Give it a Rest

This post has been brewing for a long time.


Disclaimer: There is no-one individual in particular that this is aimed at. If there are any similarities to stories, it is purely coincidental. However, if you identify yourself in one of the comments/stories...maybe it's something to think about? Again, not aimed at any one in particular...just some of my thoughts from the last 2.5yrs


Now that's out of the way...


I have come to realise in the last 2.5 years, just how judgemental and competitive mothers are. This may be old news to you, but to me I am staggered by the notion and tired of it - I'm also grouping myself into this category.


I had a natural birth so I'm better than those who had cesareans...I had an epidural and drugs, I didn't so I'm stronger...I had my baby in a bath or at home so my experience is better than yours.

I've breastfed for 3 months, 6 months, 12 months, 2.5 friggin years! Who gives a rats?

I don't breast feed, I bottle feed. I express, I don't...I don't shave my under arms!! (sometimes I do one side and forget the other!)


I use store bought food (isn't all of it in some form anyway?) I create my own blends, I only use veggies from my garden, I only use organic or preservative/additive free food.


I smack. I time-out. I like to be a bit more free-spirited. I do baby-wise I do montessori.

I have a routine, I'm flexible.


I love controlled crying/self settling. I prefer to cuddle for every cry.


I love my husband more than my children, I love my children more than my husband.


I don't give my children chocolates/easter eggs/lollies/juice...I do.


My 6 month old is walking - my 18 month old isn't...


I've got boys, I've got girls, which one is harder to raise? Aren't they all?? Their kids for goodness sakes! It's tough work no matter the sex.


And so it goes on and on.


I first came across this in a mother's group I joined when Eme was 3 months old. All the other bubs were only 8 weeks old and yet there was still an underlying competition between the parents. No-one wants to seem like they are doing the wrong thing, yet we all have differing ideas that we get insecure and worry about whether we've got it right or down pat. Sometimes though, this can start down the path of watching what others are doing and judging what they do and what their decisions may be.


"I wish she would just control that child" - while standing in the checkout line.
"I wish she would just smack them and be done with it!"
"How dare he feed his child that!"


I get it - I've thought the same thoughts. Had the same feelings.


But...I'm over it.


Who gave us the right (as parents) to become such oppressive and judgemental people? The baby is born and all of a sudden we're experts - though we claim not to be! We ask for the manual that should have come with the baby, yet we somehow develop a manual/Bible within the 1st year and judge how everyone else is doing by it.


All I'm asking is - can we just give each other a break? I don't like let alone enjoy living in such an oppressive society.


How about when gathering in our little mummy groups/girls nights/coffee catchups - How about instead of jumping down the mother's throat with advice and tips and "tsk tsk's", why don't we just try and listen.


"I'm sorry Harry keeps drawing on the wall while your cooking dinner. That sucks. I understand. I hear you. I still love you. You're not a bad mum, we all have tough days."


Whether you have 1, 2, 3+ kids - it's still tough work.


I can already sense the amount of flack I'm going to cop for posting this, but I can't not say anything anymore. I'm tired of it and I'm also guilty of it. If you are reading this and you have ever felt judged by me...I'm sorry. I'll try do better next time we meet.


And while I'm at it I have a confession to make. Yesterday, I gave Eme a McDonalds Happy Meal for lunch...and my 11 month old, Ava, yeah, I gave her an Easter egg I found under a couch. Shoot me now!

Bek feels like a rant

1. If you’re a Christian and you’re going to vote this year, please, please research the party you are going to vote for. Don’t just base your decision on one advertisement or base it on “oh, he looks alright”. Research people, RESEARCH! It’s not that hard to look up a Party’s website and go through their policy! For goodness sakes, I am sick of hearing Christians go on about politics and making “informed” (being sarcastic) decisions, but never ever, look into the party they are going to vote for. I can’t stress enough how important it is for us to research and look into these things. Also, we as Christians can’t always rely on the government to do the right thing. We can’t continually wait on the government to do the right thing, and do nothing ourselves. We cannot continue to pass the buck. Stand up and take responsibility for goodness sake!

2. Churches really don’t handle “singledom” very well. I know too many young Christians who are fed the lie that there is someone out there for everyone and that you just have to find him/her. What if that is not in God’s plan for them? Why do churches continually pump out the promise of marriage and happiness, and then don’t know how to deal with those who slip into depression because it hasn’t come true for them? If you’re not married by 21, you’re an old maid. Placed on the shelf and left to your own devices which really only include trying to find someone on some cheesy online Christian dating service. We need to get real about the fact that not all of us will marry. We need to start providing and including those who remain single. AHHHHH!!! I’m sick of it…and I’m MARRIED!!

3. Hmmm…all things come in 3’s. What else is there? I am sick of the delay in the train coming south. All of us on the bus this morning watched the test train go past, and break down over the bridge. AHHH!! Alana McTiernan has a lot to answer for!! Us southerners are not a pretty bunch, and I’m sure she wouldn’t like us knocking on her door tonight.

Sigh…