Avoid the Top Reason for Marriage Failure

By Rob Furlong
Challenge Newspaper July 2009

It was rather sad to read recently about the collapse of the celebrity marriage of Aussie singer, Peter Andre. Andre and his wife Katie Price were married after falling in love on a reality TV show called “I’m a celebrity…get me out of here!”

Over the course of their three and a half years marriage they have gained notoriety for their heated arguments that have been screened on yet another reality show. The couple has gone from a literal Cinderella style wedding to a separation that has become very nasty and hurtful and played out in full view of the public.

It seems to me that there is always a common thread running through the collapse of celebrity marriages: selfishness! Celebrities are involved in an industry that caters to their every whim and desire, no matter how ridiculous it may seem. The entertainment industry feeds that most basic of human weaknesses, self-centredness as well as fostering and promoting it. So when you have two people involved in an industry like that you can expect a lot of selfishness to come out in their marriage relationship. No wonder celebrity marriages implode so often!

But here is an interesting thought — we are no different in our relationships! It has been my experience that the number one reason behind the collapse of a marriage is plain, old fashioned selfishness.

Why won’t a husband pick up the tea towel for his wife and dry the dishes for her? Selfishness!

Why does a wife disregard her husband’s wishes and still
buys her “must have” new dress or shoes? Selfishness!

Why do two people refuse to listen to each other but still
expect the other person to listen to them? Selfishness!

Why does a husband or wife seek to find comfort in the arms of another lover? Selfishness!

Whether you are a celebrity or not you are still infected by the terrible disease of selfishness. And when selfishness goes unchecked in a marriage it usually spells out death for the relationship. Our tendency toward selfishness is clearly in mind in the following quote from a marriage counsellor:

“Marriage is not so much about finding the right person as it is about being the right person.”

As simple as that statement is, it has enormous consequences for you if you decide to put it into practice because it forces you to stop focusing on yourself and to begin focusing on the other person, which is the essence of true love.

I find this kind of wisdom about relationships in the Bible, especially the Proverbs. Here are just two for you to think about:
“An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who shames him is as rottenness in his bones.”

Excellent here refers to a virtuous woman — a woman of tremendous class and quality. A woman who is proud of her husband; one who shows him respect and is unashamed to do so. Such a woman has the highest place in man’s life — she crowns it! But a woman who openly despises her husband and is constantly critical of him and his decisions is like an infectious disease. Simply put, a woman can make or break her man. If she is going to “make” him, then she will need to be unselfish.

And husbands are also told “to rejoice in the wife of your youth”. In other words, instead of moaning and complaining about what she does and does not do, remember why you married her in the first place and keep on encouraging those good things in her today. How easy it is for us men to forget all the good things about our wives and only focus on the negatives that we see.

If we want to change our relationship for the better then we must stop focusing on ourselves and begin asking ourselves how we can better serve our partner — this is called unselfishness and it has the power to transform both you and the other person.

Isn’t it time you picked up a tea towel?

Name Calling

I (we) have a few names we call Emery.

Eme

Eme-joy

Eme-joy joy joy

Ssspecious girl

Sweet Cheeks

Bubba

Bub-o-luv

(this one is from her Grammy) Myjy (pronouned midgy)

Ssspecious girl came from me one night. I was trying to tell her she was special to me and a precious girl and I accidentally said ssspecious. It's stuck ever since!

And myjy is my mums name for her. It stands for My Joy

I don't know if I ever went through the names we gave to Eme.

Emery was a suggestion from Russell. It was the name of one of our bands we enjoyed and we thought it quite a pretty name for a girl.

Joy is my middle name and I wanted to pass it onto Eme as it holds quite a bit of meaning in our family. My mum had 3 miscarriages before she had me, and when I was born I was such a 'joy' to her and dad. After I had my miscarriage I decided that if we ever had a girl, her middle name would be Joy also. Considering my mum thought she would never have children, let alone grandchildren...I thought it would be a nice reminder of God's grace and faithfulness.

Kade (her 2nd middle name) is a combination of my mum & mum-in-laws names. KAren & DEnise. I thought I had invented a name, then found out it's actually a real name (for boys)

So, there you have it. What's behind a name...

Who has an interesting story about their name or their children's names?

Domestic B!t@h

Dropping my husband off at work the other morning, I notice that a mum dropping off her kids at school was driving a huge 4wd with a sticker on the back window...it said "Domestic Bitch". Strange I thought...

The next day I see a young girl driving down the freeway with a sticker on her back window saying "Queen of Bitches". Strange again....I thought....

That was until I saw someone else with a number plate that said "beyooootch" (or however it is that you spell it!)

This is when I started to wonder if I was possibly missing a few screws up top. Am I missing something? Did I miss the memo that came out saying that it's now cool to call / refer to yourself as a bitch?

I personally think of the word/name as a really sharp word! I think it is a really 'cutting' word and not one that I would ever want to use to describe myself. Yet, so many women, young and old, are starting to refer to themselves in this way.

As I said, I may be missing a few screws/nuts/bolts...but I honestly don't understand this new 'fad'.

A tranquil life from just $240k ???

There is a certain road that Russ and I drive down regularly and the above is on a billboard next to a new estate that is slowly rising.



Every time I see the sign I can't help but smile at myself. What a joke! If all it cost me was a measly little $240k to have a tranquil life I would start saving.



But, we all know that there is no price tag on having a tranquil life. A new house with new furniture and beautiful neighbors houses is not going to give me a tranquil life. We may have the appearance of being tranquil, but inside may be a different matter. Inside we could be struggling with depression, anxiety (at having such a huge debt), disjointed family relationships, tension in our marriage, children who are crying out for more of us and turning to others/objects for satisfaction.



Just having a new home is not going to give me a great family life, nor will it give me fulfillment in my work or relationships.



Now, I'm not saying that having a new home is wrong. What I'm saying/asking, is what is the intent behind having a new home? Is it because we believe that it will restore broken family relationships? That it will remove some of the tension in our marriage?

A tranquil life doesn't have a price tag. And the sooner we stop listening to the lies we are force fed everyday, the sooner we will be able to move down the path of having a truly tranquil life.