This is my first blog. Ever! I have taken over beks blog while her and russ are away. Hopefully the power wont go to my head.
Now for those who don't know me I've recently been born again as a single guy, after a 4.5 year relationship. I'm still a bit torn over my ex, it was the right thing for us to have broken up but after 6 months I'm still a little confused. I'm just starting to try and put the past in the past and seriously think about moving onwards and upwards, and I have a question.
I'm a christian. Should I be looking for a christian girl? What are the pros and cons?
I'm very interested to hear what people think about this, and if any of you have experiences you can share.
4.9.07
What's a single guy to do?
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12 comments:
Hi Pete!
I could "pontificate" about Scriptures that talk about "What fellowship does light have with darkness" and the like, but I will restrain myself. :-) I think I will make two main comments.
1. If Jesus Christ is a central part of your life, I can't imagine how you can have a deep, long-term, meaningful connection of this sort with an individual (with the assumption that the lifelong commitment of marriage MIGHT be the result) who doesn't share that core element of your life. If Jesus means nothing to them, how can you really share deeply together?
2. One of the saddest things I have seen is parents who spend their time agonising over what is happening in their kids' lives. One of the hardest is when ONE spouse has a real desire to see their children walk closely with God, and the other couldn't care less. It is agony for one parent, and actually agony for the kids too, more often than not. (They are forced to choose one parent's core values against those of the other parent...)
Now...I know I have made a lot of assumptions with regard to long-term commitment and the like, but I reckon that if you AREN'T considering the prospect of that kind of commitment, what ARE you looking for in this relationship?
Hamo had a discussion about this last month too... :-) Have a look at this.
Hi Pete, congrats on your first post :)
I agree with Greg. So often in relationships where one partner is Christian and the other isn't, either the faith makes way for the love or the love makes way for the faith. And it's sad seeing Christians give up their faith to keep a relationship going. Not all give up their faith but then you get the situation where you're in a relationship with someone who doesn't share your greatest love - Jesus. And God tells us we are to marry someone who shares our faith.
I guess the 'con' of seeking a Christian relationship is that you're in a much smaller pond and many of the fish are either already taken, not interested or unsuitable. I found waiting VERY hard and I empathise with people who feel compelled to look outside the Christian pond. It's especially hard for people in country towns where the pond is the size of a puddle. But God's way truly is best and it was something I wanted to cling to despite temptation and whether I married or not.
Thanks for the comments guys. I definately agree that it's not ideal to be with someone who has differing beliefs to you.
What about God using a relationship to bring someone to him. At the moment I'd date a non-christian if I liked her, but my religion is a big part of my life and I'd like to be able to share that with them. If that was a problem then the relationship probably wouldn't last too long.
I'll check hamo's out.
hey pete :)
after getting my heart brocken and screwed by a 'christian' guy at the moment im not to sure if it really matters but i guess the bible says what it says so yea i dont know...just be happy...hahaha! if u find someone then thats awesome...if they are christian thats great...if they arnt then i guess u could cross that bridge when u get to it...wow that was really blase for a bible college graduate but i guess broken hearts do that...
from becs!!!
'Flirt to convert'
In theory it sounds fine, and I have a few friends who have actually done that and so are happily married...so it isn't IMPOSSIBLE nor entirely bad.
The problem I see? The partners 'faith' can become intrinsically linked with your relationship. If your relationship is going well, their faith is strong, if your relationship is rocky, their faith can be rocky.
I have a friend who recently broke up with his gf after being together for a few years. They started going out NOT when she wasnt Christian but just AFTER she became one. Towards the end, the fact that their relationship was rocky (and was basically all she had known in faith) reflected to HER on her faith. Sadly now I dont even know if she is still following her faith:(
Many Christians would say new Christians should 'try' and wait a year before dating simply so they focus on building a faith on Jesus, not a faith on a relationship. Now, Im not one for hard and fast legalistic rules like this, but there is probably some wisdom contained in it:)
That being said, 2 of the closest married couples I know started out with one Christian, one not so, as mentioned at the start, it isn't ENTIRELY troublesome. I would be wary but, neither of these relationships progressed to marriage UNTIL they were both Christian. There is no guarantees this will happen so you could be playing with fire:D
2 cents worth
;) great comments guys. Love the "Flirt to Convert" mr middleton.
Sounds like there's no easy answers here and the best thing to do is keep an open mind and assess each relationship on its merits at the time relative to your goals and expectations.
:)
I wouldn't read it that way, Pete. Becs is working on an emotional reaction to her recent experience. Hmm....I would set that one aside to let it age a bit. Sarah is speaking from having waited patiently and seen a great answer to the prayer and patience. Mr. Middleton mentions a couple of instances where it worked out in the end. I could introduce you to several who have lived a life of agony, WISHING their partner could share their deep faith, and the whole matter of how kids of a home without agreement on matters of faith turn out has deep implications if you ask me.
My synopsis? Don't just "keep an open mind and assess each relationship on its merits at the time". Rather, you could decide what you REALLY want out of the relationship and trim your sails accordingly.
I often see "P" platers (no offense to any P-platers reading this) who pull SERIOUSLY idiotic stunts with their cars, and the experienced drivers around them save their hides by skillful driving. (Is that why we HAVE P plates?) Guess what the newbie thinks after that encounter... "BOY! I'm good!" :-) In matters of the heart, I reckon too many of us are like the newbies. Each time we survive, we think, "GREAT! That worked!" Rather, I reckon we oughta be looking for the best possible outcome and make careful preparations to make it so. That is what I did, and I reckon I got a winner. :-D
hmmm interesting discussion going on here!!
I would say that if there was a chick that was a non-christian that you liked, maybe go for it but understand that it may be another good 4-5 years till your both ready to marry (thats IF she became a christian)
From what I know of you pete, you are a bit of a family guy and you want marriage and kids and the whole thing. I would say this would come faster if you found a christian chick.
Its true about the whole pond thing sarah was talking about. you are definately not going to find her at bull creek, you will have to get out there. go to conferences, camps, services, whatever!! Go to all the places that are really christian dating services - even though we dont call them that ;)
anyway...good first couple of posts...will hopefully get to read some more!
later dudes
yeah I did mention 2 that worked, I 'meant' it to be 'only 2' that I know. I too could name many that haven't worked out, including someone I know who has been married for years to a not yet Christian and REALLY struggles with it. That in itself is an absolute no-no IMO, marrying a not yet Christian.
My general rule is 'no, don't do it' and I 'personally' wouldn't do it. I have enough trouble with Christian chicks!
The other side of the argument is this. Is it fair to go into a relationship with a not yet Christian with the mindset that 'this can't go anywhere much until she (or he) becomes a Christian? Going in KNOWING that your wanting them to be 'different' to who you are? Cause, the fact of the matter is, marrying a not yet Christian really isnt an option IMO. Would you be willing to 'wait' simply in HOPE that they would change? Is that loving them for who they are?
Food for thought:)
Excellent point mr middleton. It is silly to enter a relationship aiming or hoping for a large life change in your partner.
I also definately agree with you fletch with respect to bringing up kids. I wouldn't want to have large disagreements with my wife about how to bring our children up. Minor ones would be a given but I want us to be heading in generally the same direction.
Do you find you guys disagree much on raising the kids?
Good grief! I lose internet access for one day and look at all the comments! This is a good topic though and maybe I'll have to mention it in Sarah's School of Dating ;)
I've seen lots of 'flirt to convert' and 'missionary dating' examples like Middo mentioned. I don't think we can ever say because something has a good outcome then that makes it ok. I know several Christians who married non Christians and later the non believing spouse came to the Lord. So does that make it right? All I can say is that God is merciful but he still says we are to marry/date someone who shares our faith. I know another example of a Christian who got drunk at a party and shared the gospel with a friend of his and the friend ended up becoming a Christian. So should we all get drunk because it can make us more confident in sharing the gospel? No, the friend became a Christian because of God's grace but it was a dodgy means of sharing Christ.
I think Becs comment reflects that finding a Christian partner is more than just looking for someone who just professes faith. There are many people who say they are Christian but their lifestyle and the way they treat people doesn't reflect it at all. That's why getting to know people before you go out can be a good idea.
My 2c worth on a Thursday morning. God bless ya Pete as you search for the right chick :)
I have to say but, given my luck of late my advice is to stay away from the lot of them:D
hehehe
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