Like Sands through the hourglass so are the days of bek #8

Wow! You get two of these chapters in one day! Now I won't have to write another one for the next 6 months!! Try not to fall asleep on your keyboard while you read...its a longy...and you won't look to good with the letter 'L' imprinted on your forehead!

Our Story

Friend: Russ this is Bek, Bek this is Russ

Bek: Hi *smiles*

Russ: Hi *looks away*

Bek: I think I’ve seen you around before, but never met you. How old are you?

Russ: 17 *looks away*

Bek: WOW!! I thought you were heaps younger!

Russ: *silence*

Bek: You’re boring *walks away*

And so began the grand adventure of Bek and Russ.

That was the first time I had met Russell. I had seen him hanging around some friends who were 1yr younger than me, so that’s why I thought he was younger than me. I had never met him, and we were both at ‘Undercurrent’ a night the Thornlie Youth had put on at the end of the school year 2001 at Thornlie Swimming Pools. I was chatting to some people and Russell was standing there with his backpack and beanie on (looking cute might I add) and someone introduced us. He was so shy that I gave up trying to talk to him. Yes, you may think I was rude, but I am a stirrer, I will stir people who I have only just met for a laugh! I don’t know…it’s just a bad habit.

I didn’t see Russell for a few months after that. It was at Easter Camp ’02 that I saw him next. I was singing at the camp and Russell was drumming. During practice I would stand on his ‘drum carpet’ and spin his cymbals around. I thought it was fun, he wouldn’t say anything, but now he tells me that it was so frustrating! He kept watching me thinking ‘get your hands off my cymbals’. This was when I discovered just how good a drummer he was. I would watch him drum and just see him worshipping God. It truly was and still is an amazing experience. He is going to drum for our babies while they are still in my belly I tell you! At this camp I met a young man from a ‘northern’ church and went on a couple of dates with him. Russell had also met a chick from the same church, so we started going to their Sunday night services together. Russell would drive a group of us up and we would hang around at supper and what not.

Suffice to say, it didn’t work out for either of us.

This was all happening while we went to State Youth Games (2002) also. I’ll never forget the Fri night before the games started. I was with some friends on a basketball court (outside) and Russell was there with some friends skateboarding. Like any typical chick, I wanted a turn, but just made a fool out of myself. I then saw him (them) the next morning at the banner parade. I helped them get their banner sorted out. It was the year they went with Jarrod McKenna and they had the “Cheesy Christian T-Shirts” theme. They had Steve and Scott in their boardies and had the banner wrapped around them so it looked like they weren’t wearing anything. Russell and I helped them wrap it around them. I think the slogan was “I was naked and you clothed me with ….a cheesy Christian T-shirt”…something along those lines.

During SYG, we didn’t see each other much, and we were too interested in these people from the other church anyway.

It wasn’t until those ‘relationships’ (not that you can really call them that) didn’t work out that we started to hang out a little more. It was later in the year and heading into summer. This was when ‘the group’ started up and we fast became good friends.

Russ and I would do most things together, however I never saw it more than a friendship. The whole group were purely ‘just friends’. I never had feelings for him – and I don’t know if he had feelings for me, I don’t think he did anyway. We spent the summer watching DVD’s and having BBQ’s. We went to Fire It Up as a group (where I met Gaz) and we all had a pic taken of us as a group – Russ and I still have this picture…we love it!

It was at that camp where I realised that Russell may have overstepped the ‘friend line’. He just came to visit the camp on the dinner night because he hadn’t been there all week. We were all having dinner and he was refusing to come outside and have dinner with everyone else. I came inside to tell him to stop being a pansy, and to get outside with everyone else. He still didn’t want to (didn’t want to steal someone’s seat or something) and I stalked past him, disgusted he wasn’t listening to me, and he grabbed my arm. I turned around and saw the look in his eye that was so…apologetic. I will never, ever forget that moment. It was when I realised he wasn’t looking at me as a friend anymore. I quickly went back outside and a few people went inside to eat with him.

+Before we went to Fire It Up, Russell had told us that he was heading off to QLD for a year to drum in an YFC band. They would go up and down the coast and as far as SA ministering in schools with music. We had gone shopping to buy him so clothes to take and while we were all sad we were going to be losing our mate for a year, we knew he was going to be coming back.+

A week later (after Fire It Up) we were at a party and Russell asked if he could speak to me. I knew exactly what was coming. We headed outside and sat on the gutter of our friends place.

It went something like this…my memory is a little fuzzy of the whole conversation

Russ: So, I care about you

Bek: mmmhmmm

Russ: Like, care about you more than a friend

Bek: mmhmmm (in head thinking, OH MY GOODNESS – THIS IS WEIRD)

Russ: *waiting waiting*

Russ: Is there anything you want to say?

Bek: mm mm *shook head*

Then we headed back inside.

It was the most uncomfortable conversation I have ever had with anyone!

From then on I refused to speak to him. I had had this before. I find out someone likes me and I go into super hermit mode. I completely withdraw from the person and just don’t want anything to do with them. I would get so uncomfortable and frustrated that in the end, the relationship (friendship) wouldn’t make it. You could call it destructo mode.

I didn’t want to talk to him, it made things weird, plus, he was going away for a year, why the heck would he tell me something like that 2 weeks before he left?

The first week I wouldn’t talk to him. We still had our ‘group’ nights and I remember one night I was doing the dishes and Russell grabbed a tea-towel to help.

Bek: Get out of here, I’m a woman, I’m in my place, the kitchen, that’s where all you men want me. Just let me be!!

Russ: *slowly puts down tea-towel in plain sight and backs out of the room*

I really was horrible to him. The whole week was uncomfortable. Then, something happened. In the second week I just snapped out of it. I don’t know what happened. Russ offered to take me to see Dave Andrews speak because I had just read ‘Christianarchy’ and he was speaking in Perth somewhere. I went with him and shocked Russell’s jocks (or is it socks?) off by accepting the offer!

That week we chatted quite a bit and all weirdness melted away.

I will never forget the night we drove him to the airport. Russell’s parents drove his car, and Russ and I sat in the back. I was crying and was refusing to look at him because I didn’t want him to see that I was crying – play it calm. He reached out and grabbed my hand and held it until we got to the airport. It was really awkward and weird (again) but it was a nice gesture.
We said our farewells and promised to call and write…not just me, the whole group.

In the year that came we spent every single night on the phone. We would talk from 6pm to 2.30am. I can’t remember half the conversations we had. On our first phone call we promised to each other that we wouldn’t date each other, but we wouldn’t date anyone else. We reserved our selves for each other pretty much. I still include this year when people ask how long we dated for. It was a tough year. All we had in our relationship was communication. All we could do was talk. However, now I am eternally grateful that we had that year separate. We built our relationship on communication and I believe that we are beyond our years in that department. Though, we stuff up quite regularly, I believe we have learnt some lessons that some of our married friends are yet to learn.

For my birthday in April, mum and dad’s gift to me was a trip to Cairns – my old hometown. They organised with Russell to find out when he would be up there and off I went to visit him! It was great. I got to meet the members of his band and I got to catch-up with old family and friends and my old church. It’s also when we started to officially date. Russ took me for a walk down to a park one night, we were chatting about our relationship and where we were heading. We decided that we were both ready for it and that we would date with the intention of marriage – neither of us wanted to date just for the sake of it. We were in it for the long haul.

Bek: You have to ask me properly though…

Russ: *sighs* Will you go out with me?

Bek: *singing to the Relient K tune* Do you …know what you…are getting yourself into?

We both just laughed and that was it…it was official! YAY!

Russell got to come home for one week in the middle of the year – a holiday you could say. That week we were too shy to do anything, and it wasn’t until the night or two before he left that we started to hold hands. I remember also, the night before he left, we were sitting on the lounge at my house, everyone had gone to bed and we were sitting there talking. I had my head on his chest and was listening to his heart beat. He was wearing a big old red jumper and had a beanie on. We were quiet for awhile when he whispered, “You know what? I think I’m in love with you”. I can’t remember if I responded or not, I’m pretty sure I returned his declaration, but I will never forget that moment (his part anyway).

He then had to head off again and I was crying once again, but this time I let him see it.

We then hit a bit of a rough patch. For some reason we started to argue a little bit. I think the stress of trying to maintain a long distance relationship played a part. It was hard for me to go to supper after church and see all the couples together. I would get so bitter. Couples were popping up everywhere, I couldn’t avoid it! I would sit there on my own watching them all cuddle away. All I wanted was Russell to come home so I could cuddle him and prove to people that we had a real relationship. It was as though people didn’t realise we were a fair dinkum couple, just because he wasn’t around.

About a month before he was due home, I broke it off with him. We had a huge fight and I said that I wanted to end it. It was a rash decision and once again I said something without thinking first. We ended up, but the phone calls didn’t really stop. We would call each other to see how we were going and that was about it. It was really hard, but don’t people say that every great relationship goes through a break-up at some stage? I don’t know if that’s true, but it was what we both needed. I remember my mum saying to me after the ‘break-up’ phone call that “love isn’t always easy, it’s hard work”.

Russell came back and it was weird all over again. We didn’t know what to say to each other and I felt that he was avoiding me all together. It went on for a couple of weeks like this. We didn’t see each other much, and he was busy catching up with a lot of people.

I eventually had enough of it and called him so that we could catch up and decide what was going on. I was sick of the “are we or aren’t we” questions going around. We met up in a park and we just caught up with each other. Things still weren’t going that well and there were a lot of uncomfortable silences.

One Friday night I offered to drop Russell off at home after youth at his church. We got as far as his driveway and just started talking. We sat in the car from 9pm till 4.30am the next day. We talked about the year as a whole, some of the stuff he had to go through while away which he had been forbidden to speak to anyone about, we talked about stuff that happened at home, and we talked about us. By the time I got home I was exhausted but it felt as though all barriers we had up had been broken down. He messaged me at about 6.30am that morning and we haven’t looked back since. We started dating again and it was fantastic to finally have him around! After 6 or so months I would still look at him and say “I can’t believe your actually here, home!” I was amazed! After a year of waiting and longing, he was finally home!

We would go out for dinner – me pushing him to try Asian, Mexican, etc telling him to “live a little” and he also started studying at ACOM.

Then in August of 2004 we went over to the Gold Coast for a friends wedding. While we were there I stayed for one night at a hotel with my granny. Russell came over; as he had told me he needed to have a chat with me. All 3 of us were sitting in the hotel spa and it was uncomfortable again (our relationship is full of uncomfortable situations it seems!) so granny said she would go make some lunch. Off she went leaving us to spa away. I asked Russell what he needed to chat about (I knew full well what it was about) and he said he needed to get something out of his bag. So off he went to the hotel room, got his bag, explained to granny he had a book or something to get out of it, came back down to the spa, and with balled fists (for fear of dropping the ring in the water) came over and proposed.

Russ: Will you marry me?

Bek: Will you make me iced teas in the middle of the night when I’m pregnant?

Russ: Yes (trying not to laugh)

Bek: Ok then, Yes!!

We called family and friends straight away and as I sat on the plane home later that weekend, Russell asleep drooling on my shoulder, me staring at my ring, I couldn’t believe just how blessed I was to have Russell…drool and all.

We then came back and hopped into wedding preparations. Russell’s best mate had gotten engaged a couple of months before hand and didn’t want us to get married before him, but we couldn’t wait as long as they wanted so we got married in 10mths, rather than 20mths that was being suggested. The friend wasn’t too happy, but soon got over it. My advice to anyone out there getting married…do not wait for other peoples perfect timing, rely on Gods timing and everything will work out.

Then the rest is history.

The other week I was laughing with Russell over how when we were dating we thought we knew everything there was to know about each other. I would say that we had only scratched the surface. I’m sure I’ll be 90yrs and Russell will tell me something new. Our journey really wasn’t a very long one, but God has been with us every step of the way. It’s not really the most romantic story, but it is our story. I wouldn’t change any part of it for the world!