busy little bee

Im so sorry for my lack of posts! I have been so busy lately that at the moment I wouldnt know if my butt was on fire!

Last week on Tues Night, was my first night home (to have dinner and veg) in 12 nights. I hadnt cooked a meal for myself, and if I did it was at 9.30pm. I rarely got to see Russell and I felt so overwhelmed that anytime someone asked me how I was going I had to try and respond without crying.

I have a lot of issues with my back (genetics! grrr) and 9/10 days I have pains in my back and no relief. So I go to see my naturopath, Mr Cathles (old family friend and member of old church). On my way to see him I was in a lot of pain (although I usually grit and bear it) and was dreading him asking me if I had been stressed lately as this usually is the cause of a lot of my pain. He didnt - which is good. But ever since I had my treatment of Bowen (where they move your muscles out and put it back where it should be sitting) and went home.

I dont know why I mentioned all that, but I think its because, the day that I went and had my treatment, was my breaking point day. Everything had been escalating to this moment. I got to finish work at 3 and I was just exhausted. It was a Friday and I was dreading my coming weeks. I had signed on to sing in a choir at some Carols by Candlelight, be 'Mary' in a Christmas play, tidying a friends backyard for their return home, make 200 toffee apples for another carols by candlelight, helping making punch for church, finishing my horticulture course (which I never did), getting ready to pack our house to move, and a few other things I can't remember off the top of my head. Reading that it doesnt sound like much, but the problem is it took up every night of my week. I work from 8-5 everyday which means up at 6.30 (thats when Im pushing it and go without shaving the legs or washing the hair!) and get home about 5.45. As soon as Im home, I need to get ready to either get dinner on the go or get ready to head out in 15-30 mins.

I decided I needed to start saying no. Does anyone else have this problem? Your a 'yes' person. I never thought I was. If I didnt want to do something, I didnt. If I did, I did. But slowly I got pressured into doing things and started to feel guilty for saying no to certain people. I wasnt a boundry lover! (small group know about that one!) A boundry lover is someone who can say yes and no to the right things. They are able to set boundries for themselves, and live guilt free! Its all a bit corny, but also essential.

So I decided on my way home after my Bowen, that I was going to pull out of a few things. I pulled out of the choir, told my small group that I couldnt help with making punch, and the one thing I didnt really want to do, I still did. I couldnt pull out of it, I had left it too late, and had to do it. I hated having to do this one thing, because my heart wasnt in it, and I felt backed into a corner and that I HAD to do it. I then found out after I did this particular thing, that the people I had agreed to do this for, where telling people that I had gone to them asking to do it! I was infuriated! I became a "do not mess with me" girl.

Im not sure why Im really posting about this, but I guess I just needed to let you all know why I have been a little absent, and why if any of you see my in person, Im not all there and not smiling. My life is hectic, and I cant slow it down. It also doesnt help when you have friends who constantly wave in your face how much money they have and that get to see their husbands/wives everynight, and every weekend. Im just a bit bitter at the world at the moment. It sucks at the moment, and Im sick of God laughing at my life, and the butt of all his jokes. Maybe I shoulda titled this 'my life sucks' because at the moment it does.
The end.