Wish you were here

I keep telling Russell that I wish I could just hold our baby just once and then put it back to continue it's baking.

Have you ever loved someone so much and not been able to see or be with them? I have. When Russ and I first started dating we were separated for a year! It was torture. While I can feel the baby moving and growing inside of me, I am desperate to hold it and love it in person! I hate not being able to touch it and kiss it. Patience I know, patience.

This is starting to play tricks on my mind though. Last night I dreamt I was at work and the baby was kicking and moving around. I felt my belly and felt an arm 'part'. I grabbed it and was holding it and holding it's tiny little hand.

Then somehow I managed to pull our baby out of my belly!

It was a......................girl.

And she was absolutely beautiful. She had black hair which I styled into a mohawk and she had Russell's beautiful big blue eyes.

I was holding her and playing with her...she didn't have blood or gunk on her, she was completely normal!

Then everyone started telling me I had to put her back. That I couldn't just hold her and play with her, that she needed to go back.

But I wouldn't listen

"No, it's my baby I want to hold her!"

"You can't tell me what to do!!!!"

I was extremely frustrated that people were getting all upset over it! Couldn't they see how happy I was, how happy she was? Everything was fine!

Anyway...the dream kind of ended there and I don't think I tried putting her back, I don't really know what happened. It was kind of weird and I told Russell about it in the morning. He just gives me 'the look' and laughs at me. Kisses me and tells me "soon babe, soon"

Sigh, patience, patience