Give it a Rest

This post has been brewing for a long time.


Disclaimer: There is no-one individual in particular that this is aimed at. If there are any similarities to stories, it is purely coincidental. However, if you identify yourself in one of the comments/stories...maybe it's something to think about? Again, not aimed at any one in particular...just some of my thoughts from the last 2.5yrs


Now that's out of the way...


I have come to realise in the last 2.5 years, just how judgemental and competitive mothers are. This may be old news to you, but to me I am staggered by the notion and tired of it - I'm also grouping myself into this category.


I had a natural birth so I'm better than those who had cesareans...I had an epidural and drugs, I didn't so I'm stronger...I had my baby in a bath or at home so my experience is better than yours.

I've breastfed for 3 months, 6 months, 12 months, 2.5 friggin years! Who gives a rats?

I don't breast feed, I bottle feed. I express, I don't...I don't shave my under arms!! (sometimes I do one side and forget the other!)


I use store bought food (isn't all of it in some form anyway?) I create my own blends, I only use veggies from my garden, I only use organic or preservative/additive free food.


I smack. I time-out. I like to be a bit more free-spirited. I do baby-wise I do montessori.

I have a routine, I'm flexible.


I love controlled crying/self settling. I prefer to cuddle for every cry.


I love my husband more than my children, I love my children more than my husband.


I don't give my children chocolates/easter eggs/lollies/juice...I do.


My 6 month old is walking - my 18 month old isn't...


I've got boys, I've got girls, which one is harder to raise? Aren't they all?? Their kids for goodness sakes! It's tough work no matter the sex.


And so it goes on and on.


I first came across this in a mother's group I joined when Eme was 3 months old. All the other bubs were only 8 weeks old and yet there was still an underlying competition between the parents. No-one wants to seem like they are doing the wrong thing, yet we all have differing ideas that we get insecure and worry about whether we've got it right or down pat. Sometimes though, this can start down the path of watching what others are doing and judging what they do and what their decisions may be.


"I wish she would just control that child" - while standing in the checkout line.
"I wish she would just smack them and be done with it!"
"How dare he feed his child that!"


I get it - I've thought the same thoughts. Had the same feelings.


But...I'm over it.


Who gave us the right (as parents) to become such oppressive and judgemental people? The baby is born and all of a sudden we're experts - though we claim not to be! We ask for the manual that should have come with the baby, yet we somehow develop a manual/Bible within the 1st year and judge how everyone else is doing by it.


All I'm asking is - can we just give each other a break? I don't like let alone enjoy living in such an oppressive society.


How about when gathering in our little mummy groups/girls nights/coffee catchups - How about instead of jumping down the mother's throat with advice and tips and "tsk tsk's", why don't we just try and listen.


"I'm sorry Harry keeps drawing on the wall while your cooking dinner. That sucks. I understand. I hear you. I still love you. You're not a bad mum, we all have tough days."


Whether you have 1, 2, 3+ kids - it's still tough work.


I can already sense the amount of flack I'm going to cop for posting this, but I can't not say anything anymore. I'm tired of it and I'm also guilty of it. If you are reading this and you have ever felt judged by me...I'm sorry. I'll try do better next time we meet.


And while I'm at it I have a confession to make. Yesterday, I gave Eme a McDonalds Happy Meal for lunch...and my 11 month old, Ava, yeah, I gave her an Easter egg I found under a couch. Shoot me now!

Stripping to retrieve my Dignity

Isn’t it funny how we clothe ourselves in the words others have spoken?
Someone can say a small sentence to me and I will carry it for years.

Age 7 “She isn’t even wearing a real leotard”

Age 17 “You will never get a boyfriend, let alone a husband!”

Age 24 “I never took you for the mothering type”

It has occurred to me that over the years I have carried these words with me, and they have dictated certain things I do or say. I’ve clothed myself (self-image and confidence) and gone about my daily activities carrying these words, usually without even realising how they determine my reactions, words, and thoughts.

I may be struggling with the girls one day and suddenly the words will pop up in my mind “well, you know, you don’t really have it in you to be a mum…that’s why this is so difficult – that’s why today is so hard!”.

Why is it that we (I’m assuming I’m not the only one who does this!) mull over these words so much? Why do we carry these for years and let them dictate what we do?

I’ve just realised – in my ripe old age of 27 – that I have allowed these people and their opinions to shape me, rather than the opinion of the One who really counts, to shape me.

I’m pretty certain that God doesn’t think I’m a terrible mum. I’m pretty certain he had Russell in mind for me. And I’m also pretty certain that he doesn’t care how I look on the outside. He is the one who created me – even all the little quirky bits he treasures.

But why can I not start my day off dressing in the grace, love, compassion and confidence He gives?

I find it really hard to not care about what others think. In fact, I only care about what other people think and often I do things to please others rather than look after myself. I can be a bit of a push over – in certain aspects anyway! I often bust my butt to keep someone else happy, but end up putting myself out and piling to my stress pile.

I constantly worry over my words, whether I’m saying the right thing, whether I’m being understood/misunderstood, whether people are just being nice to my face and behind my back whispering “what crack is she on?” A side note here: A vast majority of my dreams involve my mouth being full of gum or my lips and tongue are swollen and I can’t speak or get my words out…they are VERY frustrating dreams!

And all of this worrying is starting to wear me down. I’m tired of doubting my parenting abilities. Tired of doubting whether Russ feels like he got ‘stuck’ with me (he assures me he doesn’t feel this way!) I’m tired of doubting whether I look appropriate or if I’m saying the right things.
So, this week I’m going to strip. I’m going to strip the labels and opinions other people have of me, in the attempt of God re-dressing me. God knows I need it! It’s going to be a massive journey and a bumpy one at that, but I can feel God tugging at me saying “c’mon now, you KNOW I’ve got better plans for you”.

I don’t want to live my life in fear, in fear of doing the wrong thing. I don’t want to live my life under the labels, opinions, and off-handed comments others make of me.

I want to live the life God has planned for me. I want to live that life in the body and mind that he created for me. Quirky bits and all!