One of the frustrations with the English language is that it can be so hopelessly inadequate at times to find the right word to describe what we mean. I am sure that we mean something entirely different when we say that we love our dog but then use the same word to describe how we feel about our partner for life. (Well I hope you do!)

The Greeks had a good idea; they had four words to describe the different nuances of love. One word described family love, love that was based on blood ties; another was used to describe the affection we feel toward a person who held similar interests to us, friendship love and a third word helped express passionate and sexual love.

But the greatest of all their words for love was the word that described love as a willingness to put the other person’s needs ahead of your own. It was love that said, “I choose to serve you and if necessary, lay down my life for you.” Not surprisingly, the Bible says this is exactly the way in which husbands are to love their wives (Ephesians chapter 5).

What I am trying to get at here is that love is not simply a feeling. If we fall for the lie that love is based on how we feel then we will fall in and out of love several times a day with our husband or wife.

This is why our vows to each other are so important. We might find our current situation quite desperate, but regardless of how we feel at the time, love (the fourth kind that I have described above) says, “I will stay committed to you no matter what because I have promised before God, family and friends to do that.”

And please don’t think that I am saying that your marriage should have no emotion or passion: of course it should! I really just want you to understand that people do not “fall out of love” with each other; they choose to stop loving each other. The amazing thing is, when we do choose to love, in time, the feelings flow and they are far deeper and lasting than you could ever have imagined!

Essentially this is what I shared with Kate and Jos on their wedding day. Its not rocket science but I have found that the best advice is generally very straightforward.

Are you thinking of leaving your marriage, of giving up and throwing in the towel? Can I give you some good advice? Choose to stay, choose to love and choose to honour the promise you made to the one who shares your bed at night — you will avoid a lifetime of regret if you do.

Beauty & The Beast

By Rob Furlong
Challenge Newspaper June 2005

Remember the song “Hero” by Phil Collins and Dave Crosby?

It was one of those great stories
That you can’t put down at night
The hero knew what he had to do
And he wasn’t afraid to fight
The villain goes to jail
While the hero goes free
I wish it were that simple for me.

And the reason that she loved him
Was the reason I loved him too
And he never wondered what was Right or wrong
He just knew
He just knew
And we wonder, yes we wonder
How do you make sense of this
When the hero kills the maiden
With his kiss – with his kiss.

As John Eldredge has pointed out in his book, Wild At Heart, the third passion that lies in the heart of every man is that of wanting a beauty to rescue.

As I was growing up, the stories that always inspired my heart were those where the knight or the soldier fought with great gallantry and bravery in order to win the hand of the beautiful woman.

Sometimes she was in danger, sometimes she was not. But over and over, the man pursued her, not to possess or dominate her, but in order to win her love and respect.

This is why what we now call “Chick Flicks” are so incredibly popular with people. The theme of the beauty rescued by the gallant man often runs through them. It’s one of the reasons why Pretty Woman was so hugely successful. While there was much about this film that I did not like, at the end, Richard Gere fulfils Julia Roberts’ dream by storming her “castle” and rescuing her from the degradation she has fallen into: the beauty is rescued!

This theme is why I also love Disney’s Beauty And The Beast! It has it all:

The ugly and unlovable Beast.
Belle, the beautiful heroine.
The false and egotistical suitor, Gaston.
The noble sacrifice of love.

You see, the film teaches an important truth. Beauty can be pursued for its own sake. Gaston only courts Belle because, after all, he “is the best” and he “deserves the best”.

The beast, on the other hand, wants nothing to do with Belle initially, and twisted by his own bitterness he does his best to reject her. But once he recognises the greatness and largeness of her beauty – both inwardly and outwardly – he is smitten! And in the end, he rescues her and he also is rescued ... because he has truly learned how to love.

Eldredge makes the observation that a man needs to know that he is a hero to someone; in other words, his wife. There is something incredibly noble and uplifting about the man who pursues a woman not to make her another “conquest” but to call to his side and share a God-given adventure together.

I remember when it happened for me. When I was dating Karen our relationship hit a rocky patch and we parted for a while. But there came a day when I pursued her, not for her own sake, but simply to say, “Look, I believe God has a great plan for me ... and I want you to share it with me.”

Looking back almost 25 years later, I believe that was the turning point for our relationship. She ultimately said yes ... and we have shared a wonderful adventure together to this day.

Speaking about his bride, Solomon said, “My dove, my perfect one, is unique.” (Song of Songs 6:9)
It is clear that he treasured her above all other women. Men, learn to treasure the woman in your life like that!

A cautionary word – there is a difference between pursuing a woman and stalking her. I will talk about this next month.

Kate n Jos' Wedding - 24th May 08

I thought it was high time I finally posted a couple of pics from my sisters "big day".
I've put up a few of my fav. pics and I will hopefully figure out how to load them all up to Flickr (though it drives me crazy that you can't upload very many in a month!! Maybe I'll try photobucket or something!)

The morning started very early for Kate and I. She woke up around 5am and I finally dragged myself out at 5.30am. I then proceeded to do a massive belly flop onto mum & dad's bed to wake them up (like I did when I was 5) completely forgetting that I was 15 weeks pregnant and that the poor child had it's face squished. I got up and said "whoops, I forgot I was pregnant!"
The girl who did our hair turned up at 6am and we all waited around for things to happen.
That's the trouble with getting ready for a wedding. There is so much to get done, but it usually all gets done at the last minute.
Dad was so good to us that he made us all bacon & egg muffins...awww sweety pie. :)

After a few hours of getting ourselves glamourised and sqeezing into our dresses, we got Kate ready and headed off to the church. 3 bridesmaids driven by Robbo (brother) and myself, Kate & Dad chaperoned by the lovely Russell.

Kate & Dad on the way to the church

The back of Kate's gorgeous dress

When we got to the church I took Kate's engagement ring to look after and about 2 secs later nearly dropped it down a drain!! Luckily we saved it and boy did I clutch onto that thing all morning!

We hopped out of the car and then Kate just started blubbering! And it wasn't the pretty little dainty cry, it was the 'ugly cry'. Poor thing. I think all the emotions of the morning surfaced and she just lost it. We were quickly dabbing at her eyes and making sure she was ok. She regained control and we headed to the entrance. Then the music started and she started crying again. It was nearly my turn to walk down the aisle and she was a mess. I was flapping my arms about trying to stop the tears and rubbing her arm saying "it's ok...." I didn't know what else to say!

She made it down the aisle and we proceeded with the ceremony. Jos' dad opened up the service and Dad did the vows and the sermon, etc. Mum also sang a song to Kate and Robbo & Dru both did Scripture readings.

After the signing of the registry Kate & Jos both kneeled in prayer to God. This is one of my favourite photos of the whole ceremony. I think it really captured what their marriage is all about. God-centred and God-honoring. It was really special.

We then got to go have all the photos done, dodging rain and running around in Perth. We ended up at the Duxton for the reception and were able to let our hair down! The above photo is almost identical to one that Kate & I had at my wedding. I have both in frames at home now as I consider them really special.

Kate & Jos cutting the cake

Just as I danced with dad on my wedding day, Kate had her dance with dad too. Dad likes to dance and it is really special to dance with our dad on the day he is giving us away. Kate & Jos danced to "Butterfly Kisses" by Bob Carlisle.

Chrissie (Jos's sister, also a bridesmaid) and I and a groomsmen headed up to Kate & Jos' room to set it up with candles, champagne, and a huge bubble bath for them. Then when we got back down to the reception they were just getting ready to leave.

They ran through the 'tube' thing (where people have their hands up) and headed off. On Sunday they headed off to the Hamilton & Hayman Islands for their honeymoon, which I believe they enjoyed.

I couldn't resist putting up this pic of Russ & I. It's one of my (new) favourites.

I think my tan turned out pretty well in the end!! Though I was a little worried at first!

Vows that last

By Rob Furlong
Challenge Newspaper June 2008

This month Karen and I will celebrate our twenty-seventh wedding anniversary. As I look back over that time I realise what a remarkable journey it has been. Both aged 20 when we wed, after the first six months we had resigned our jobs, packed up our Datsun 180B and headed north to Queensland.

The Queensland years were good to us. I was pastor of a church in a little country town called Toogoolawah. Young (I was 23!), idealistic and very naïve, I learnt lessons there that have stayed with me to this day. And by my side was my bride, Karen.

We were blessed with four beautiful children, three of them born in Cairns, where we stayed for 7½ years. Cairns was a steep learning curve, there were many highs and the occasional low, but the best part was that Karen was with me.

Fourteen years ago we moved to W.A. And in that time we have seen three of our children find their life partners and marry (the third, Kate, was married just last month). And later this year we will become grandparents — twice!

It has been twenty-seven full, but also, very fulfilling years. But above all else, we have done them together.

That doesn’t mean that we haven’t had our lows. I have sat with Karen and done my best to love and comfort her through four miscarriages. There have been times of deep pain for both of us as we have submitted to the process of becoming more like Jesus. In the past two years we have taken some pretty severe blows as I have had to work through a personal burn-out brought on by overwork. But we are still here, still together and still very much in love. Why is that?

For one, I believe it is because of the overwhelming goodness of God. But further, Karen and I have had a deep and passionate commitment to each other because of the vows we took twenty-seven years ago. I personally believe that wedding vows are taken far too lightly by the majority of people today. People make commitments to each other and then break them with absolutely no compunction at all at the first sign of marital discord.

A vow is a solemn promise or undertaking to do something. So when you vow to stay with your partner “Until death parts you” but then divorce five or twenty five years down the track, you have not fulfilled your vow. Now, before you inundate me with emails, let me acknowledge that I understand that people make mistakes and that I also do not claim to know every person’s individual circumstances. All I am simply trying to do is to draw attention to the importance of vows and of being people who keep their word — a quality that has diminished greatly in our modern society.

Karen is my partner for life. She is the wife God has given me. She is my one and only. I made promises to her twenty-seven years ago and by God’s grace and with His help, I intend to keep them.

Do you find yourself in a bind today? Perhaps you are questioning your marriage and are contemplating getting out. I have some really simple advice for you: remember your vows and commit again, with God’s help, to fulfilling them.

For many years, Karen and I have tried to find creative ways to remind each other of our wedding vows and of our intention to keep them. So if the readers will allow me a small indulgence, Hon’, this is for you:

“Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the LORD deal with me, be it ever so severely, if anything but death separates you and me” (Ruth chapter 1, verses 16-17).

For Kate

Strutting about in mum’s heels and her little white wedding dress, Kate stole her family’s hearts with her girly ways.

Forever in lacy socks and pretty dresses, you would never find her outside climbing trees. Kate wanted to play dress-ups and princesses. She would pester Robert and I by turning the TV. off and demanding we play with her. But neither of us wanted to play princesses – especially Robert. I wanted to run around in bike shorts and topless, climbing trees and playing in the dirt while Kate just wanted to play ‘weddings’. She was a true girly girl.

Growing up so different to each other meant that we didn’t always get along. We had different interests and we often fought. It wasn’t until we grew up that we became not just sisters but friends. You stood by my side at my wedding and it was during the preparation time that I realised how much I value and appreciate your friendship. We still fight, and we are still very opposite! But there is nothing that could ever tear the love away that I have for you.

I prayed for 9 months for God to give me a sister. He heard the prayers of a 5 year old and gave her a beautiful sister. A sister who makes me laugh, who I can sing silly songs with, who makes me appreciate life just that little bit more every time I step out of the car once she’s driven, a sister who always makes time for me, and a sister who is so full of love it’s infectious. He gave me a sister that came with a package far more than I could have dreamed or prayed for. Now, he has also blessed me with a new brother. One who is a man of God and has a heart full of compassion and love that is hard to find in young men his age.

You are hard-working, caring, loyal, fun, and full of integrity. And I know this after only knowing you for 1 year! And you can also handle it when we stir you up, a good quality for joining our family!

Kate, I pray that God will continue to mould you into a woman of high worth. That you will continue to seek after God’s will for you life and that you will both enjoy this journey you are now on.

I pray God’s richest blessings on your marriage and I love you both very much.

Losing Hope?

By Rob Furlong
Challenge Newspaper March 2008

What causes a person to lose hope? I think we lose hope when the circumstances we find ourselves in are so overwhelming that we cannot see any possible way in which they can be changed for the better.

Over the years, I have spoken to many couples who have lost all hope that their relationship will ever change and they have died on the inside, as the below quote suggests:

“We did not dare to breathe a prayer,
Or give our anguish scope.
Something was dead within each of us,
And what was dead was Hope.”

It wasn’t like that when they walked down the aisle! Deeply in love, they exchanged their vows and then launched out into their new life together, alive with possibilities! A few years down the track, children began to arrive and their relationship took on a new dimension — now there were others to think of beyond themselves — and thus began the challenging and demanding task of raising a family. She was a stay-at-home Mum who put her career on hold; he found he had to work extra hours just to make ends meet. Somewhere along the line they stopped having time for each other. Life simply became an endless round of trying to get through the day and then collapsing into bed, exhausted, each night. Their arguments became more frequent. “You don’t understand me!” she cried. “You don’t listen!” was his retort. Finally, they ended up in a counsellor’s office seeking help… but the hope that things could change was long gone.

Perhaps you can relate to this, perhaps not. One thing I do know is this: whether we rate our marriage as either happy, good or bad, many of us never gave any thought at all as to what kind of a foundation we wanted to build our marriages on. I was reminded of this through a book I was reading today. Speaking from his own experience, the author pointed out how when he and his wife were married, they had absolutely no idea what goals or aims they wanted for their relationship. This typifies many, many couples today, whether married for many years or newlyweds.

Imagine building a house without any foundations! With a bit of luck it may stay up for awhile, but when the first major storm hits it, your dream home will be nothing more than a pile of ruins. It’s the same with marriage. If you have no foundation that you are building on then no wonder the relationship gets shaky when life throws its problems at the two of you. And the shakier it becomes, the more likely you are to lose hope.

Solomon wisely said, “Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labour in vain.” (Psalm chapter 127, verse 1). He was talking about the house of your life, whether it be career, family or marriage. If God isn’t the foundation and builder of it, then all your work is in vain.
It has been said that we can live 40 days without food, 8 days without water, 4 minutes without air, but only a few seconds without hope. Perhaps you find yourself losing hope in your marriage right now. Easter is all about hope. The utter despair experienced through Jesus’ death on Good Friday turned into unbridled joy when He was raised to life three days later. The hope that had died now lived again.

This same Jesus will change your life and circumstances if you reach out to Him. Why not write to the Editor of this paper and ask for more information about becoming a Christian, or attend a church this Easter where Jesus is proclaimed and find out more for yourself? Reach out to Jesus this Easter and let Him re-kindle your hope!

Blogger is being nasty to me

I am currently having trouble loading any of the photos from Kate & Jos' wedding onto blogger, so hopefully I will be able to get it up and running soon!!

Otherwise click here - I don't know if this link will work....let me know in the comment section if it doesn't!!

I also had a couple of pics of my belly, but I will put them up once blogger decides to co-operate!

ALSO, another thing....I went into hospital yesterday lunch time as I had been having consistent "bad" cramps since Sun. night.

On the weekend we went to State Youth Games and had a blast! On the Sunday arvo I did ten pin bowling thinking that this would be an ok sport for a pregnant chick to do. What I didn't think about was that it is a heavy ball and that you use quite a bit of stomach muscle to hurl the jolly thing down the lane!

After the 2 games I had a splitting headache for the next 6 hours and started to have "bad" cramps. There are good and bad cramps in my books. The good cramps are the growing pains of pregnancy. You get cramps because your uterus is growing and stretching. I've had these every couple of weeks and was used to them. However, bad cramps are the cramps I had for about 3 days before my miscarriage in Jan. They are a whole other ball game and a heck of a lot more painful. They started Sun. night and kept going (still going) so I decided to call the hospital and ask what to do. I didn't want to be a nuisance if nothing ended up being wrong.

The nurse listened to all I described to her and looked at my past history. She started to get me even more worried by telling me to get into the emergency room within the next 4 hours. This got me even more worried and I started to cry. My manager at work practically packed up my desk and packed me into his car and dropped me off at the hospital where my mum met me.

I got checked and everything is ok. We got to listen to the heartbeat and so far so good. It would appear that I have been over doing it a bit and am just wearing my body down. I also tore some stomach muscles playing bowling so that was causing a bit of the pain. I was sent home and told to rest, but I managed to fit in a bit of grocery shopping some cleaning on the way :)

I am trying to rest and keep my body relaxed but it's really hard. I don't see what cleaning the house can do to cause anything, but if the doc wants me to take it easy, I will try my best.

The best thing is that everything is ok with the baby and it was really nice to listen to the heartbeat. It was amazing.

Anyway, I will hopefully be able to post pics up here soon and you will all get a photo essay on Russell's trip to the hospital at State Youth Games....it involve a knuckle from his finger being in a position it shouldn't be!!

Tears, fears, Rellies and Cameras

Preparations are quickly coming to a close this week.

My sister is getting married on Saturday and it is starting to hit home. It has come around so quickly and I don’t feel prepared at all!

I have been working on my speech for 4 weeks now. Usually I don’t have any trouble writing, but I am struggling to pull things together. I want it to be really good and to express exactly what I’m thinking and feeling, but I’m just so worried that it will flop.

We had the ceremony rehearsal on Tues. night and there were tears. Good and bad ones and lots of trips in the new shoes. All the girls have gone out since and bought ‘party feet’ hoping this will stop the shoes flying off down the aisle.

It is slowly coming together and after the rehearsal we all sat around at Jos and Kate’s new place putting together the bonbonnieres *fun*.

They’ve managed to get a place to rent in Cannington – they are renting off Jos’s uncle and they have pretty much been given free reign. They have been furiously painting these last few weeks and the place is looking very nice. They have bits of furniture dribbling in here and there and Kate is getting excited.

It is a huge thing for a couple who have not lived out of home (meaning still with parents) and who have not lived together! I was just as excited to ‘set up home’. All the female ‘domestic’ hormones set in, and it is fun to set up your own kitchen, laundry and rooms. You can do things how you like them and it is fun setting up your place when you get back from the honeymoon.

I look back on our first few weeks of marriage with fondness. We got married in winter and when we came back from our honeymoon we got home at about 1.30am. We quickly realised that we hadn’t been given a quilt and all we had was a sheet to keep us warm. I think we slept on a sofa in front of the gas heater for the night!

We were and are still very blessed. We house-sat my Associate Pastor's place while he was on long service leave. We didn’t have to have ANY furniture and we were able to save up a bit of money while we were there.

Kate and Jos are just as lucky. They are getting to rent this place for pretty much nothing and they will really be able to set themselves up and settle in.

I love weddings and I am getting more and more excited each day, and each day is going slower and slower.

We have relatives starting to dribble in from over east and I am trying to keep the house clean and tidy so that we can try fit 3 people in on Fri night! I don’t know how it’s going to happen considering we only have one spare bed, but we’ll figure it out! I’ll even be getting to see my little uncle (1yr younger than me) who I haven’t seen since I was 10!!! (14yrs ago) I’m so nervous!! I’ll also be having my cousin Smellise and her sister (also my cousin obviously) over which will be good to catch up with again!! Can’t wait to see you Lisey!!

Ah, I’m starting to get all excited, oh and I’m getting a tan! A spray on tan tomorrow night. I will try and find my camera so I can do a Photo Essay for you all of how to get a spray on tan! Hopefully I won’t go orange or yellow. I’m just getting it done to take away from the white glare of my legs. There will be plenty of before and after photos!

Which reminds me! I have been taking photos every 4wks or so of my belly. I will hopefully be able to find my camera (again) and post them up soon!

Anyway, if it’s a little quiet around here, you know why. I’m trying to find my camera ;)

A Sacrifice of Love

By Rob Furlong
Challenge Newspaper ed. 302 April 2008

Have you heard the story of the young boy with a rare blood disease who required a blood transfusion to live?

Examinations were conducted on the family and it came to light that the boy’s younger brother could be the donor of the life saving blood. The boy was asked if he was prepared to help his brother, he agreed and so the procedure went ahead on the scheduled day.

When the transfusion was completed , the young boy who donated the blood looked up at the doctor with a resolute expression on his face and asked, “Is this when I die now?” He quite literally thought that this would cost him his life, yet despite his fear, he was prepared to sacrifice himself for his brother.

Such courage and sacrifice is rare indeed. We see it in war time when young men and women lay down their lives for the protection and defence of their country. We see it in people who sacrificially give of their time and possessions in the service of others. And we see it in marriages…or at least we should do.

I am convinced that the number on reason why marriages often fail is because of selfishness. One partner (and sometimes both) is not prepared to give up some of their wants and needs in order to help meet their partner’s needs. Sometimes it has not even occurred to them that the other person actually has any needs!

When I prepare a couple for marriage and we come to the part about the wedding ceremony, most often they request that 1 Corinthians 13, the famous love chapter of the Bible, be read. It is a wonderful piece of writing, but I think they are sometimes confused about the meaning of it. It really is telling us that love is sacrificial; that it is more intent on meeting the needs of others and putting them first rather than a romantic treatise extolling the virtues of love. In case you are not familiar with it, or have forgotten it, this is what it says:

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut, Doesn’t have a swelled head.
Doesn’t force itself on others, Isn’t always “me first”
Doesn’t fly off the handle, Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

Love gives. Love looks for the best. Love doesn’t hold grudges. In short, love sacrifices.
If you take those words seriously and apply them to your marriage then it will mean this: when all you can see is each other’s faults, your love for each other will choose to find the good in your partner; when you come home tired from work your love will give your wife some time out…because she has had a rough day as well; and when you argue, your love for each will choose to forgive.

Love is about sacrifice…it’s time we practised it’s true meaning.

Kate n' Jos Engagement Par-tay - 2nd Feb

Setting up the fairy light canopy
This took an unexpected 5 hours!!

Kate with her pretty curlers in her hair

The end result. Looks pretty good if I may say so myself

Mum did kate's hair and makeup. Kate looked gorgeous

Mum, Granny (mum's mum) and Me. See any similarities. I don't

Me and my man

My little brother Dru. As you can see, he's not so little. I LOVE this photo

Mum also make thier cake. It was yummy and looked fantastic! This is mum in the car....careful with those bumbs doll!

Me, mum & kate after wildly jumping on the castle. I'm surprised all our hair looks ok!!

Kate n' Jos Engagement Par-tay - 2nd Feb #2

Sally and I

Mum looks like she is about to face plant the bouncy castle!!

I love this shot too! Looks like I'm about to land on mum!

Later on the boys got on. No more fun!! They were trying to tip it I think

The prtty lights in the dark...oooooohhh good job Jos!!

The cake

Cutting the cake

Kaylee and Robbo. I think he is doing blue steel or something. It took like 3 shots to get a photo of them, and not one of them Robbo looks normal!!

Me & my man - again

Russ and his dad...he looks like a cheeky boy in this!!

Opening presents the next day. Kate looks really tired!!

Can you guess what this present is??

Jen & Wills Wedding - Jan 5th

The location - Burns Beach (I think so anyway)

Waiting for the bride

The bridesmaids

Jen & her dad - Jen looked stunning

Exchanging of Rings

Ooh la la

Mr & Mrs Willem Van Wildeman (I think that's right!)

The reception was a lunch under a huge marquee in the park, it was lovely and relaxed

A few guests with their parasoles

The new Mrs. W

After lunch they set up bocce and had people form teams and had playoffs while the family had all their photos done. Pretty good idea I reckon

Carrie & Eric's Wedding - 11/11/07

These photo's were all taken by my brother-in-law/love, Chris. Thanks Chris...they are great photos! You can click on the photos to get a bigger pic.

Bridesmaid 1

Bridesmaid 2 - Carrie's sister

Bridesmaid 3 - Carrie's next sister

Maid of Honor - Ainsley (I think that's how you spell it)

Carrie & her Dad

Carrie - I loved her dress!

Carrie & Eric

Exchanging Rings

Smooching

The girls all looked beautiful

Signing of the Registry - this old church is beautiful too

They had stretch hummers! How cool is that!!