Update

Just a small update on how Im going.

On this post I slightly indicated that the world sucked and that my life was a joke and that God had pretty much abandoned me.I am slowly (like a snails pace) starting to turn. I hate having to admit that because it means I was wrong about God and the like.That doesnt mean that everything is better. I am realizing that I havnt spent 1-on-1 time with God for about 2 and a half years now "because Ive been busy". Im sick of my life being too busy to take 5-10mins with God during my day. This has really been my downfall. I have slowly been slipping away to a point where I dont feel that I can even admit to being a Christian, whatever that title means. I gave every excuse possible and at one point Russell said that I sound like 15yr old kids at youth who give every excuse possible to not trust in God. That was a bit of a wake up call because I used to get so frustrated with people like that, and now I was one of them.

I had a lot of pride. Pride that included:

1. Thinking I knew everything there was to know about the Bible and Church
2. I knew between right and wrong
3. I could do anything in my own strenght
4. And too much pride to admit that I had neither of these things and to admit that what I really needed was Christ

Wow this is really hard to admit

Im a bit of a bottler. I dont even allow myself to cry in front of Russell after having been together for 4 and a bit years. I guess my reasoning is that it is a sign of weakness, and I dont want to be caught being weak. This has also caused a bit of a problem because it all gets to be too much to hold in and I have to have a burst out somewhere, but somehow I manage to hold it back (I dont know how), but sometimes I will cry at the smallest of things which seems completely ridiculous to other people, but if they understood why it happens, then I guess it would make a little more sense. Because I hold back so much, I have to let it come out in little bits and BOY does it come out at the most inappropriate times!

Anyway. Russell and I watched a few of the sessions from the Global Leadership Summit (Im pretty sure Ive already posted about this, I cant remember) and one of the sessions was about having balance in our life. It is something that I really need to sort out. I need to re-establish what I have lost with God (which will take awhile) and then I believe I will feel Gods presence and I wont feel that he has completely abandoned me. I need to sort a few things out with God (I still have a few trust issues). I am endeavouring to have daily quiet times (not yet started-hopefully soon), and slowly am getting back on track.
It may seem that I am being too slow and it may even seem that Im even putting things off, but I dont think that this is something I should rush. If I rush things, issues wont get sorted out, and I will be running purely on adrenaline and fire but it wont be lasting. Adrenaline and fire will eventually run out and I will find myself back where I am now. They need to be fueled on something other than emotion.

One other thing that I need to sort out at the moment (and this is something that I think is far from being sorted out) is my self esteem level. It is sitting on empty.

Its not really something I will go into depth about, as it includes a 3rd party and I dont really want to spread it all over the net. But, its not a good situation anyway. Im just going to focus on one thing at a time for the meanwhile, but just thought I would update you on how everything was going. Its getting better, so maybe just pray, which is a really hard thing for me to ask, but I know its something I need. Prayer, and a lot of it. I think Ill leave it there. I dont want to burden you all with my problems, as we all have them. So, yeah....thats all I have to say about that.

Hear ye, Hear ye!! (bell ringing in the background)

I have an announcement.

I have added my husband to be a co-author of this blog. I dont know how often he will post something as he is quite busy, but when he does post something, Im sure it'll be good (it better be).

This is a bit of a step for me as I view this blog as an outlet for me to express myself, and it is something that is mine and now I have to share it. Nah, its ok...

Hopefully he will post something soon. Im not sure when. He is wanting to post about, what he calls "songology". I dunno...stuff about the music he likes and the lyrics and what not. So be on the lookout for his first post...whenever that may be!

water-ache

Did your mum ever tell you not to eat the white part of the watermelon or else you'll get a stomach ache?

I just ate 5 pieces and I went as low as I dared - for fear of the stomach ache of course.

Ive always wondered if this is true or not.

Has anyone had a stomach ache from eating past the pink stage of the watermelon?

communion and how I went

Hmmm…well it was interesting to say the least.

On Saturday morning I woke up with a line going through my head that I decided to run with for my little talk. I had pretty much written what I was going to speak on (in my head) and on Sunday morning I put it down on paper. This wasn’t too stressful and I was happy that I had something to go with.

As the song before communion is played I usually get a little nervous, but I am finding it more and more comfortable each time I speak. I no longer get wobbly legs and shaky hands, I get the odd butterfly or two, but that’s about it.

On Sunday I had decided to wear a pretty light green dress and I felt all feminine and cute, but I probably should have thought about my clothing options a little better that morning.

I got up on stage and was arranging my paper and Bible when the combination of the air con and fans attacked my skirt and I found myself in a bit of a Marilyn Monroe pose. My skirt was just going up everywhere, and I was lucky that no-one saw anything (I wasn’t wearing the most conservative undies!!)! Just what I needed to get everyone’s minds prepared for communion!! I looked down at Russell and he had this look that said "Only you"!
I managed to compose myself and grabbed the microphone, and stepped off the stage made a comment something along the lines of "Here I am trying to be all serious and that happens!" and then continued to proceed with what I had to say.

I wrapped things up and we took part of communion. THEN, I had to pray for the offering. I HATE praying out loud. It’s one of the things I really struggle with. I get really uncomfortable when I have to do it and this occasion was no exception. I started to pray and got stuck. Somewhere along the lines of "that you would use these funds to continue your work in the community and…." That’s where I got stuck!! I should have never said AND. I paused for ages and started tapping my chin going hmmm, um… I saw Russell look up with a pleading look and I said something stupid like "and that it would be good. Amen" or something silly. I was so embarrassed! I sort of giggled and hopped off stage and collapsed in Russells arms!

Afterwards I had people comment that I handled myself well considering the circumstances I had just endured. Others appreciated what I had to say. On the way home Russell said that "Only you would get yourself into that sort of situation" and that while I was praying and pausing for words, he was thinking "she’ll get it, she’ll get, just say something!!" Which I knew by his facial expressions. Then on the way home I was winding up my window and wound up my hair with the window. It was just one of those days.

Anyway, I think it went as well as it could have gone. I just wish that I had the confidence to really just speak to the congregation as if I was speaking to them one on one. I feel that sometimes I don’t speak with much emotion because I am reading my notes straight off my paper. This will come with time though, I hope. I will post what I said at communion on another post because I can’t remember off the top of my head. But the line that got me started was "Sometimes when I find myself refusing to allow myself to fall on my knees at the foot of the cross, I often find that pride, a fear of being vulnerable, and an unwillingness to serve are my main barriers." That’s the line that I had stuck in my head all Sat. morning. And I thank God that it came!

always light n tangy

I LOVE the 'Light 'n' Tangy' chips by Smiths,
but do you know what I just noticed?!?
They've changed the name to "Tangy Herb & Spice"

WHAT THE! It still tastes the same, and has the same colour packet (green).

If thats all their marketing dept. could come up with, then I should apply for a job!!

Anyway, Ill still eat the chips, was just wondering if anyone knew when this happened!!

Truth

This is going to be one big post! I have just started reading ‘Velvet Elvis’ by Rob Bell.
This morning while I was on the train I read the following and was greatly encouraged, challenged, and left feeling free after having felt bound by certain ideals for years.

Please do try read it all, its really insightful.

"Truth is everywhere, and it is available to everyone. But Paul takes it further,
because for him truth is bigger than his religion. Notice what he says in the
book of Titus. He is referring to the people who live on the island of Crete
when he writes that even one of their own prophets has said, "`Cretans are
always liars, evil brutes, lazy gluttons.' He has surely told the truth." So
Paul quotes one of the Cretan prophets and then affirms that this guy was right
in what he said. "This testimony is true." What the prophet said was true, so
Paul quotes him. For Paul, anybody is capable of speaking truth. Anybody, from
any perspective, from any religion, from anywhere. And these words from the book
of Titus, the quote from a Cretan prophet, are in the Bible. So the Word of God
contains the words of a prophet from Crete.

Paul affirms the truth wherever he
finds it.

But he takes it further in the book of Acts. He is speaking at a place
called Mars Hill (which would be a great name for a church) and trying to
explain to a group of people who believe in hundreds of thousands of gods that
there is really only one God who made everything and everybody. At one point
he's talking about how God made us all, and he says to them, "As some of your
own poets have said, `We are his offspring.'" He quotes their own poets. And
their poets don't even believe in the God he's talking about. They were talking
about some other god and how we are all the offspring of that god, and Paul
takes their statement and makes it about his God. Amazing. Paul doesn't just
affirm the truth here; he claims it for himself. He doesn't care who said it or
who they were even saying it about. What they said was true, and so he claims it
as his own.

This affirming and claiming of truth wherever you find it is all through the writings of Paul. In 1 Corinthians, he tells his readers,
"All things are yours,... and you are of Christ, and Christ is of God." He
essentially says to them, "It all belongs to God, and Christ is of God, and you
are of Christ, so...it's all yours."

Claim it. If it is true, if it is beautiful, if it is honorable, if it is right, then claim it. Because it is from God. And you belong to God. The philosopher Arthur Holmes is known for saying, "All truth is God's truth." It is such a great statement, because what other kind of truth could there be? So as a Christian, I am free to claim the
good, the true, the holy, wherever and whenever I find it. I live with the
understanding that truth is bigger than any religion and the world is God's and
everything in it

Do you know anybody who grew up in a religious environment,
maybe even a Christian one, and walked away from faith/church/God when they
turned eighteen and went away to college?

…Let me suggest why. Imagine what happens when a young woman is raised in a Christian setting but hasn’t been taught that all things are hers and then goes to a university where she’s exposed to all sorts of new ideas and views and perspectives. She takes classes in psychology and anthropology and biology and world history, and her professors are people who have devoted themselves to their particular fields of study. Is it possible that in the course of lecturing on their field of interest, her
professors from time to time say things that are true? Of course. Truth is
available to everyone.

But lets say her professors aren’t Christians, it is
not a "Christian" university, and this young woman hasn’t been taught that all
things are hers. What if she has been taught that Christianity is the only thing
that is true? What if she has been taught that there is no truth outside the
Bible? She’s now faced with this dilemma: believe the truth she’s learning or
the Christian faith she was brought up with.

Or we could put her dilemma this way: intellectual honesty or Jesus?

How many times have you seen this? I can’t tell you the number of people in their late teens or early twenties that I know, or those I have been told about, who experience truth outside the boundaries of their religion and abandon the whole thing because they think it’s a choice (which is a fatal flaw in thinking we’ll address in a moment). They are experiencing truth in all sorts of new ways, and they need a faith that is big enough to handle it. Their box is getting blown apart, and the faith they were handed doesn’t have room for what they are learning. "

GET THE BOOK!

hmmm...

Found this interesting report on ninemsn.

Jesus wants Osama brought to justice: NileThursday Feb 1 15:00 AEDT
By Shaun Daviesninemsn with wires

Messages outside Sydney churches proclaiming Jesus' love for Osama Bin Laden are akin to proclaiming the Messiah's love for Hitler or Pol Pot, says the Reverend Fred Nile.A sign reading "Jesus loves Osama" was first sighted outside the Central Baptist Church on George Street. More have since appeared on other churches around Sydney. Reverend Nile, the leader of the Christian Democratic Party, said the signs were insensitive to families whose loved ones had died in terrorist attacks. "Certainly if you had any association with the 3000 people that were killed through Bin Laden's attacks on New York, I don't think you'd want to say how much you love him," Reverend Nile said. "It's like saying Jesus loves Hitler or Jesus loves Pol Pot." Reverend Nile said he believed the message was a simplistic interpretation of the Bible's message. "I think it should be more something like, 'Jesus wants Bin Laden brought to justice'," he said. Anglican Archbishop Peter Jensen said he had not been involved in any decision to display the signs and had reservations about them. "I'm hesitant about it frankly, it's a bit misleading," he told Southern Cross Broadcasting. "I say to myself, 'If I were a relative of one of the victims of Osama's activities, I might take affront at this'." Archbishop Jensen said he understood what the sign was trying to say, that Christianity taught loving everyone - even the al-Qaeda head. "There is a truth in it (but) what we've got to say is, Jesus doesn't approve of Osama, it makes it sounds like, 'Oh, Osama's doing the right thing."

I think it is important to take notice of that last comment.
Jesus doesnt approve of what Osama has done, but that doesnt mean he doesnt love him. I think the Rev. Nile is just playing politics and trying to please the majority.

Dont get me wrong, I think it is a little overbearing to have it up on the sign of your church, but I do think it is something that we need to think about. Its hard to swallow, but we all fall into the same category as Osama, Hussein, Hitler, and Pol Pot: Sinners.

As you can probably tell....I like these things

This Moment: I am at work at 1.38pm precisely and am bored.
Your Shoes: Massive heels, black with cork soles
Craving: My man, and a fruit salad
The State of Your Home: Relatively clean, needs a vacuum and a bit of a dust, but ok
Annoyed By: Currently - an idiot I work with. Generally - I forgot to tag off for two days with the new silly 'smartrider' card so now Ive lost about $20!!
Noise In the Background: Fingers typing away at their keyboard, people chatting, phones ringing, and voices singing in my head :)
Really Want To: Go HOME and SLEEP!
Thinking About: My man and having a sleep
Your Keyboard: Is black
Smelling: The leftovers of my re-heated spaghetti from lunch (too much garlic)
Favorite Product In Office Supply Aisle: Hole punches
Don't Ever Want To: Regreting choices I have made
Your Eye Color: Blue
The Weather: Hot and cloudy
Have Never Tried: To make out in the cinema (though Im sure it would be fun)
Think Everyone Should Try: Vegemite & Peanut butter sandwiches
Last Vacation Destination: Yanchep
The Last Thing You Had to Drink: Berocca
Your Bad Habit: Thinking I always know the way, and then having to admit Russell was right all along. Russell would say something else that I wont mention because its too embarassing!
What You're Going To Do Now: Go pee the berocca I just drank

Left for words...

Im rostered on for communion leading on Sunday. This will make it about the 4th time Ive done it (I think).
However, this time Im having a little trouble coming up with any sort of material. The past 3 times Ive used ideas that I have often thought about or that I have learnt off my dad. I should actually post them up here and see what people think. You know, constructive criticism. But I dunno if Im ready to be so vulnerable - after all its something Ive put alot of work into and dont want it to be torn down.
I hate feeling unprepared. Thats when I get really nervous. When Im trying to finish and polish what Im saying a few minutes before I get up. I hate it. So this week Ive been thinking about it and putting down thoughts when one comes to mind. But Im still stuck!! Nothing is really coming together, and now Im starting to stress!!
Hopefully everything will come together and I wont be trying to put things together on Sunday morn (Ive only done this once and it was horrible)!

Please pray :)

Tattoo update

No itchiness yet, not much scabbing yet. I must be pretty lucky!
Ive been lathering up the bepanthem (I think thats how its spelt) and Ive had no pain since the minute after I got it! Its great.
So theres not much to update except that all is going well.