A spirit of Fear

As you can probably tell, I’ve had a bad couple of weeks.

It’s funny how everything has panned out recently.

When we had the miscarriage, it was during holiday time and we only saw the small group once. We were isolated and had no real support or anyone to talk to. I’ve come to realise that it is during these times that Satan really likes to get a hold of you.

I was listening to lies and thoughts that were just downright ridiculous! We hadn’t seen anyone for about 4/5 weeks and the strain of trying to cope with everything allowed me to weaken and to listen to the enemy.

You would think that I would know what was going on, but because I felt so isolated and alone, I would listen to things that were just dragging me lower and lower. It wasn’t until I was able to spend some time with a couple of friends this week that I was able to share my burden and to be refreshed. I realised that I had been allowing myself to believe the lies swirling around in my head and that I had been self-destructing.

When I think back to all the things I had listened to and believed, I realised just how stupid they were. It’s funny how when you are feeling weak and defeated, that you believe some of the most outrageous things.

But, I think I am on the mend. I am still grieving, but I am clinging onto the hope that God has good things in store for me. I have been living with a spirit of fear, and it is really hard to train your thoughts, but I hope that through this experience God will teach me to listen to him, and not to the lies of our enemy. That God does not in-still within us a spirit of fear. That instead of trying to look after myself, to place myself in his hands and to allow him to heal me.

Romans 8:15
“For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father."