Tears, fears, Rellies and Cameras

Preparations are quickly coming to a close this week.

My sister is getting married on Saturday and it is starting to hit home. It has come around so quickly and I don’t feel prepared at all!

I have been working on my speech for 4 weeks now. Usually I don’t have any trouble writing, but I am struggling to pull things together. I want it to be really good and to express exactly what I’m thinking and feeling, but I’m just so worried that it will flop.

We had the ceremony rehearsal on Tues. night and there were tears. Good and bad ones and lots of trips in the new shoes. All the girls have gone out since and bought ‘party feet’ hoping this will stop the shoes flying off down the aisle.

It is slowly coming together and after the rehearsal we all sat around at Jos and Kate’s new place putting together the bonbonnieres *fun*.

They’ve managed to get a place to rent in Cannington – they are renting off Jos’s uncle and they have pretty much been given free reign. They have been furiously painting these last few weeks and the place is looking very nice. They have bits of furniture dribbling in here and there and Kate is getting excited.

It is a huge thing for a couple who have not lived out of home (meaning still with parents) and who have not lived together! I was just as excited to ‘set up home’. All the female ‘domestic’ hormones set in, and it is fun to set up your own kitchen, laundry and rooms. You can do things how you like them and it is fun setting up your place when you get back from the honeymoon.

I look back on our first few weeks of marriage with fondness. We got married in winter and when we came back from our honeymoon we got home at about 1.30am. We quickly realised that we hadn’t been given a quilt and all we had was a sheet to keep us warm. I think we slept on a sofa in front of the gas heater for the night!

We were and are still very blessed. We house-sat my Associate Pastor's place while he was on long service leave. We didn’t have to have ANY furniture and we were able to save up a bit of money while we were there.

Kate and Jos are just as lucky. They are getting to rent this place for pretty much nothing and they will really be able to set themselves up and settle in.

I love weddings and I am getting more and more excited each day, and each day is going slower and slower.

We have relatives starting to dribble in from over east and I am trying to keep the house clean and tidy so that we can try fit 3 people in on Fri night! I don’t know how it’s going to happen considering we only have one spare bed, but we’ll figure it out! I’ll even be getting to see my little uncle (1yr younger than me) who I haven’t seen since I was 10!!! (14yrs ago) I’m so nervous!! I’ll also be having my cousin Smellise and her sister (also my cousin obviously) over which will be good to catch up with again!! Can’t wait to see you Lisey!!

Ah, I’m starting to get all excited, oh and I’m getting a tan! A spray on tan tomorrow night. I will try and find my camera so I can do a Photo Essay for you all of how to get a spray on tan! Hopefully I won’t go orange or yellow. I’m just getting it done to take away from the white glare of my legs. There will be plenty of before and after photos!

Which reminds me! I have been taking photos every 4wks or so of my belly. I will hopefully be able to find my camera (again) and post them up soon!

Anyway, if it’s a little quiet around here, you know why. I’m trying to find my camera ;)

An edited version

I posted a post last week and have since edited it. I did not want to take it down as I feel the post was quite important.

I have left the parts in the post that I feel is what the whole post was about. I apologise to those who were hurt by my original post and hope that they can offer me their forgiveness and grace. I did not write anything out of spite and if I wanted to have a go at anyone in particular, trust me, you would've known about it.

Anyway, this is my post and I hope people can see where I am coming from and understand the pain I have for a few women that I have met these past couple of months and I'm sure the women I will meet in the future.

I had a friend yesterday at work come and share with me that she had a miscarriage last week. No one else in the office knows and she wants it to stay that way. Her little one was 6 weeks when it’s heart stopped beating, but her body continued the pregnancy till 10 weeks when they found the baby had died. She had to have it removed. She was still having all the symptoms, morning sickness included.

My heart absolutely broke for this girl (lady…woman…). All I could do was give her a hug and pray my phone didn’t ring so I could give her all my attention. God blessed me with 40mins at my desk where the phone didn’t ring once. I was able to hear this girls story, she was able to ask questions and we were able to identify with each other.I had the opportunity a couple of weeks ago to speak to another young lady who had an ectopic pregnancy. And my heart is continually breaking for these women. It was ok for me to go through it, but not them. I would take their pain and hurts as my own if I could. I would go through it again if it meant they didn’t have to!

I think the hardest thing about talking to this girl at work was the fact that I know she doesn’t have Christ. She doesn’t have a faith to cling to when things go bad. She doesn’t have a comfort knowing that her baby is in God’s hands now, and that her future is in his hands too. I just pray that I can possibly bring a bit of that faith to her life. That’s the only reason I believe that God has allowed all of this to happen.

I cried all night last night. I cried myself to sleep. I cried for the baby that has just been lost and for the pain that these girls have been going through. I cried because of the lack of compassion for these women, the lack of sensitivity shown. I cried because I am not strong enough to confront people when they do this and that I just write about it on my blog! I cried because…heck…I’m pregnant and I felt like crying!

One thing the girl who spoke to me yesterday said that has stuck in my head was:

“I am the happiest person here because you have given me hope.”

I’m not worthy of it, and I just hope that I can in-still in her the hope that Christ brings. The hope that he is holding her little one safe in his hands.There are so many people out there who may never have kids, are on their last egg from IVF hoping that this will be the one, that have lost so many babies it just hurts too much to continue trying, and there is nothing I can do about it.

All I can do is offer God my prayers and my burdens and leave them with him. I hope that anyone who reads this will also pray for the lost and the lonely, and for those who are so desperate for God but just don't know it yet! Whether you can fully understand or comprehend what someone is going through, God knows and I'm sure he still appreciates the prayers.

US woman indicted in MySpace suicide

An American mother has been indicted in connection with a MySpace hoax that ended with a 13-year-old girl committing suicide after being spurned by a fictitious boy.

A federal grand jury in Los Angeles indicted Lori Drew, 49, on criminal charges of conspiracy and accessing MySpace computers "without authorisation to inflict emotional distress on the girl".

"This adult woman used the internet to target an innocent girl with horrendous consequences," Los Angeles US Attorney Thomas O'Brien said during a press conference announcing the indictment on Thursday.

"Any adult who uses the internet or a social networking website to bully another person, particularly a vulnerable teenage girl, should realise this has serious consequences."
Drew was among several adults who pretended to be a 16-year-old boy named "Josh" on MySpace, according to prosecutors. The girl met "Josh" in the online community after she opened her MySpace account in 2006.

"Within days Josh was telling her she was sexy," O'Brien said. "The flirting continued for three weeks."

Josh broke off the virtual relationship and sent the girl a message saying the world would be better off without her, according to prosecutors. Within an hour of receiving the message the girl hanged herself in her bedroom.

Read the rest here

This sickens me. That poor, poor girl.

How much of this is going on???

Laid Back v Anal

I’m a relatively laid back kinda person. I get my knickers in a knot when Jet attacks another dog, another dog attacks Jet, or when things don’t seem to be working the way I want them to be working.

At work you may remember there is another girl who is also pregnant. She is 3 months further along than me. Now, she is anal. I can’t sneak a little bit of food without her telling me off. Yesterday at morning tea there were spinach and fetta buns. As soon as I heard the words ‘spinach & fetta’ I leapt for one. My hand poised in the air I was met with a steely look.

“Don’t you dare, there is fetta in there. We can’t have fetta – it’s soft cheese.”

I quickly pulled my hand back and continued eating the red and blue lolly snakes and munching on hard cheese and crackers.

“It’s probably not real fetta”
“It’s probably just a flavouring they’ve used”

I reasoned

When Ms Preggers #1 wasn’t looking I snuck myself a bun. I had a couple of bites, was satisfied and then hid the evidence.

Now, before you all jump down my throat and tell me off for eating soft cheese, let me tell you that I didn’t see one piece of cheese in that bun and didn’t taste any of it either!

I am being very careful with what I eat.

“No Russell, I won’t eat the left-over chicken from last week”

“Yes Russell, I had breakfast this morning”

“No Russell, I won’t touch that soft delicious cheese. I will stop smelling it too”

“Yes Russell, I will stop sniffing the salami stick in Kate’s hand”

Actually, come to think of it, Russell is anal too! (I love that word. Anal. I could say it all day long)

This is so hard. All I want to eat is salami sticks, mounds of soft cheese (especially fetta & blue vein) and I am really really craving a glass of red wine. But, my bub-o-luv is worth the fast.

I tell you what. The moment this baby arrives, I will be celebrating with a glass of red wine and some matured soft cheeses.

Who’d like to join me!?

Kingdom Assignment

Last night we went to a church 'do'.

When I got home from work I just wanted to stay home, but we decided to go anyway. We packed up our Minestrone and headed off to church.

We shared meals and then watched the film 'Pay it Forward'.

The meal was great. I'm not really someone who will just introduce myself or talk to someone I don't know, but Russell made me sit at a table with people we didn't really know. The people are really nice, warm and welcoming. It wasn't uncomfortable at all and they can all cook really well!

We then sat down and watched the movie. I think this pregnancy has my emotions in reverse. I cried when I watched the movie for the first time a few years ago, but while everyone around me were crying, I sat there tearless. Even with the ultra sound I didn't shed a tear. It's like I really want to and I'm really 'in the moment' but my tear ducts are just....'broken'.

Anyway, back to the film. It was really good to watch again. Russ and I talked about it on the way home about how it is so inspiring. You finish watching it and you think, this is possible! The thing about the film is that it is believable. It doesn't have a fairytale storyline. The kid doesn't always succeed. He still fails sometimes! That's life. Sometimes we try something and it doesn't work. Sometimes we think something works, but we don't see the end result, maybe it happens years later!

It reminds me of Jeremiah. Loads of Theologians have said (in the past) that Jeremiah was the most unsuccessful prophet. Nothing happened with all his hard work! He never saw the fruits of his labour. However, he was successful in the eyes of God because he fulfilled God's will. He was a little hard to get going, but once he started he got things done. He lived according to God's will and that makes him very successful.

Our church is starting 'Kingdom Assignment' this week. We are going to be given $100 to use in our community. Russ and I have been thinking about what we will do, and it is really hard. We want to do something in our local community of Kwinana. I think we may put it in a high interest bank account and let it get some interest while we try and decide what to use it on. If we don't end up using it for anything, then at least we will have invested the money and hopefully got a little return to give back to the church.

We recently met one of our neighbors who is an old man who has lived in his house for 34 yrs! He said that when he built down there he was the first house and was completely surrounded by bush. He seems lonely as whenever he catches us we end up chatting for 30+ mins. His 4 kids are with their mum and he hasn't seen them for a long time, and he has a killer dog. Seriously, he said if his dog got anywhere near Jet, he would kill him!!

One of our ideas is to use the money to make him meals and share dinner with him. Another idea is helping a young boy Russell has met through a lady at his work who is suicidal and is in dire straits of needing a hand. We are praying about what we can do, but it's really hard!

The hardest thing is picking something and sticking to it!

Screw my hiatus

“The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it.”

- George Bernard Shaw

I wonder how true that statement is? Actually, in my opinion it is very true!

How often at church are people called cynics for having expressed a view or an observation?

When we were discussing baptism a few posts back, I was very tempted to call a certain person a cynic simply for the view they held. Rather they were simply expressing an observation they had made in their local church. I did not hold the same view, therefore in my mind, this person was instantly labled a cynic.

It is very hard to be on the receiving end of ‘an observation’. I have had people ‘observe’ my relationship with Russell, I’ve had people ‘observe’ how I handle myself at church, and I’ve had people ‘observe’ my relationship with God (as possibly as that is). I’ve had these people who have made these observations confront me about what they have seen. At the time I was really angry. I couldn’t believe that someone had been making a judgement call on my life to which they had no business doing! However, I believe God brought and brings those people along sometimes to point things out to us. I reacted so badly to what I was hearing because it was true, I just didn’t want to face it.

Have you ever been in a situation where you have made an observation and the response hasn’t been taken well?

I’ve had this happen a couple of times at church. I could see something that wasn’t quiet right, spoken to someone about it and had it blow up in my face! The first time it happened completely devastated and crushed me. I thought I had done the right thing in going to the person and talking about it. I hadn’t attacked anyone and was simply putting forward an observation I had made over the past couple of months. My view wasn’t heard and appreciated and I went on with life trying to forget what had happened. I started to believe that I was a cynic, a negative person, someone who couldn’t find the good in anything.

I don’t think that I was being a cynic. I have had a few of the same experiences since then and I was not being cynical or negative. I was simply expressing an observation. Just as my friend was/is with baptism.

I think the quote sums it up so well. How often do we jump down people throats when they have a different view or stance? We often do this in church, at work, and at home.

In the quote it mentions “accurate observation”. I think this is an essential part. It’s ok to have different opinions, but when someone makes an accurate observation, that’s usually when it strikes a nerve. You know it’s true, but you either don’t want to believe it or you don’t want to confront it. So the easy option is to have ‘a go’ at the person who made the observation.

Is there any way to get around this? Do you think it is possible for the human race to ever listen to each other? There probably wouldn’t be so many wars if people listened to each other I guess!

I do believe there are such people who are cynical and who are simply trying to cause trouble, and it’s hard to decipher when that’s happening. That’s when we need to take it to God I guess. Take him our thoughts and troubles and questions and let him decipher it for us. Then we can know when someone is simply being a cynic or if God has sent them along to point out something happening in our lives.

Quote of the day

"He who looks outside dreams, he who looks inside awakens"

- Carl Gustav Jung

(he names looks aussie, swiss, and asian!!!)

On Hiatus

(I think that's how you spell it!)

I am going to take a break from blogging.

I am still not feeling very well and with my sisters wedding coming up I have too much going on.

(like my excuses?)

Anyway, in the words of the great Sarah

"don't nobody go nowhere"

I may take a week or so....I'll see how I go :)

In Awe

"Here is a little mouth to kiss, here are little toes to play piggies with, here are little fingers to hold, and here is a little heart and soul to care for."

by Bek

Yesterday we met our little bub-o-luv. In the above pic you can see it's legs pushing up against the 'wall thing' and you can just see the fingertips...it was waving it's hand back and forth and she took the picture just as it was finishing. It was amazing!

This is the baby's heartbeat...which is apparantly perfect. It was sitting at 153bpm which is dead in the middle of 120 and 180 which are all considered normal.

The baby was also opening and closing it's mouth...it's a talker I reckon!! Taking after it's dad!!

This is baby's face. You can see it's eye sockets and mouth and the developing brain. Very alien like, and the midwife asked if we were scientologists!!

The whole experience was absolutely amazing. I didn't want her to stop and I just wanted to keep watching!

I hadn't expected her to find anything there...I thought it was all in my imagination, but from the very second she put the 'thing' on my belly, you could see it and it's little heart beating. It was truly humbling. Russ and I couldn't believe that this little baby is taking after us. It's going to look like us, have our traits!! It was amazing!

I cannot thank God enough for blessing us with this little treasure. It's scary to think about the fact that we are going to make mistakes and stuff things up. I don't want to ruin the poor thing! We are just trusting God with it all though.

There were so many thoughts and emotions that we were talking about it all day. I can't describe how amazing it was.

Anyway...I've now got to try and concentrate at work...I just want to go back and have another peek at our bub-o-luv!!!

Wild Child

You all know how I like to live on the edge?

Well, Friday was no exception!

I catch a train to work every morning. And last Friday I was feeling pretty good! I hadn't been sick all week and was starting to think things were starting to get a little better.

As the train pulled up to the platform, I felt a little bit 'off', but as the doors opened I thought, 'nah, I'm fine'. So I got on and sat down next to 2 men. As the train was taking off I came to the realisation that I wasn't fine and that I was going to be sick. Now, because I live life 'on the edge' all I had on me was my leather handbag and a tissue, boy was I praying!!

"God, please.....no.....please.....no......no.....no....."

Well, I swallowed and held on as long as I could, but it wasn't going to stay put. I quickly grabbed my tissue just in time. I cupped my hands and tried to hold on as best as possible. But that wasn't the least of it. My apple and guava juice came racing back to the top and all I could do was cup my hands and hope for the best. I let out a little groan and tried to ignore the disgusted looks coming my way. I headed towards the door wishing the train driver wasn't driving so slow.

I had to wait another 5mins till the next stop to which I quickly hopped off (hands still cupping my juice) and ran to the toilet. I cleaned myself up and got onto the next train, thankful that no-one on this train had seen what had happened!!

This morning as I was getting ready for work, I felt fine (again) but decided against 'living life on the edge' and packed a plastic bag in my bag. I got onto the train and all I could think about was what had happened on Fri. morning! I quickly grabbed my bag and started to puke about three-fold what I had on Fri. Once again, hugely embarrassed, I got off at the next stop.

I don't know how much longer this will last, but I sure hope it doesn't happen EVERY morning!!!

*sigh* - I'm loving this....truly.....