Repair the past with Forgiveness

By Rob Furlong
Challenge Newspaper April 2009

Forgiveness frequently comes up in the news — whether it be another story about innocent people being killed in an overseas conflict or family members grappling with the devastating loss of a son or daughter in a car accident that was not their fault. Whatever the situation, at some point the people involved will face the issue of whether or not they will forgive the perpetrator of the crime.

Forgiveness is also a very real issue in marriage. The health of a couple’s relationship can often be determined by the willingness (or unwillingness) of a husband and wife’s readiness to forgive each other.

I have talked with many couples over the years and I never stop being amazed at the way in which people hang on to things that they did to each other years and years ago and the overwhelming pettiness of it all. “She did this…” “He always forgot…” “I never do that…” On and on it goes.

At the risk of being misunderstood, let me stress that I am not saying that their hurts (or yours) are insignificant and that they should be simply glossed over. All I just want to point out is that, at some point in the relationship, someone has to have the guts to forgive the other person. If this does not happen then the couple is either headed for the divorce court or they will simply learn to co-exist under the same roof in a permanent state of “Cold War”.

Gordon MacDonald in his book “A Resilient Life” writes persuasively about the importance of regularly practising forgiveness in our relationships. He uses a term to describe forgiveness that I find refreshing. He calls it “repairing the past”. If you think about it, that is precisely what we do when we forgive someone: we repair the wrong and the relationship.

In taking this step, I want to be very clear that forgiveness does not come cheaply. In marriage, for example, there should be a genuine acknowledgement by one party that what they did was hurtful and also a sincere commitment by them to change their behaviour. And the other person, then, freely forgives the guilty person from the heart.

I am not suggesting that I don’t struggle with forgiveness either; believe me, I have my moments! But throughout our marriage, Karen and I have regularly practised the discipline of forgiving each other. We have used simple words too. One of us will say, “I’m sorry for…I will change…” and then the other will say, “I forgive you.” (And mean it!)

You may think it sounds childish and perhaps the whole idea of actually saying the words “I forgive you” makes you feel awkward (it does!), but it has contributed to both of us keeping short accounts with each other and not allowing petty resentments to build up that over time would undermine our relationship.

On a gloomy Friday afternoon, with His life ebbing away and surrounded by a jeering, hate-filled mob of accusers spitting and cursing at Him, Jesus uttered some astounding words: “Father forgive them…” In that awful, dreadful moment, He was still able to forgive. This is the essence of the what He did on the cross: to purchase our forgiveness. And it challenges us to forgive also. And when we forgive, we repair the past.

May your Easter be blessed, and your marriage, as you receive and give forgiveness.

Baby Guess-a-thon

My little sister is due in roughly 2 weeks. Her first little baby...

I'm so excited!!

How bout we have a guess-a-thon? I kinda ran outta time to do one for myself before Eme was born...either that or I was just too lazy hehehehe

Anyway...here is my guess for Kate:

Date: 6th June (she is due the 4th)
Time: 2.36am
Sex: Girl
Weight: 8lb 2oz
Length: 51cm

So...in the comment section, leave your guesses!

25 Things By Russell

Things I love about bek (a b'day present)

1. Your crazy morning hair
2. How dedicated you are to being a mum
3. How you build me up as a man
4. The way you cry when your angry
5. Your cute lil ears
6. The way you love me even when I don't deserve it
7. The crazy noises you make for Eme
8. The fact you gave birth to our child - that you went through all that pain
9. That sexy butt of yours
10. How you listen to Disney music and Hardcore music
11. The way you make meatballs
12. The silly dances you do
13. The lil songs you sing to Eme - they help create memories
14. Those beautiful blue eyes
15. Your style thats so 'you'
16. How impulsive you are even when I say it's frustrating
17. How passionate you get about things that you can't sit by and do nothing
18. Your cute little nose
19. How loyal you are to those you love
20. The face you pull when your not happy with me - it's scary but I still love it
21. Your tiny but very seductive lips
22. (cannot be repeated in public)
23. That you're my best friend and I get to spend this life with you
24. Those long Irish Dancing legs of yours
25. That YOU chose ME! I love you!!

My legacy

What an interesting week it's been!

I turned a quarter of a century...yes I'm officially in my 'mid-twenties'.

And a good family friend passed away.

We attended his funeral yesterday and it has really messed with me. As I sat there, looking at the 4 young men and his wife he has left behind I really started to question God. Why did he allow this? He was still young and it doesn't seem fair?

I then started thinking about what will people say at my funeral? We all have to leave this life one day. Death is a fact of life. But, what have I done with my life that is of worth? Have I served God to the best of my ability or do I just keep wasting each and every day away?

I also had a few doubts about heaven and afterlife I guess. Not that I doubt there is a God, but the afterlife is such a unfathomable subject. We cannot comprehend what heaven is like...

It got me thinking about my life and what I'm doing with it. Most the time I am just going day by day and doing nothing. I got a new resolve yesterday though. I want to be known to have loved greatly. To have loved and raised my children to grow up and serve our God. To have not wasted my time here and that I served God and placed him first in my life.

I said to Russell last night that all I can think that he would say at my funeral is that I thought farts were hilarious. Not much of a legacy if you ask me.

In the past couple of months I've been thinking about my future, job wise. Since I was 5 all I have ever wanted to do is midwifery. However, I have never chased after it because I am held back by fear. Fear that I'm not good enough, smart enough, committed enough. I've always put my wants and needs first rather than consulting God and praying about it. This year though I have been seriously praying about it, and I feel God is leading me onto further studies. Curtin University offers a course which is 3yrs long. It is an undergraduate Bachelor of Science (Midwifery). Have theory have practical. It sounds like the perfect course for me. They only have intakes once a year, so I've missed this year. But that means I have until November to sort myself out and to keep praying about it. And YOU at home have until then to pray for me.

If I don't get accepted into this course, I will apply to a couple of Uni's to do Nursing for 3yrs and then I would have to do an additional year specialising in Midwifery.

Anyway...that's only one of the things I've been thinking about since the funeral yesterday. I just kept dreaming last night about death and what I'm doing with my life.

I just feel like I've had 25yrs already, and I have done nothing. Would people come to my funeral? Would they say 'yeah, she was ahhhlright.' or would they say that she was a woman of worth, a loving wife, mother and committed to her Saviour and that she lived a transparent life?

Anyway, there's just so many things going through my head at the moment I kind of have made a mess of this post.

I guess I am wondering if people have thought about what they would want people to say at their funeral? Have you thought about it? Has it changed how you live your day to day life?

All my prayers are with the H. family as they have been the last 7mths. Thankyou for all your hospitality and love you have shown myself and my family over the last 15yrs. xoxoxoxo