29 Lines to make you smile (once again from Petey!)

Ive put in bold the ones I think are amazingly funny, but they're all funny.

1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought
he was God and I didn't.

2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
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3.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
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4.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
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5.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
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6.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
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7.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
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8.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
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9.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.
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10.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
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11.. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning
medicine.
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12.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
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13.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
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14.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
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15.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
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16.. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!
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17.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
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18 . Procrastinate Now!
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19.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
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20.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
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21.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
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22.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
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23.. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
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24.. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.
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25.. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three
thousand times the memory.
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26.. Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment
for a pig.
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27.. The trouble with life is there's no background music.
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28.. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Weston.
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29.. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.