morning-mares

I have dreams, no make that nightmares. Its not a uncommon for me to have a couple of them a week. Usually I am ok and they don’t bother me that much. Once in awhile however, I have really graphic ones. I dream about murders happening and usually I am watching the killer ‘do his work’. These are the ones that make me jump awake and cling to Russell through the night.

I also have dreams where, I believe, God is trying to tell me something. I had a dream once about my manager at work having an abortion, 3 days later she came and told me that she had one. God doesn’t just flat out tell me though. Sometimes it takes a little time for me to figure them out. For example with the abortion one, I dreamt that I was at work and there was a little baby girl, who was about the size of my fist, left out in our back storeroom. I spent all day trying to keep her alive, and my manager just kept telling me to leave it alone, and that she didn’t care if it died or not. I kept going out the back all day trying to look after her, but by the end of the day she died. I woke up thinking that it was a really weird dream and thought nothing of it. It wasn’t until she told me she had had the abortion that it clicked. Another one I have had is about my youngest brother. I usually dream about him in a protective manner, I dream that he is dead or I’ve lost him and am running around trying to find him. I believe this is just coming from a protective sister state though. A couple of months ago though, I had a dream that I was sitting at work and he came in to see me. He had scars and wounds all over his body and I was trying to look after all the scars and gaping wounds on his back. That was it. I was talking to my mum about it later that week and she mentioned that he has been going through a lot of spiritual battle lately and that he had been having a lot of rough nights, and maybe God was trying to tell me to pray for him. I kinda liked this dream because it really brought spiritual warfare to the front of my mind and made it a lot more real. My little brother was in a battle and although we cant see the scars that it left him, or the scars that we all have, we know its real.

As I said, I have crazy dreams, but what disturbs me are the ones that circle mainly around murder. I often dream that my parents are hunted down and killed in front of my eyes, or that my whole family gets killed.

Last night, well it was more like morning, I had a dream that Russell and I got hung. There is nothing worse than dreaming about watching your husband get strangled to death. This was another one of those detailed and gorey dreams. It wasn’t just me and him though, it was a couple of friends as well and we were all standing in line with nooses around our necks (we were all Christian by the way) and one by one we were strangled. It wasn’t like we were dropped though, it was more like hanging someone but in reverse. They would pull the rope up and then we would all dangle.

I am still trying to get the pictures out of my mind of Russell hanging there struggling to breathe. Then when it happened to me I was choking and struggling to breathe and this is what woke me up. I woke up struggling and choking for breath. I couldn’t breath properly and started to panic a little. I started to calm a little, and it wasn’t until around 1hr after the dream that my breathing pattern returned to normal and I was able to take proper breaths, which was roughly around 7.30am. I had to get ready for work but Russell was still asleep and I was too scared to go have a shower, so I turned ALL the lights on in the house and just washed my face. Now I’m sitting at work feeling filthy. Eewww…I know, I’m gross! I'm hanging out for a shower at the moment. In previous situations I have woken Russell up and made him sit on the floor in the bathroom so that he is there when I have a shower and I feel a little safer. He usually slumps against the wall and tries to stay awake, so I didnt have the heart to wake him up and drag him into the bathroom this morning.

Now as I write this I am still freaked out. Not only was the dream scary, but I think the fact that I felt like I was being strangled doesn’t help. After having a few hours to reflect, I am thinking that there is a little bit of spiritual warfare going on in my life. Its only since I have decided to start trying to get things sorted out with me and God, that my dreams have returned. I honestly don’t think Satan would be too happy about this, and is really trying to throw things at me along the way. I don’t mind having these dreams, and I reckon it’s a really cool way that God communicates with me, maybe I just have a sick mind and that’s the cause of my horrible dreams about death.

I’m pleased with myself though. For once I’m not blaming God for what happened, not just with my dream (I never blame him for those) but also in a few other situations that have come along in the past couple of weeks, and I feel a lot more peace because of it.