Avoid the Top Reason for Marriage Failure

By Rob Furlong
Challenge Newspaper July 2009

It was rather sad to read recently about the collapse of the celebrity marriage of Aussie singer, Peter Andre. Andre and his wife Katie Price were married after falling in love on a reality TV show called “I’m a celebrity…get me out of here!”

Over the course of their three and a half years marriage they have gained notoriety for their heated arguments that have been screened on yet another reality show. The couple has gone from a literal Cinderella style wedding to a separation that has become very nasty and hurtful and played out in full view of the public.

It seems to me that there is always a common thread running through the collapse of celebrity marriages: selfishness! Celebrities are involved in an industry that caters to their every whim and desire, no matter how ridiculous it may seem. The entertainment industry feeds that most basic of human weaknesses, self-centredness as well as fostering and promoting it. So when you have two people involved in an industry like that you can expect a lot of selfishness to come out in their marriage relationship. No wonder celebrity marriages implode so often!

But here is an interesting thought — we are no different in our relationships! It has been my experience that the number one reason behind the collapse of a marriage is plain, old fashioned selfishness.

Why won’t a husband pick up the tea towel for his wife and dry the dishes for her? Selfishness!

Why does a wife disregard her husband’s wishes and still
buys her “must have” new dress or shoes? Selfishness!

Why do two people refuse to listen to each other but still
expect the other person to listen to them? Selfishness!

Why does a husband or wife seek to find comfort in the arms of another lover? Selfishness!

Whether you are a celebrity or not you are still infected by the terrible disease of selfishness. And when selfishness goes unchecked in a marriage it usually spells out death for the relationship. Our tendency toward selfishness is clearly in mind in the following quote from a marriage counsellor:

“Marriage is not so much about finding the right person as it is about being the right person.”

As simple as that statement is, it has enormous consequences for you if you decide to put it into practice because it forces you to stop focusing on yourself and to begin focusing on the other person, which is the essence of true love.

I find this kind of wisdom about relationships in the Bible, especially the Proverbs. Here are just two for you to think about:
“An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who shames him is as rottenness in his bones.”

Excellent here refers to a virtuous woman — a woman of tremendous class and quality. A woman who is proud of her husband; one who shows him respect and is unashamed to do so. Such a woman has the highest place in man’s life — she crowns it! But a woman who openly despises her husband and is constantly critical of him and his decisions is like an infectious disease. Simply put, a woman can make or break her man. If she is going to “make” him, then she will need to be unselfish.

And husbands are also told “to rejoice in the wife of your youth”. In other words, instead of moaning and complaining about what she does and does not do, remember why you married her in the first place and keep on encouraging those good things in her today. How easy it is for us men to forget all the good things about our wives and only focus on the negatives that we see.

If we want to change our relationship for the better then we must stop focusing on ourselves and begin asking ourselves how we can better serve our partner — this is called unselfishness and it has the power to transform both you and the other person.

Isn’t it time you picked up a tea towel?

Repair the past with Forgiveness

By Rob Furlong
Challenge Newspaper April 2009

Forgiveness frequently comes up in the news — whether it be another story about innocent people being killed in an overseas conflict or family members grappling with the devastating loss of a son or daughter in a car accident that was not their fault. Whatever the situation, at some point the people involved will face the issue of whether or not they will forgive the perpetrator of the crime.

Forgiveness is also a very real issue in marriage. The health of a couple’s relationship can often be determined by the willingness (or unwillingness) of a husband and wife’s readiness to forgive each other.

I have talked with many couples over the years and I never stop being amazed at the way in which people hang on to things that they did to each other years and years ago and the overwhelming pettiness of it all. “She did this…” “He always forgot…” “I never do that…” On and on it goes.

At the risk of being misunderstood, let me stress that I am not saying that their hurts (or yours) are insignificant and that they should be simply glossed over. All I just want to point out is that, at some point in the relationship, someone has to have the guts to forgive the other person. If this does not happen then the couple is either headed for the divorce court or they will simply learn to co-exist under the same roof in a permanent state of “Cold War”.

Gordon MacDonald in his book “A Resilient Life” writes persuasively about the importance of regularly practising forgiveness in our relationships. He uses a term to describe forgiveness that I find refreshing. He calls it “repairing the past”. If you think about it, that is precisely what we do when we forgive someone: we repair the wrong and the relationship.

In taking this step, I want to be very clear that forgiveness does not come cheaply. In marriage, for example, there should be a genuine acknowledgement by one party that what they did was hurtful and also a sincere commitment by them to change their behaviour. And the other person, then, freely forgives the guilty person from the heart.

I am not suggesting that I don’t struggle with forgiveness either; believe me, I have my moments! But throughout our marriage, Karen and I have regularly practised the discipline of forgiving each other. We have used simple words too. One of us will say, “I’m sorry for…I will change…” and then the other will say, “I forgive you.” (And mean it!)

You may think it sounds childish and perhaps the whole idea of actually saying the words “I forgive you” makes you feel awkward (it does!), but it has contributed to both of us keeping short accounts with each other and not allowing petty resentments to build up that over time would undermine our relationship.

On a gloomy Friday afternoon, with His life ebbing away and surrounded by a jeering, hate-filled mob of accusers spitting and cursing at Him, Jesus uttered some astounding words: “Father forgive them…” In that awful, dreadful moment, He was still able to forgive. This is the essence of the what He did on the cross: to purchase our forgiveness. And it challenges us to forgive also. And when we forgive, we repair the past.

May your Easter be blessed, and your marriage, as you receive and give forgiveness.

Soap Operas and Romantic Endings

By Rob Furlong
Challenge Newspaper Mar 09

I can honestly say that I have never watched a single episode of Neighbours or it’s mutant offspring Home and Away so I recently went online (in the name of research) to see what I had been missing. To say I was utterly bewildered by the end of my search would be an
understatement — I was totally confused!

I do have to admit though that I laughed loud and hard when I read the plot-line concerning a guy named Bob who lost his leg in a mountaineering accident only to be re-united with it when it (his leg) was discovered by a young couple on a romantic weekend camping trip. Can you imagine it? “Oh my, isn’t that Bob’s leg hanging from a tree? We must tell him quickly!”

Why are people so obsessed with soap operas? I think it is because many of us conclude our own lives are pretty boring and the “soaps” somehow fill a void for us by making life a little more exciting. But life is not like a soap opera! Life consists of a many things and these include the exciting as well as the mundane. Listen to the words of King Solomon:

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven...”

In other words, there is a set time for everything that happens to us during our lives as well as there being a specific period of time for each of them. Solomon describes many of these events in the words that follow: birth and death, weeping and laughing, mourning and dancing, loving and hating, war and peace.

None of these events, or others, always occur all the time — they each are given a set time. And none of them lasts forever — they have a period of duration that can sometimes be long or short, depending on the circumstances. Sometimes life is vibrant and exciting, but sometimes it can be plain boring! Can you relate to that? I most certainly can! This is the ebb and flow of life and it is grounded in reality, not some ridiculous soap opera.

I say this because many people manage their relationships as if they were living in a soap opera. We all love the romantic movie where the knight rides off into the sunset with his princess and they live happily ever after. We conclude that this is how marriage is ... but is it?

In our own marriages we discover that there are times of happiness but also conflict and in extreme cases, it seems to be only conflict. What happened to the romantic ending? For one thing, we don’t have the privilege of seeing how things worked out for the knight and the princess but I am pretty certain they will have had their tense moments as well. We have been duped into thinking that happiness in marriage is merely about finding this wonderful person and then everything will automatically flow from there — we have been “Hollywoodised” about love and marriage.

Every marriage, even the best ones, have their times and seasons: times of laughter and passion and yes, times of conflict and boredom. The solution is to try and make sense of these times. This is why Solomon also said, “God has made everything beautiful in its time...” It is God who brings meaning to every moment of our lives. We can only ultimately be completely fulfilled in Him, not through some soap opera or unrealistic view about love and relationships. And He is also able to bring meaning and fulfilment to our marriages.

A growing marriage begins its life when two people say I do to each other and to God.

Then they are truly free to grow into unselfish people who find meaning in the times and seasons of their relationship with each other and with God.

Bill to allow dumped baby 'safe havens'

Neglectful parents would be allowed to abandon their unwanted babies at designated "safe havens" - no questions asked - under laws proposed by a Rudd government backbencher.

Tasmanian senator Helen Polley has written to federal and state attorneys-general to press for the laws, and is expecting a response soon.

Under the laws, parents could leave their babies at a haven - such as a police station or community centre - without having to give information about themselves or the baby. These parents could not be charged with criminal abandonment.

Approximately 10 babies are abandoned by their parents in Australia every year, and Senator Polley said it was time to do something about it.

Read the full article

Now, I don't know how I completely feel about this.

While I can see where Senator Polley is coming from, it still doesn't sit quite right with me.

Has anyone seen the show 'Find my Family'? I think I cry every time I watch it! There was one particular story that struck me the most. A young girl about 16 was pregnant and gave up her son for adoption at the hospital. I got the impression that it was forced upon her and she didn't want to do it. She talked about how while she was in the hospital she just cuddled and kissed and spent as much time as possible with him. I was a babbling mess watching that episode! I know it's a different situation, but it still plays a part. I'm sure any mother that gives up her child, adoption or 'dumping, will think about that child for the next few decades to come! How could you not?

Even if these babies were saved through the 'safe havens' - they may physically be ok, but what about the irrepairable damage of being 'dumped'.
But I also get the point of wanting to save babies being dumped in bins and left to die.

So, what are your thoughts?

Fathers needed more than ever

By Rob Furlong
Challenge Newspaper Sept 2008

When you think of world champion sprinters, it is fairly safe to say that your mind will not automatically go to Derek Redmond. You are far more likely to think of Carl Lewis or Asafa Powell or Usain Bolt… but not Derek Redmond. And yet, Derek Redmond has a very special place in history. Born in England in 1965, by the time he was 19, Derek had broken the British record for the 400 metres and during his career he won gold medals in the 4x400 metres relay at the World Championships, European Championships and at the Commonwealth Games. A favourite for the 400 metres at the Seoul Olympics of 1988 he was forced to withdraw from the opening heat a mere 10 minutes before the race due to an injury to his Achilles tendon. In the ensuing years leading up to the 1992 Olympics he underwent 8 operations and along the way stunned the world at the 1991 World Championships when he and his teammates won gold in the 4x400 metres relay by beating the heavily favoured United States team.

And so we come to Barcelona, Spain and the 1992 Olympics. Redmond is again favourite for the 400 metres and his form in the early rounds is ominously good, running the fastest time in the first round and winning his quarter-final. 65,000 people in the stadium on the day of the 400 metres semi-final watch Redmond race around the track in an effort to seize the lead and secure a place in the final. But as he heads into the back straight, 250 metres from the finish, Redmond is once again let down by his body. As he later describes it, as he entered the straight, he heard a “pop” and thought for one moment that he had been shot. As his leg gave way beneath him, he realized that he had torn his hamstring and that his Olympic dream of a medal was now over. He collapsed onto the track and the medical team rushed over to stretcher him off. It was at this moment that Derek decided that no matter what, he would finish the race, no matter how long it took. The crowd is stunned by his bravery and once they understand the significance of what he is doing, they rose to their feet and cheered him to the finish line with an incredible roar. Redmond later said:

“I wasn’t doing it for the crowd, I was doing it for me… I wanted to finish the race.”

What Derek didn’t realize was that his father, Jim, who had been watching his son in the grandstand had raced down from his seat and then pushed, argued and shoved his way through security and officials to join his son on the track. Drawing alongside his son, 120 metres from the finish line, he placed his arm around his waist and said, “I’m here son, we’ll finish together.” And so Derek and his Dad, arms around each other finish the race with 65,000 people wildly urging them on! At he press conference later that day, Jim Redmond told the world: “I’m the proudest father alive… I’m prouder of him than if he had won the gold medal. It took a lot of guts to do what he did.”

I would add that it also took a lot of guts for Jim Redmond to do what he did — in front of a watching world he unashamedly ran to his son’s side and crossed the finish line with him. It was a demonstration of the heart and love of a father for his child at it’s best. On the day when his dreams literally crashed to the ground, Derek Redmond experienced the love and support of his Dad in a new way.

Dads, despite what our world says, you are needed more than ever. No matter how old or young your kids are, they still need your love, encouragement, support, example and advice. Be there for them! Inject yourself into their lives in meaningful ways. It’s never too late to start. The world may never hear of your love like it did Jim and Derek Redmond’s, but that matters little because the people who need it the most, your family, will and they will thank you for it!

Have a wonderful Father’s Day!!

Please sponsor my Pop

A few years ago, my Pop was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease. For those of you who don't know much about the disease, it can easily be described as a movement disorder with symptons such as slowness of movement, muscle rigidity, instability, and tremor. You can read more about it here.

On Aug 31st Australia is holding it's first Unity Walk to raise money to help find a cure for the disease and to raise funds to support families suffering from Parkinson's. And my pop is going to be doing the walk!

He is raising money for the event and has his own sponsor page on the web! Which you can access here.

You need to pay by credit card and you are sent a receipt in the mail.

50% of the proceeds will go towards research and the other 50% will go towards services for people with Parkinson's , their families and carers. This will be Australia's first Unity Walk which is something one can be proud to be a part of.


If you want to know about the disease:
click here


If you want to sponsor Pop Furlong:
click here


If you just want to read about the Unity Walk:
click here


Every donation helps no matter how small or big!

This will be a big challenge for my Pop on the day as Parkinson's affects mobility. I'm so proud of him for giving it a go and for being active about it though.

Thanks in advance to all those who wish to donate to a worthy cause!

Beyond the Wedding Day

By Rob Furlong
Challenge Newspaper July 2008

Did I tell you that my daughter Kate was married in May? Of course I did! And no father could have been more proud than I to walk her down the aisle!

I also had the honour of being the officiating minister. There was a point in the ceremony where I was expected to bring “words of counsel” and I have always been slightly amused that we wait until this late to give the couple advice on how to conduct themselves in their marriage! So I decided to talk to Kate and Jos about the vows that they were about to make.

You might remember that last month I spoke about how important our vows are and the urgent need that we have in our society for people who choose to stand by each other through good and bad times because they have committed themselves to doing so. But, lets be honest, even the best of marriages will have its vows severely tested from time to time.

What then, is the glue that holds our wedding vows together? It has to be love, but what kind of love will see a couple through all the happiness and sadness that life will throw at them over the course of a possible fifty year marriage?

Amy Tan, author of the popular novel “The Joy Luck Club” describes love in this way: I am like a falling star who has finally found her place next to another in a lovely constellation, where we will sparkle in the heavens forever.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t always feel like that in my marriage! No disrespect is intended towards Amy Tan (or my wife!) but I have discovered that love is more than just a feeling.

One of the frustrations with the English language is that it can be so hopelessly inadequate at times to find the right word to describe what we mean. I am sure that we mean something entirely different when we say that we love our dog but then use the same word to describe how we feel about our partner for life. (Well I hope you do!)

The Greeks had a good idea; they had four words to describe the different nuances of love. One word described family love, love that was based on blood ties; another was used to describe the affection we feel toward a person who held similar interests to us, friendship love and a third word helped express passionate and sexual love.

But the greatest of all their words for love was the word that described love as a willingness to put the other person’s needs ahead of your own. It was love that said, “I choose to serve you and if necessary, lay down my life for you.” Not surprisingly, the Bible says this is exactly the way in which husbands are to love their wives (Ephesians chapter 5).

What I am trying to get at here is that love is not simply a feeling. If we fall for the lie that love is based on how we feel then we will fall in and out of love several times a day with our husband or wife.

This is why our vows to each other are so important. We might find our current situation quite desperate, but regardless of how we feel at the time, love (the fourth kind that I have described above) says, “I will stay committed to you no matter what because I have promised before God, family and friends to do that.”

And please don’t think that I am saying that your marriage should have no emotion or passion: of course it should! I really just want you to understand that people do not “fall out of love” with each other; they choose to stop loving each other. The amazing thing is, when we do choose to love, in time, the feelings flow and they are far deeper and lasting than you could ever have imagined!

Essentially this is what I shared with Kate and Jos on their wedding day. Its not rocket science but I have found that the best advice is generally very straightforward.

Are you thinking of leaving your marriage, of giving up and throwing in the towel? Can I give you some good advice? Choose to stay, choose to love and choose to honour the promise you made to the one who shares your bed at night — you will avoid a lifetime of regret if you do.

Beauty & The Beast

By Rob Furlong
Challenge Newspaper June 2005

Remember the song “Hero” by Phil Collins and Dave Crosby?

It was one of those great stories
That you can’t put down at night
The hero knew what he had to do
And he wasn’t afraid to fight
The villain goes to jail
While the hero goes free
I wish it were that simple for me.

And the reason that she loved him
Was the reason I loved him too
And he never wondered what was Right or wrong
He just knew
He just knew
And we wonder, yes we wonder
How do you make sense of this
When the hero kills the maiden
With his kiss – with his kiss.

As John Eldredge has pointed out in his book, Wild At Heart, the third passion that lies in the heart of every man is that of wanting a beauty to rescue.

As I was growing up, the stories that always inspired my heart were those where the knight or the soldier fought with great gallantry and bravery in order to win the hand of the beautiful woman.

Sometimes she was in danger, sometimes she was not. But over and over, the man pursued her, not to possess or dominate her, but in order to win her love and respect.

This is why what we now call “Chick Flicks” are so incredibly popular with people. The theme of the beauty rescued by the gallant man often runs through them. It’s one of the reasons why Pretty Woman was so hugely successful. While there was much about this film that I did not like, at the end, Richard Gere fulfils Julia Roberts’ dream by storming her “castle” and rescuing her from the degradation she has fallen into: the beauty is rescued!

This theme is why I also love Disney’s Beauty And The Beast! It has it all:

The ugly and unlovable Beast.
Belle, the beautiful heroine.
The false and egotistical suitor, Gaston.
The noble sacrifice of love.

You see, the film teaches an important truth. Beauty can be pursued for its own sake. Gaston only courts Belle because, after all, he “is the best” and he “deserves the best”.

The beast, on the other hand, wants nothing to do with Belle initially, and twisted by his own bitterness he does his best to reject her. But once he recognises the greatness and largeness of her beauty – both inwardly and outwardly – he is smitten! And in the end, he rescues her and he also is rescued ... because he has truly learned how to love.

Eldredge makes the observation that a man needs to know that he is a hero to someone; in other words, his wife. There is something incredibly noble and uplifting about the man who pursues a woman not to make her another “conquest” but to call to his side and share a God-given adventure together.

I remember when it happened for me. When I was dating Karen our relationship hit a rocky patch and we parted for a while. But there came a day when I pursued her, not for her own sake, but simply to say, “Look, I believe God has a great plan for me ... and I want you to share it with me.”

Looking back almost 25 years later, I believe that was the turning point for our relationship. She ultimately said yes ... and we have shared a wonderful adventure together to this day.

Speaking about his bride, Solomon said, “My dove, my perfect one, is unique.” (Song of Songs 6:9)
It is clear that he treasured her above all other women. Men, learn to treasure the woman in your life like that!

A cautionary word – there is a difference between pursuing a woman and stalking her. I will talk about this next month.

Vows that last

By Rob Furlong
Challenge Newspaper June 2008

This month Karen and I will celebrate our twenty-seventh wedding anniversary. As I look back over that time I realise what a remarkable journey it has been. Both aged 20 when we wed, after the first six months we had resigned our jobs, packed up our Datsun 180B and headed north to Queensland.

The Queensland years were good to us. I was pastor of a church in a little country town called Toogoolawah. Young (I was 23!), idealistic and very naïve, I learnt lessons there that have stayed with me to this day. And by my side was my bride, Karen.

We were blessed with four beautiful children, three of them born in Cairns, where we stayed for 7½ years. Cairns was a steep learning curve, there were many highs and the occasional low, but the best part was that Karen was with me.

Fourteen years ago we moved to W.A. And in that time we have seen three of our children find their life partners and marry (the third, Kate, was married just last month). And later this year we will become grandparents — twice!

It has been twenty-seven full, but also, very fulfilling years. But above all else, we have done them together.

That doesn’t mean that we haven’t had our lows. I have sat with Karen and done my best to love and comfort her through four miscarriages. There have been times of deep pain for both of us as we have submitted to the process of becoming more like Jesus. In the past two years we have taken some pretty severe blows as I have had to work through a personal burn-out brought on by overwork. But we are still here, still together and still very much in love. Why is that?

For one, I believe it is because of the overwhelming goodness of God. But further, Karen and I have had a deep and passionate commitment to each other because of the vows we took twenty-seven years ago. I personally believe that wedding vows are taken far too lightly by the majority of people today. People make commitments to each other and then break them with absolutely no compunction at all at the first sign of marital discord.

A vow is a solemn promise or undertaking to do something. So when you vow to stay with your partner “Until death parts you” but then divorce five or twenty five years down the track, you have not fulfilled your vow. Now, before you inundate me with emails, let me acknowledge that I understand that people make mistakes and that I also do not claim to know every person’s individual circumstances. All I am simply trying to do is to draw attention to the importance of vows and of being people who keep their word — a quality that has diminished greatly in our modern society.

Karen is my partner for life. She is the wife God has given me. She is my one and only. I made promises to her twenty-seven years ago and by God’s grace and with His help, I intend to keep them.

Do you find yourself in a bind today? Perhaps you are questioning your marriage and are contemplating getting out. I have some really simple advice for you: remember your vows and commit again, with God’s help, to fulfilling them.

For many years, Karen and I have tried to find creative ways to remind each other of our wedding vows and of our intention to keep them. So if the readers will allow me a small indulgence, Hon’, this is for you:

“Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the LORD deal with me, be it ever so severely, if anything but death separates you and me” (Ruth chapter 1, verses 16-17).

Losing Hope?

By Rob Furlong
Challenge Newspaper March 2008

What causes a person to lose hope? I think we lose hope when the circumstances we find ourselves in are so overwhelming that we cannot see any possible way in which they can be changed for the better.

Over the years, I have spoken to many couples who have lost all hope that their relationship will ever change and they have died on the inside, as the below quote suggests:

“We did not dare to breathe a prayer,
Or give our anguish scope.
Something was dead within each of us,
And what was dead was Hope.”

It wasn’t like that when they walked down the aisle! Deeply in love, they exchanged their vows and then launched out into their new life together, alive with possibilities! A few years down the track, children began to arrive and their relationship took on a new dimension — now there were others to think of beyond themselves — and thus began the challenging and demanding task of raising a family. She was a stay-at-home Mum who put her career on hold; he found he had to work extra hours just to make ends meet. Somewhere along the line they stopped having time for each other. Life simply became an endless round of trying to get through the day and then collapsing into bed, exhausted, each night. Their arguments became more frequent. “You don’t understand me!” she cried. “You don’t listen!” was his retort. Finally, they ended up in a counsellor’s office seeking help… but the hope that things could change was long gone.

Perhaps you can relate to this, perhaps not. One thing I do know is this: whether we rate our marriage as either happy, good or bad, many of us never gave any thought at all as to what kind of a foundation we wanted to build our marriages on. I was reminded of this through a book I was reading today. Speaking from his own experience, the author pointed out how when he and his wife were married, they had absolutely no idea what goals or aims they wanted for their relationship. This typifies many, many couples today, whether married for many years or newlyweds.

Imagine building a house without any foundations! With a bit of luck it may stay up for awhile, but when the first major storm hits it, your dream home will be nothing more than a pile of ruins. It’s the same with marriage. If you have no foundation that you are building on then no wonder the relationship gets shaky when life throws its problems at the two of you. And the shakier it becomes, the more likely you are to lose hope.

Solomon wisely said, “Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labour in vain.” (Psalm chapter 127, verse 1). He was talking about the house of your life, whether it be career, family or marriage. If God isn’t the foundation and builder of it, then all your work is in vain.
It has been said that we can live 40 days without food, 8 days without water, 4 minutes without air, but only a few seconds without hope. Perhaps you find yourself losing hope in your marriage right now. Easter is all about hope. The utter despair experienced through Jesus’ death on Good Friday turned into unbridled joy when He was raised to life three days later. The hope that had died now lived again.

This same Jesus will change your life and circumstances if you reach out to Him. Why not write to the Editor of this paper and ask for more information about becoming a Christian, or attend a church this Easter where Jesus is proclaimed and find out more for yourself? Reach out to Jesus this Easter and let Him re-kindle your hope!

US woman indicted in MySpace suicide

An American mother has been indicted in connection with a MySpace hoax that ended with a 13-year-old girl committing suicide after being spurned by a fictitious boy.

A federal grand jury in Los Angeles indicted Lori Drew, 49, on criminal charges of conspiracy and accessing MySpace computers "without authorisation to inflict emotional distress on the girl".

"This adult woman used the internet to target an innocent girl with horrendous consequences," Los Angeles US Attorney Thomas O'Brien said during a press conference announcing the indictment on Thursday.

"Any adult who uses the internet or a social networking website to bully another person, particularly a vulnerable teenage girl, should realise this has serious consequences."
Drew was among several adults who pretended to be a 16-year-old boy named "Josh" on MySpace, according to prosecutors. The girl met "Josh" in the online community after she opened her MySpace account in 2006.

"Within days Josh was telling her she was sexy," O'Brien said. "The flirting continued for three weeks."

Josh broke off the virtual relationship and sent the girl a message saying the world would be better off without her, according to prosecutors. Within an hour of receiving the message the girl hanged herself in her bedroom.

Read the rest here

This sickens me. That poor, poor girl.

How much of this is going on???

80yrs of Marriage

This is just such a nice story...very positive

Enough Rope and not enough sleep...

Last night I stayed up way past my bedtime and watched Enough Rope by Andrew Denton.

His first Interview was with Tania Major who is the current Young Australian of the Year.

She...had...me...glued...

Here is the interview if you want to watch/read it.

I grew up in Cairns (I completely understand the whole no wearing shoes to school) where the Aboriginal/Islander kids out numbered the white kids and then moved to WA where I did not school with ONE indiginous kid. I have been to Port Hedland on mission trips and worked in a couple of communities.

This young woman was so passionate about bringing change that it was so contagious. She got me all passionate!

The question I was left with was, What can I do? What are we as 'the church' doing about this major crisis in our country.

Here is one interesting fact that they mentioned last night that I will leave you with:

"Before the ‘67 referendum, Aboriginal people were classified as Fauna under the Act."

WHAT will you do?

ASME's Top 40 Magazine Covers of the Last 40 Years

This is taken from here.

There are some very interesting covers listed.

#1 Rolling Stone (January 22, 1981)

Rolling Stone’s cover of John Lennon and Yoko Ono was named the top magazine cover to appear since 1965. The image was photographed by renowned celebrity portraitist Annie Leibovitz mere hours before Lennon was shot on December 8, 1980. The photo was eventually used on the cover of Rolling Stone’s tribute issue to Lennon on January 22, 1981.

#2 Vanity Fair (August 1991)
Vanity Fair’s provocative cover shot of the naked and hugely pregnant Demi Moore (also shot by Annie Leibovitz) projected the actress to even greater heights after the huge success of the movie Ghost the previous year. The cover helped firmly establish Moore as a member of Hollywood’s A-List at the time.

#3 Esquire (April 1968)

The controversial April 1968 cover depicting Muhammad Ali impaled by six arrows appeared on the heels of his refusal to be inducted into the U.S. Army because of his religious beliefs. (Ali, convicted violating the Selective Service Act, was barred from the ring and stripped of his title.) The cover, the second of three Esquire covers defending Ali, shows the boxer martyred as St. Sebastian, a patron saint of athletes and one who was shot with arrows for his steadfast religious beliefs. This was one of the covers designed by George Lois, Esquire’s Art Director during the 1960s

#4 The New Yorker (March 29, 1976)

Saul Steinberg’s March 29, 1976 The New Yorker cover, “View of the World from 9th Avenue,” has come to represent Manhattan’s telescoped perception of the country beyond the Hudson River. The cartoon showed the supposed limited mental geography of Manhattanites.

#5 Esquire (May 1969)

One of the most iconic of Art Director George Lois’s creations, the May 1969 cover of Esquire juxtaposed the celebration of pop culture while deconstructing celebrity. The image of a drowning Andy Warhol was a friendly spoof of the artist’s famous Campbell Soup artwork, a pervading symbol of the Pop Art movement.

#6 The New Yorker (September 24, 2001)

New Yorker Covers Editor Françoise Mouly repositioned Art Spiegelman’s silhouettes, inspired by Ad Reinhardt's black-on-black paintings, so that the north tower's antenna breaks the "W" of the magazine's logo. Spiegelman wanted to see the emptiness, and find the awful/awe-filled image of all that disappeared the on 9/11. The silhouetted Twin Towers were printed in a fifth, black ink, on a field of black made up of the standard four color printing inks. An overprinted clear varnish helps create the ghost images that linger, insisting on their presence through the blackness.

#7 National Lampoon (January 1973)

National Lampoon quickly grew in both popularity in 1970s, when it regularly skewered pop culture, counterculture and politics with recklessness and gleeful bad taste. The notorious January 1973 shot of a human hand holding a revolver to the head of a docile-looking dog, who suspiciously eyes the firearm with a sideways glance, was photographed by Ronald G. Harris and is the magazine’s most memorable cover.

#8 Esquire (October 1966)

This cover story by legendary writer John Sack helped change public perception of the Vietnam War and was a landmark in the history of New Journalism. Early in 1966, when America had little more than 100,000 troops in Vietnam, Sacks became Esquire's war correspondent in Vietnam. At 33,000 words, the resulting article was and still is the longest ever published in Esquire. The all-black cover with the white inscription, "Oh My God—We hit a little girl," became the cover to reflect the story.

#9 Harper’s Bazaar (September 1992)

Harper’s Bazaar, which debuted in 1867 as America’s first fashion magazine, celebrated its 125th anniversary in 1992, and the September 1992 issue under legendary Editor-in-Chief Liz Tilberis’s direction heralded one of the most dramatic magazine reinventions in history. Tilberis helped transform the magazine from an “also-ran” fashion magazine into the one of the most cutting-edge and experimental of the big fashion glossies—illustrated by the creative typeface and avant-garde image of Linda Evangelista on the September cover.

#10 National Geographic (June 1985)

Photographer Steve McCurry immortalized the haunted eyes of a 12-year-old refugee in a camp on the Afghanistan-Pakistan border. Soviet helicopters destroyed her village and family, forcing her to make a two-week trek out of the perilous mountains of Afghanistan. The photo became a National Geographic icon after it was published on the cover in June 1985. Since then, this raw, untouched image has been used on rugs and tattoos, making it one of the most widely reproduced photos in the world.

#11 LIFE (April 30, 1965)

The fetus became widely recognized after LIFE published Linnart Nilsson’s photograph of an 18-week-old fetus inside the womb on its April 30, 1965 cover. Swedish photographer Nilsson used an endoscope with an electronic flash to capture both the cover picture and pictures appearing inside the magazine to chronicle the beginning of human life. These pictures are part of Nilsson’s book, A Child is Born, which sold eight million copies in the first four days after publication.

#12 TIME (April 8, 1966)

The question “Is God Dead?” appeared on the cover of TIME in red letters against a black backdrop, and this was the first time the magazine used a type only cover. The article, written by the editors and entitled “Toward a Hidden God,” included the opinions of Christian theologians Gabriel Vahanian, Paul van Buren, William Hamilton, Thomas J. Altizer, and the Rabbi Richard Rubenstein. They believed the “death of God” had come since God was no longer visible in public life and religion was dead. This article received much backlash from readers, but the radical movement died out by the end of the decade. This is one of two “type only” covers in the Top 40.

#13 LIFE Special Edition (1969)

This LIFE special edition “To the Moon and Back” chronicles the first moon landing, brought about by the courage of the Apollo 11 astronauts and the thousands of people who supported their mission. On the cover is a picture of Buzz Aldrin, taken by fellow astronaut Neil Armstrong. Along with color photographs of this historic walk on the moon, there are biographical sketches of Neil Armstrong, Edwin Aldrin and Michael Collins. There is also a history of manned space exploration from the first single orbit around the earth orbit to the launch of Apollo 11.

#14 The New Yorker (December 10, 2001)

This New Yorker cover by Maira Kalman and Rich Meyerowitz features a map of “New Yorkistan” where the city is divided into Middle Eastern names. The pastel map pastel map showed a flat, bird's-eye view of New York City drawn in pen and wash. It echoed Saul Steinberg’s map “View of the World from 9th Avenue,” published on the cover of The New Yorker on March 29, 1976 (ranking no. 4 on this Top 40 list).

#15 Harper’s Bazaar (April 1965)

This cover of Harper’s Bazaar is a photograph of model Jean Shrimpton by photographer Richard Avedon. The cover of Shrimpton peering from behind a bright pink Day-Glo space helmet was designed by Art Directors Ruth Ansel and Bea Feitler. This photograph, with the Harper’s Bazaar logo vibrating against it in acid green has been often reproduced as an emblem of the sixties.

#16 The Economist (September 10-16, 1994)

This controversial cover of The Economist portrays “The Trouble with Mergers” by showing an illustration of two camels mating. The London-based magazine published the cover in the North American edition, but not in the European edition. Reaction to this cover was mixed, with some readers disgusted and others highly amused.

# 17 TIME (June 21, 1968)

Roy Lichtenstein’s drawing of “The Gun in America” was the cover of the June 21, 1968 issue of TIME. Soon after the assassinations of Martin Luther King Jr. and Robert Kennedy, pop artist Lichtenstein aimed a smoking gun at readers to emphasize the urgency for gun legislation. Before the end of the year, Congress passed the Gun Control Act of 1968 that banned most interstate sales, licensed most gun dealers and barred felons, minors and the mentally ill from owning guns.
#18 ESPN the Magazine (June 29, 1998)

This ESPN the Magazine cover portrays Michael Jordan jumping against an all-white background in his Chicago Bulls uniform. Two weeks after winning his sixth title with the Bulls, the corresponding article speculates whether or not Jordan will retire from basketball. Jordan retired on January 13, 1999, but two years later signed a deal to play for the Washington Wizards. On April 16, 2003, Jordan played his last game and announced his final retirement.

#19 Esquire (December 2000)

Bill Clinton’s appearance on Esquire’s cover at the tail end of his administration provoked ire from both sides of the political spectrum. Accompanying an extensive profile of the President in his waning weeks in office, Platon’s cover shot (the result of an 8-minute session in a cramped hotel bedroom in Princeton, NJ) was intended to evoke the Lincoln Memorial. Instead it came to be seen as fraught with sexual significance following the scandal with White House intern Monica Lewinsky.

#20 Blue (October 1997)

A man diving appears on the premiere October 1997 issue of Blue. Art Director David Carson, known for his innovative typography and photography designed the cover. Editor Amy Schrier launched the first adventure lifestyle magazine, covering outdoor recreation, action sport and adventure travel for men and women. The magazine also explored the diverse cultures of the world and took a look at their political, economic and social concerns.

ASME's Top 40 Magazine Covers of the Last 40 Years #2

#21 LIFE (November 26, 1965)

“The Blunt Reality of War in Vietnam” appears on the November 26, 1965 cover of LIFE. Paul Schutzer’s photograph of a Vietcong prisoner with his eyes and mouth taped shut captured the tumultuous war. Schutzer was one of LIFE’s best photographers, but was killed on assignment while covering the Six-Day War in 1967.

#22 George (Oct/Nov 1995)
The premiere issue of George featured supermodel Cindy Crawford on the cover dressed as George Washington. George was founded by John F. Kennedy Jr. and covered politics, current events, pop culture and celebrity news. In 1999, Kennedy was killed in a plane crash and consequently, George folded in March 2001.

#23 The Nation (November 13, 2000)

This cover of The Nation features artwork by Brian Stauffer that depicts George Bush as Alfred E. Neuman. The Nation compared Bush to Alfred E. Neuman, the fictional mascot of the magazine Mad, complete with a button that reads, “What, me worry?” The U.S. presidential election was held on November 7, 2000, and when this issue of the magazine was released, the winner of the election was still unclear. The issue discusses what would happen to the country and the world if Bush became president, and in fact Bush was declared the winner of the election the next month.

#24 Interview (December 1972)

This cover of Interview was designed by Richard Bernstein and features Andy Warhol photographing model Grace Jones for the December 1972 issue. Warhol founded the magazine in 1969 and featured unedited interviews with celebrities along with photographs and striking ads.

#25 TIME (September 14, 2001)

The cover of the September 14, 2001 special edition of TIME features a photograph of the Twin Towers terrorist bombings on September 11, 2001, taken by photographer Lyle Owerkoof. The issue included testimonies from survivors, more photographs of the Twin Towers after the bombings, and a salute to all those who perished in the tragedy.

#26 People (March 4, 1974)

This premiere issue of People featured Mia Farrow on the cover biting a strand of pearls. Farrow was starring in the movie “The Great Gatsby” as Daisy Buchanan and the cover dubbed Gatsby the year’s next big movie. Since this issue, People has become a popular magazine of celebrity and pop culture news and is best known for yearly special issues naming “The 50 Most Beautiful People,” “The Best and Worst Dressed” and “The Sexiest Man Alive.”

#27 Entertainment Weekly (May 2, 2003)

The Dixie Chicks appear naked on this cover of Entertainment Weekly with slogans such as “Boycott,” “Traitors,” “Hero” and “Proud Americans” printed on their bodies. Two months before, member Natalie Maines criticized the impending invasion of Iraq by President George Bush at a concert in London. This remark sparked intense criticism from many Americans who subsequently boycotted The Dixie Chicks music and concerts. In their interview with Entertainment Weekly, the group discussed their reaction to the criticism and what lies ahead for them in the country music industry.

#28 LIFE (April 16, 1965)

This black and white photograph on the cover of LIFE by Larry Burrows shows the Vietcong zeroing in on vulnerable United States helicopters. The LIFE photographer had covered the war in Vietnam since 1962 and reported this article from Da Nang. On this day, Burrows accompanied a helicopter squadron on a mission where the pilot was killed and other members of the squadron were wounded. Burrows himself was killed in 1971 while on assignment in Laos when his helicopter was shot down by enemy fire.

#29 (tie) Playboy (October 1971)

Photographer Richard Fegley took this photo of model Darine Stern sitting on a Playboy bunny chair for the October 1971 cover of the magazine. The idea came about when art designer Len Willis decided to create a chair using the famous rabbit head. Stern became the first African-American model to grace the cover of Playboy and the cover has become a classic for the magazine.

#29 (tie) Fortune (October 1, 2001)

This special edition of Fortune, entitled “Up from the Ashes,” shows a man covered in ashes after the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks. Published less than a month after the attacks, the issue discussed the economic ramifications of the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks on New York City and the world.

#31 Newsweek (November 20, 2000)

This cover of the November 20, 2000 issue of Newsweek is entitled “The Winner Is…” with a photo of half George W. Bush and half Al Gore. The presidential election had taken place earlier that month, but there was still no clear winner declared because of the close ballot count in the state of Florida. In this issue, Newsweek chronicled the lawsuits, court challenges and endless counting of ballots. The following month, George W. Bush was declared the winner of the closest presidential election in United States history.

#32 Vogue (May 2004)

Photographer Irving Penn captures Nicole Kidman’s back profile dressed in a Christian Lacroix oyster satin backless dress for this cover of the May 2004 issue of Vogue. This was the first cover shoot for Vogue by Penn since 1989. The issue contains more photographs of Kidman dressed as a Grecian goddess, an Italian diva and as legendary actress Sarah Bernhardt.

#33 Newsweek (July 30, 1973)

This July 30, 1973 cover of Newsweek, entitled the “The Nixon Tapes,” gives an aerial view of the White House turned into a tape recorder. The article discusses how President Nixon had been secretly taping everything said in his offices and on his telephones for at least two years. The following year, the tapes were released and they proved Nixon was involved with the Watergate Scandal cover-up. In August 1974, Nixon announced his resignation and Gerald Ford became President. Ford later pardoned Nixon, immunizing him from prosecution for any crimes he may have committed as President.

#33 (tie) Wired (June 1997)

This June 1997 cover of Wired is entitled “Pray,” with a picture of the Apple symbol covered in barbed wire. The article “101 Ways to Save Apple” gave an assessment of what could be done to fix the once-great company. Steven Jobs and Steven Wozniak founded Apple Computer in 1976 when they introduced the Apple I. However, by 1997, Apple saw major competition from other computer companies and experienced economic troubles. Since that time, Apple has made a comeback, due in part to the tremendous success of the iPod.

#35 New York (June 8, 1970)

This cover of New York is entitled “Free Leonard Bernstein,” with a photograph of New York society women posing with fists upraised. Bernstein was an acclaimed American composer and orchestra conductor who was a presence on Broadway, in Hollywood, at Carnegie Hall and at the New York Philharmonic. He supported the Black Panthers and in 1970, held a fund-raising meeting for the organization at his apartment. The magazine cover was a jab at his association with the Black Panthers and their radical ideology.

#36 People (September 15, 1997)

This cover of People features a black and white photograph of Princess Diana, and the issue is a tribute to her life after she was killed in August 1997 in a car crash. Diana appeared on the cover of the magazine a record 52 times and was one of the most popular People cover subjects. In 1981, she married Prince Charles and arguably became one of the most famous women in the world. She was lauded for her high-profile involvement in AIDS issues and for an international campaign against landmines. Diana's death was greeted with extraordinary public grief, and her funeral at Westminster Abbey drew an estimated three million mourners in London, as well as worldwide television coverage.

#37(tie) Details (February 1989)

This cover of Details features a photograph of Cyndi Lauper sporting a classic Hollywood look. In the issue, Lauper discusses her songwriting and recounts her trip to the U.S.S.R. with a group of American songwriters the previous year to collaborate with Soviet counterparts. They produced the song “Cold Sky,” which appears on the album Action Speaks Louder Than Words.

#37 (tie) Fast Company (Aug/Sept 1997)

This cover of Fast Company is entitled “The Brand Called You,” against the Tide background. In the cover article, author Tom Peters discussed how people can market themselves as brands to stand out and move up in their professional life.

#37 (tie) Glamour (August 1968)

This issue of Glamour model Katiti Kirondi II on the cover features the “Best Dressed College Girls.” This marked the first time an African-American woman appeared on the cover of a national women’s monthly magazine. This issue featured the 10 best-dressed college girls and 100 great fall looks, which included mini-skirts and psychedelic colors.

#37 (tie) National Geographic (October 1978) This cover of National Geographic magazine is entitled “Conversations with a Gorilla,” with Koko the gorilla snapping a photograph of her reflection in the mirror. The photo was of such high quality and significance that it was chosen to be the cover photo for the October 1978 National Geographic article featuring Koko. Developmental psychologist Francine Patterson spent six years with Koko teaching her sign language and this led Patterson and other researchers to believe Koko displayed evidence of linguistic capabilities.

#37 (tie) TIME April 14, 1997)This cover of TIME magazine is entitled “Yep, I’m Gay,” with a photograph of Ellen DeGeneres by celebrity photographer Firooz Zahedi. In the April 14, 1997 issue of TIME magazine, DeGeneres spoke to writer Bruce Handy and admitted to him that she was gay and this made her television’s first openly gay star. The television character played by DeGeneres on the sitcom Ellen also came out later that month and this was one of the most watched episodes of the series.

Lost Tomb of Christ

Did anyone watch “The Lost Tomb of Jesus Christ” by James Cameron last night?

At first it was interesting and then I felt it started heading down the path that they were finding what they wanted to find – if that makes sense.

I’m not going to tell what I think just yet as I want to hear some people’s opinions first.

For those of you who didn’t watch it, it was about a tomb that was found in Talpiot back in 1980 by two young boys on a construction site. Archaeologists were given 3 days to take what they wanted and take photos and draw maps and then the tomb was closed up and apartments built on top. There were several ossuary’s that had inscriptions written on them. One of them had ‘Jesus son of Joseph and the other ones that were found had ‘Maria’, ‘Matia’, and a few others which are meant to prove that Jesus’ body was stolen and reburied.

They also started making claims that Mary of Magdalene was married to Jesus and they had a son named Judah.

One of the thoughts they had was that Jesus had a ‘spiritual ascension’ and that his body was buried here on earth. I can see their thinking behind this, but it still doesn’t answer certain questions for me.

I’m not going to go into it any further but if you want to read a bit more on the doco click here.

Then tell me: “What do you think?”

Give 'em the old "Heave Ho!"

I would just like to express how proud I am of Freo.

I would also like to express how deeply disappointed I am by the Eagles fans....you who said "we would never 'boo'" lowered yourself to the same ugly display from earlier in the year. Shame on you, shame... Freo heave ho...freo heave ho...

Big Dreams!

I work at NAB and they have just done a survey on young people and their aspirations. I find it quite sad actually.

"NAB released its NAB Big Life Survey today, which aims to gauge the biggest aspirations of Australians. The survey revealed that more than 90 per cent of 16 to 24 year-olds considered buying a home to be their biggest goal in life - ahead of other key aspirations including:

seeing more of the world (88%)
having a family (84%)
volunteering - both at home and abroad (72%)

Home ownership also rated highly among 25 to 34 year-olds with almost 80 per cent considering home ownership a big life goal. The survey showed that young people tend to have about five big life goals compared to people in other age groups who on average had about two.

To read more about the report's findings view NAB's media release. "

I didnt buy a home just because its a goal or an aspiration, and I think that this is a really sad goal to have. There is so much more to life than owning stuff. Its almost enough fuel to make me can the whole house thing...just to be different :)

I can see all the bankers rubbing their hands with glee!

May I just say...

I am sick of hearing about these two guys in the paper. I open it up this morning to have a read, and once again we see more articles on them from the jolly Victorians. Im sick of it! And Im an avid Freo supporter too!

Im just tired of the constant harrasment these guys are getting dealt. Yes, they may deserve some of it, but its starting to get beyond a joke.

This makes me sick

This report was in the paper this morning, but you can find a shortened article of it here.

Im sorry, but these girls should be put away for life. What they did was sick and heartless.

Russell and I were talking about this on the weekend and how the culture of 'emo' is starting to no longer just be a music genre. For some 'kids' ( I hate using that word ) it is more than being sad all the time writing poetry.

I will get Russell to post on this later this week - he seems to be able to communicate his/our thoughts on this better than me - so I better leave it to him.

Will keep you 'posted' - hehehe get it?