Paper Scissors Rock

My cousin sent this to me last night. Ah, it made me laugh this morning :)


"I understand how scissors can beat paper, and I get how a rock can beat scissors, but there's no way paper can beat rock. Is paper supposed to magically wrap around rock and leave it immobile? Why then can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody. A rock would tear it up in 2 seconds. When I play rock, paper, scissors, I always choose rock. When somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you..."