For better or worse

I realized that my posts haven't been very meaty recently and decided to post something for people to chew...or at least (hopefully) something decent to read.

In 2 weeks we will have been married 2 years. I would still say we are newlyweds (but we cant say that after June 25th).

Therefore, I thought I might post about the things I have learnt since getting married.

First in bullet form, and then I shall go into a bit more depth in a mini blog series:

• The honeymoon doesn’t have to end when you get home
• The first 6 months isn't always what its cracked up to be
• There is now another person to think about
• Money doesn’t grow on trees and bills suck
• I cant expect my husband to be like my dad
• Everyone’s marriage is different
• The real meaning of being submissive and loving
• and anything else that comes to mind later on

Firstly - The honeymoon doesn’t have to end when you get home.

I would like to start by pointing out that this is all based on my perspective. It is not necessarily what others may have experienced, and it is not necessarily Russell’s perspective either. I’m writing from my experience and my points of view – doesn’t mean that what I say is to be taken as fact.

When Russell and I got back from our honeymoon and went to church for our first Sunday as a married couple (I always dreamt about that Sunday when I was younger - I would watch newlyweds come to church for the first time and wonder what it would be like getting ready for church in your OWN place with your HUSBAND) from the pulpit the pastor announced we were back and said "the honeymoons over guys and now the real work starts". I remember sitting there thinking - "what an encouraging comment to make to someone who's just got married!"

I HATE it when people make these sort of comments. As Christians, shouldn’t we be encouraging rather than trying to set us up for disappointment? The honeymoon doesn’t have to end! Just because you have come home and are settling into a new lifestyle, doesn’t mean that we can get slack and start to forget the blessing it is to be married*.

Even though we fought quite a bit in our first few months of marriage, doesn’t mean that we wanted to forget how it felt on our honeymoon. We couldn’t believe that we were finally married! 1yr after our wedding I was still turning to Russell in the mornings saying "I cant believe your back from Qld and that we're married!"

I think it all depends on how you look at life and the different circumstances you find yourself in. If you look at marriage the way society looks at it, then of course its going to eventually….'suck'. When you only have the viewpoint that marriage is just a piece of paper, then of course you’re going to have major foundational issues – I digress.

Back to my biggest gripe…Christians. Such wonderful people aren’t we? (I’m half joking half serious). Why do we celebrate when young people get hitched, and then when the couple come back from hibernation we tell them all doom and gloom. I love being married (I don’t say this intending to hurt people by rubbing my marriedness in their face) its true – I love my husband and I love the journey we are on. Our mistakes and our victories. I love the fact that sometimes we have the most disgusting meals because I decide to experiment. I love the fact that we are getting better at resolving issues, and I love the fact that we can do it all together. I guess what I’m trying to say is that even though we may not physically be away on a honeymoon on some island, we can still have the same spirit. I can choose to look at some of the situations we have got ourselves into, eg. Routine, financial instability, etc and I can say that life is too hard and that marriage is just one hard slog or I can look at it from the perspective that we can learn from our mistakes, and that at least we are making these mistakes together.

I’m not trying to claim to have all the answers, and who knows, in 10 years I may be singing a different tune, but for now, I am hoping that every year will continue to get better. Here are a couple of little things that Russ and I do to ensure that we still have that ‘honeymoon’ feelin’.

• Go on a regular date. Sometimes once a month, or once every quarter.
  This doesn’t have to be too strict, but its easier if you put aside time on the calendar, that way when things ‘pop up’ you can easily say ‘NO’
• Say ‘I love you’ and mean it
  Don’t just say it to fill in the silence
• Take a moment to look at things from either a positive or negative perspective
• Thank God for bringing us together
• Try not to get too stuck in a routine
  This happens really easy so its important to try keep the ‘passion’ alive

If anyone out there have any other insights feel free to comment as I know I have probably stuffed this whole post up and forgotten a lot of points. If you disagree with me, feel free to bring it up…we can all learn a new thing or two!

Look out for the next instalment, The first 6 months isn't always what it’s cracked up to be.

*Im not trying to say that singles aren't blessed