My legacy

What an interesting week it's been!

I turned a quarter of a century...yes I'm officially in my 'mid-twenties'.

And a good family friend passed away.

We attended his funeral yesterday and it has really messed with me. As I sat there, looking at the 4 young men and his wife he has left behind I really started to question God. Why did he allow this? He was still young and it doesn't seem fair?

I then started thinking about what will people say at my funeral? We all have to leave this life one day. Death is a fact of life. But, what have I done with my life that is of worth? Have I served God to the best of my ability or do I just keep wasting each and every day away?

I also had a few doubts about heaven and afterlife I guess. Not that I doubt there is a God, but the afterlife is such a unfathomable subject. We cannot comprehend what heaven is like...

It got me thinking about my life and what I'm doing with it. Most the time I am just going day by day and doing nothing. I got a new resolve yesterday though. I want to be known to have loved greatly. To have loved and raised my children to grow up and serve our God. To have not wasted my time here and that I served God and placed him first in my life.

I said to Russell last night that all I can think that he would say at my funeral is that I thought farts were hilarious. Not much of a legacy if you ask me.

In the past couple of months I've been thinking about my future, job wise. Since I was 5 all I have ever wanted to do is midwifery. However, I have never chased after it because I am held back by fear. Fear that I'm not good enough, smart enough, committed enough. I've always put my wants and needs first rather than consulting God and praying about it. This year though I have been seriously praying about it, and I feel God is leading me onto further studies. Curtin University offers a course which is 3yrs long. It is an undergraduate Bachelor of Science (Midwifery). Have theory have practical. It sounds like the perfect course for me. They only have intakes once a year, so I've missed this year. But that means I have until November to sort myself out and to keep praying about it. And YOU at home have until then to pray for me.

If I don't get accepted into this course, I will apply to a couple of Uni's to do Nursing for 3yrs and then I would have to do an additional year specialising in Midwifery.

Anyway...that's only one of the things I've been thinking about since the funeral yesterday. I just kept dreaming last night about death and what I'm doing with my life.

I just feel like I've had 25yrs already, and I have done nothing. Would people come to my funeral? Would they say 'yeah, she was ahhhlright.' or would they say that she was a woman of worth, a loving wife, mother and committed to her Saviour and that she lived a transparent life?

Anyway, there's just so many things going through my head at the moment I kind of have made a mess of this post.

I guess I am wondering if people have thought about what they would want people to say at their funeral? Have you thought about it? Has it changed how you live your day to day life?

All my prayers are with the H. family as they have been the last 7mths. Thankyou for all your hospitality and love you have shown myself and my family over the last 15yrs. xoxoxoxo