Our amazing camping trip

The lovely Asher & Jaye

Look people's!! That is our tent in the background, and look....wild animals!! Sooo close...this was the joey and it's mum

"C'mon baby light my fire"

Hamelin Bay - we felt like we were on the carribbean

Russell going for a faceplant after trying out his skim board

Ouch

Looks like he is getting there

A feast fit for a king. 2min noodles, meat patties from some people we met and had left-overs, fried potatoes, baked beans, spaghetti and bread....mmmmmmm

The beach near our campsite

This is my favourite shot from the weekend. It's J & A watching the sunset

We found heaps of salt on the rocks

This was taken just after J & A slipped on that slippery moss...hehehehe it still cracks me up

Another fav shot. I'm going to get it put onto canvas and hung in our kitchen/dining area

The sunset - aahhhhhh beautiful

Jen & Wills Wedding - Jan 5th

The location - Burns Beach (I think so anyway)

Waiting for the bride

The bridesmaids

Jen & her dad - Jen looked stunning

Exchanging of Rings

Ooh la la

Mr & Mrs Willem Van Wildeman (I think that's right!)

The reception was a lunch under a huge marquee in the park, it was lovely and relaxed

A few guests with their parasoles

The new Mrs. W

After lunch they set up bocce and had people form teams and had playoffs while the family had all their photos done. Pretty good idea I reckon

Quote of the day

"Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere"

- Martin Luther King Jr., Letter from Birmingham Jail, April 16, 1963

Wine, Cheese, and slippery moss...the ingredients for a great weekend

What an amazing and blessed weekend we had away.

On Friday arvo we packed up and headed down to Margaret River with some good friends, Jaye & Asher. We had a brief stop over at KFC in Bunbury, this was the most disgusting store I have ever been to, I don’t think the floors or tables had been cleaned in a month! By the time we reached our campsite it was about 9/9.30pm and pitch black.

Asher and I hopped out of the car and 2 HUGE kangaroos hopped past us. I was left screaming “Asher, Asher, come back…” I don’t think he heard me so I jumped back into the car while Russell parked.

We then proceeded to set up our tents in pitch black...this was really fun! It was great though because none of us got narky with each other and we laughed the whole time. I was freaked out about animals coming to get me so I had to drag Jaye along whenever I had to pee. Oh, that reminds me, there was only a long drop toilet...it stunk. We would all hold on as long as possible, and then go to the toilet when we were in a town or at a petrol station, but sometimes you just had to use the long drop.

The first morning we were getting breakfast ready and about 50m from our tent was a daddy, mummy, and baby kangaroo’s. They were so graceful jumping around and drinking water. I say, it was like we were on a safari.

Saturday was spent getting a few supplies from IGA and travelling around to cheese factories, the chocolate factory, and a couple of wineries. We went and visited Russell’s uncle who owns the winery called “Harman’s Ridge Estate” they produce wines such as ‘Howling Wolves’ and ‘HRe’. He took us through the winery and we got to see how wine is produced, the machines used and the cellar. It was really amazing. We had pies in Dunsborough and went to the beach in Yallingup where the waves were MASSIVE! I stayed in the little lagoon where little kids were playing and watched the boys trying out their skim board…that is a lot of fun!!

That night we played dominoes and a card game called ‘Frustration’ till about 1am and then headed off to bed. The next day was a little more relaxed and we played some more cards, had a lazy lunch, I fell asleep while they played dominoes, and then we headed down to the closest beach near us to play French Cricket and to watch the sunset.

There were heaps of rocks around so we were climbing around all the rocks and watch the waves come up the side. It was amazing. Asher took a giant step and slipped on some moss and fell in between the rocks! Once he pulled himself out, Jaye ran over saying “Asher, are you ok?” she slipped on the same moss and fell on Asher. It was hilarious! I couldn’t stop laughing. Asher had cuts all over his legs and Jaye had a bad fall. I felt so bad, but I couldn’t stop laughing it was too funny! We watched the amazing sunset and then headed home. I can’t remember what we did that night, but I think it involved hot chocolates and more cards.

The next day we were lazy again but we found out when the tennis was being played and headed into the town and to a local pub. We made some friends and watched the tennis. The bar told us we had to be out by 10pm and the game finished with about 5mins to spare. May I just add here, woo hoo Djokovich!!

By the time we got home we were all tired and exhausted and went straight to bed. The next day we packed up camp and went on our merry way home.

On the way home we stopped by Rivendell and had scones with jam & cream and coffees, with a couple of rounds of cards. By the time we got home it was about 4pm. We were exhausted from a day of travel and fell asleep at about 9pm.

On a whole the weekend was full of blessed conversations, fun, challenges, and teaching. We got so much out of the weekend and we are loving spending time with J & A more and more. We consider them one of our closest friends and we feel truly blessed by God to have had them brought into our lives.

I will post photos of our trip tomorrow…but for the meanwhile, I need to get back into work mode.

Nakey camping...just the way I like it

This weekend we are going camping!! YAY!

I thought I would draw you all a little picture to show you what we will be doing.

The green box is our tent. It is a 12 person tent so that when we have 10 kids we will have enough room to take them all camping.

Apparently the grass is fluoride in Margaret River, and the sky is a weird blue.

That is me on the left, with long dread-like hair (this is caused from having no shower for 4 days), and Russ is on the left. I have just slapped Russ on the bum, hence the expression on his face. For some reason our face is white, but our bodies are black. Go figure

Down the bottom is the huge big fish Russ caught and we are just about to cook it on the fire.

Oh, and I just noticed we. are. naked.

This is going to be a FUN weekend! :)

How to make me smile all day long

Me: I miss u :(

Russ: I miss u 2...r u ok?

Me: Yeh just wish I was home wit u. Do u still like me?

Russ: No I dont like u....I am deeply in love with u :)


Now let me hear a collective...."aaawwwwwwwww"

If this is a just phase, I hope it passes soon

When I was about 5 I knew what I wanted to do with my life. I was going to be a midwife. All through my childhood I wanted to deliver babies...I even remember asking my mum if there was such a job.

My life however, seems to have gone down an entirely different track. It has gone down paths that I rather it hadn't and now I find myself stuck in an office job, encouraging consumerism. I work in Finance (yuck) and help finance businesses to buy stuff. Yes, it helps their business and generate income, but I can't stand the main drive of what I do, to make more profit for this bank and to put people into debt. A couple of hundred $k don't really mean anything. That used to mean big money to me, but now it is just a number, and I don't look at the person, I look at the dollar sign and our budget for the month.

Moving on, didn't mean to bore you with some of the logistics of what I do.

What I want to do, and what I have always wanted to do, I am not doing!

In the last 6 or so months I have felt my heart pulling me to going back to some sort of studies. When I was originally at Uni I was studying to be a Journalist. Still not studying what I really wanted to do. I did Journalism because I was told that I was a good writer. It was amazing that I got into the course considering I didn't do my TEE. The only TEE subject I did at school was English, and my marks were good enough in that one subject alone (I have to boast, it's the one good thing I've done) to get me into a bridging course at Uni and then onto Journalism.

I soon left my course - never to return - a huge horror to my parents and I still remember crying in their room telling them that I didn't want to do it, and seeing the disappointment in my dad's eyes. I follow after my dad and he is a fantastic teacher and 'english' person...he is a good writer and speaker, and I take after his footsteps, and when I left Uni I felt that I had let him down enormously. I had to leave though, I was feeling choked and I just wanted to get out.

I worked in numerous cafes and eventually landed a job at the bank as a teller. After only 3 months I was blessed to land the job I am currently in. I came up to my office for a couple days relief work and they offered me a job a couple of weeks later. This was one of those situations where God truly had his hand on all the finer details. I could not have got this job on my own.

I am skilled where I am. I have learnt so much in this role and I really have a wide knowledge in my specialised area.

Yet, I'm still not happy. I never chose to pursue a career in Finance. It just landed in my lap. I don't like coming to work everyday and I am struggling to find my purpose in life.

It was when I started to remember the dreams I had as a little girl, and I started to remember all the different nudgings I have had from God throughout the years, that I started to contemplate going back to Uni.

There are some obstacles however. I cannot simply up and leave my job or we will lose the house and all sources of income.

Russell is still studying...and who knows how many more years that is going to take.

We are still trying for kids...if I start, will I ever finish the degree if kids come along?

The cost of each unit.

Then, the other night I was watching some t.v. and an add came on for studying at Uni online. You may have seen it?

It came up with a web address and the next day I had a little squiz.

I could study my bachelor in nursing online through the University of South Australia. I can study part-time or full-time. In my circumstance it would have to be part-time.

One unit a trimester. I can handle that can't I?

This morning as I was walking to work I decided to try not to figure too much out. If this is what God is wanting me to do, then it will all fall into place. There are a few things I need to do though:

• Gain my Senior First Aid Certificate
• Gain a National Police Clearance
• Get a needle for Hep B
• Get a needle for Tuberculosis
• Apply for Fee Assistance and see if I am eligible

I need to do all this before Feb the 15th. This is the last day for enrolments. I have 3 weeks to decided whether to throw myself into this, or to give up the dream.

I am posting about this because I need your prayers. Please pray that if this is truly what God wants me to do, then I won't be lazy and leave things at the last minute. Pray that I feel God's direction in my life, pray that if it's not what God wants me to do that I will feel a peace about it.

This is a bit of a scary thing to contemplate and I have no idea what direction God is taking me/us down.

I will keep you updated as this story unfolds...if this is just a phase, pray it will soon pass :)

Welcome to the world...Georgia

Born 4.46am on the 15th of Jan, I got a new little cousin...

Georgia Grace Leilani Furlong, 7lb 11oz and 55cm.

Her two big brothers, Austin (left) and Harry

All 3 siblings have awesome names.

Harrisson James Washington

Austin, ummmm....., ummmm.....he has 2 middle names too, really cool ones, but I can't remember them at the moment

You can already tell she is a Furlong...we all have the 'Furlong Nose'.
I love this photo, I think it is my favourite

A wrinkled footsie.

Thanks to my cousin Elise for all the photos...love you hon!

Congrats to Uncle Gary & Aunty Deb....hopefully one day I will get a cuddle!!

blech

Today is a good day.

I got to have lunch with my man and Jaye & Asher in the park. It was really nice to just sit, hang, and eat ham & cheese sandwiches.

We are going camping this long weekend!! We can't wait!! We are going with Jaye & Asher and are going to a site where there are no showers! I think I may be bathing in the ocean - watch out any onlookers :)

We will take our camera down and I'll be able to put up pics of us ferrals! Who knows, I may come back with plaited armpit hairs!!

Love 2008

I was sent this from my mum-in-law. It's quite nice.

Reality bites (and sucks)

I thought I was doing so well and all it took was one small trip back to the hospital this morning, and I come crumbling back down to reality.

I had to go and get my final blood test done this morning to make sure that I have nothing hanging around in my system.

I knew what the result would be, but I guess I was hoping for a miracle.

The finality of it all really hit this morning, and I am finding that all the doubts are creeping back in. So many “what ifs” and “Should I have…?” or “if only…” come back to take up residence in my mind space.

It was horrible to sit in the waiting room with 10 women with swollen bellies sitting around me and I am just sitting there, flat tummy, and no more sore boobs. I miss my sore boobs…weird I know.
They all have their babies and the harsh reality that mine is gone hits once again.

I’m back at work and trying to regain the focus I had last week, but I feel as though I am slowly losing my grip and I'm losing all resolve that things will be ok.

I’m sorry for being so fake…I truly thought I had overcome this, but I am not as strong as you all think. I’m sorry to be a disappointment. I’m sorry.

Whacky Dodgy Small Group

My small group is going to excommunicate me if I keep this up, but I just had to share with you a little more about all of us twisted little souls.

Last week my cousin sent out a probing questionnaire to find out more about each other. What I found out didn’t surprise me. We have a bunch of very funny and quirky people. And yes, this is what we do when while we are all supposed to be working!!

And just quickly…is anyone else with me on the whole Rolling Stones v Beatles thing??

When did you last cry?

Me: I think it was Monday
Rick: When bella was born
Pete: Last night watching gladiator (please don’t kill me for posting that petey!!)
Bec: Last week
Eliza: About 10 mins ago
Ali: Fri for baby Ingram

Do you have kids?

Me: Nope unless you count my little boy Jet
Rick: Two of them every morning I wake up
Pete: Not that I’ll admit to
Bec: No
Eliza: No
Ali: Zac & Lachy

If you were someone else, would you be friends with you?

Me: probably...but that doesn't really work, because if I wasn’t me, then there would be no me to be friends with????!!!
Rick: I’d be lining up to be my friend
Pete: Damn straight. You’d have to be crazy not too and I wouldn’t be that if I was someone else even
Bec: No
Eliza: too many hypotheticals, that question makes my brain hurt
Ali: Probably, except when I’d want to punch myself

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Me: only since marrying russell. i still don't get his sarcasm sometimes but I am learning!
Rick: NO!!!!
Pete: Yes
Bec: Yes
Eliza: No my sense of humour is far more sophisticated ;)
Ali: Never (that was me being sarcastic)


Would you bungee jump?

Me: No…never
Rick: NO!!!
Pete: No, not by choice
Bec: No
Eliza: No way
Ali: Yes

What is your favourite cereal?

Me: Fruit loops (and only eat one colour at a time)
Rick: Although I would have said Foot Loops, in my old age it has become Crunchy Nut Cornflakes.
Pete: Toasted muesli
Bec: Coco Pops although i have discovered they make me sick
Eliza: Weetbix and vanilla almond granola with soy milk
Ali: Nutrigrain

Do you untie your laces when you take off your shoes?

Me: nope...then I complain because I can't get them untied in order to put them back on. I think this was the bane of my dad's life when I was a little girl getting ready for school!
Rick: Heck yes! We have rules in society for a reason
Pete: Yes
Bec: No
Eliza: yes, but I usually avoid shoes with laces
Ali: No

Do you think that you are strong?

Me: not physically...but I am surprising myself at the moment emotionally :)
Rick: I'm always surprised at how much I can lift...one crying baby, a large box of Crunchy Nut Cornflakes, a queen sized quilt and cover...
Pete: I can lift more than I weigh so I am relatively strong.
Bec: depends on the situation
Eliza: more talk than walk
Ali: I pushed 2 babies out does that make me strong

What is your favourite ice cream flavour?

Me: green apple from gelato....mmmmm
Rick: Chunky Monkey from Simmo's
Pete: Vanilla (anyone who says it’s not a flavour – get stuffed)
Bec: boysenberry...yummmmmm!
Eliza: it's not strictly icecream, but anyone who hasn't been to amano gelati bar in fremantle should leave work now and go there. try baci or freo delight or passionfruit or... any of them!
Ali: Chocolate/caramel/honeycombe mixture

What is the first thing you notice about people?

Me: how they act.
Rick: Their hair.
Pete: Whether they are happy
Bec: how they look
Eliza: hmmm probably their style
Ali: Their mood

Red or pink?

Me: Red
Rick: Nipples?? (sicko)
Pete: Pink
Bec: Pink
Eliza: pink (so long as it's not too sickly)
Ali: Pink

What do you least like about yourself?

Me: the way i overthink everything
Rick: My pot belly that can come and go depending on the meal I just ate (mostly it keeps coming).
Pete: Not having the courage to do the things I really want
Bec: everything except my eyes
Eliza: at the moment, my turmeric stained nails that make me look like a hardened smoker
Ali: the way i overthink everything (ditto bek) and I’m too black and white

Who do you miss most?

Me: all my fam over east!!
Rick: It would have been nice to have seen how far Nirvana would have went if Kurt wasn't such an idiot.
Pete: :) no comment
Bec: my friends in brisbane
Eliza: all my favourite people who i am distant from temporally, spatially or emotionally
Ali: Some me time


What colours are you wearing?

Me: shiny green top and black pants
Rick: Blue, red and green, I'm my own little flag!
Pete: Light blue shirt, grey blue pin stripe pants, and chocolate coloured shoes and belt
Bec: its 11am and im still in my blue pjs...i luv holidays
Eliza: black and all sorts of shades of green and blue
Ali: Grey pyjamas ( its only 11am)

Four people you'd like to come to dinner

Me: jaye and asher, and (hey my color just turned blue!!! - dont know what i just pressed) robbo and kaylee...havent seen them in a while
Rick: Assuming that my wife and kids would be there, Einstein, Dave Grohl, Johnny Depp and Jesus. Good one Bek, now everybody's writing is going to be blue unles they can be bothered to change the text colour...ANYONE?!?
Pete: It’s too hard to pick
Bec: tanya, kristy, kj and ettiene...that would be a blast...oh but then theres rachel a-l, dana, em and jord, tam, chris how is one sposed to choos only 4
Eliza: ooooh too hard. the turmeric experience has put me off cooking! let's say any 4 people who bring me a lobster dinner!
Ali: Bek and russ to catch up, my small group, Linley, sorry can’t count

What are you listening to right now?

Me: office sounds.....(and im back to black again!! what the!!!!!) lynnie asking me if I want a tea :)
Rick: The hum of the air conditioner, Bella moaning, Sanda trying to feed her and a little voice in my head that keeps telling me I should be doing soemthing slightly more constructive now (shhhhh little voice)
Pete: Ben and Zjelcko talking
Bec: my computer and a plane...im all alone in an empty quiet house
Eliza: my two colleagues tap tap tapping on their keyboards, and someone jingling what must be a massive set of keys.
Ali: Lachy measuring the furniture

If you were a crayon, what colour would you be?

Me: purple
Rick: Midnight blue
Pete: Blue
Bec: aqua
Eliza: can i be one of those soap crayons you can write on the bathroom walls with? they are colourful, fun and functional! (I have no idea what soap crayons are functional for though…nice one liza!!)
Ali: White cause I’de stay new the longest

Favourite smell?

Me: bread cooking, mum's roast in the oven,
Rick: A pine plantation when it has been rained on (no idea when he has smelt one of those)
Pete: Joop and Tommy (obviously pete likes to smell dudes necks!)
Bec: i luv the smell of the jasmine bushes in flower at mt coot-tha
Eliza: oooh my Dad's bread, fresh baking cookies, frangipanis, the ocean. i have an overactive olfactory system to make up for my visual disabilities
Ali: Baby smell (the good one)

Who was the last person that you talked to on the phone?

Me: lyn...telling her I dont want a tea, but Ive changed my mind and now i want one!! :) (hopefully she'll get the hint from this email) OH and I just talked to a banker wanting to know if we can finance air con...pffft YEAH RIGHT!!
Rick: Does texting count? I have given up answering the phone (especially when Sanda is here) as it is usually soemone annoying. The last person I did speak to that was great to talk to was Zoe.
Pete: Eliza
Bec: mum...a few mins ago to organise goin to lunch with her in freo...gee i better get ready then hehe!!
Eliza: Think it was Pete
Ali: Sanda

Favourite sports?

Me: netball, basketball, league (though I rarely get to watch any of it) lacrosse...watching my man run around hitting people, love it!!
Rick: Those two words shouldn't be in the same sentence when addressing me!
Pete: Golf, cricket, tennis, ping pong, beach volleyball. Damn I love sport ;)
Bec: anything except golf and lawn bowls...but especially cricket and rugby union (the game played in heaven)
Eliza: basketball, sailing
Ali: netball, swimming watching footy/soccer

Hair colour?

Me: i think it's light brown with blonde highlights, but im not really sure anymore
Rick: Brown when dry, black when wet and stacks more greys creeping in everyday.
Pete: Who knows. Straw?
Bec: dark brown (praacticallly black)
Eliza: it's been a long tiem since i saw my natural colour. at the moment it is blonde (going brassy) with regrowth that demands my attention (and my credit card)
Ali: Blonde with brown highlights?


Do you wear contact lenses?

Me: No
Rick: No, glasses are soooooo much cooler.
Pete: Sometimes
Bec: No
Eliza: sure, when i shelve my nerd costume for my bimbo costume
Ali: No

Favourite food?

Me: all mum's cooking... I love all foods except chilli's and pickles...ewwwww
Rick: Far too much, scallopini, spaghetti marinara, mosaic (romanian cake), etc
Pete: Meat – especially a good pepper steak
Bec: Italian
Eliza: Dad's bread, curry, gelati, BBQd fresh seafood, small group dinners, my fruit cake, anything homemade when i'm hungry
Ali: Jaffles on an open fire

Scary movies or happy endings?

Me: happy endings....cant handle scary movies...i have a weak bladder and can't make it through without wetting myself
Rick: I went off scary movies once I got married and realised I was now this family's best defence against chainsaw weilding psychos (I bet you thought I was going to write once I got married I started living my own scary movie didn't you??? See I am also spontateous!!).
Pete: Both
Bec: Happy endings
Eliza: scary movies don't scare me, but happy movies move me.
Ali: Happy endings

Last movie you watched?

Me: some random one called 'stage beauty' with clare danes...WEIRD...its about dudes who used to act as women 'cos it was illegal for women to act and then the king changes the law and now chicks can act on stage...it's just really weird!!
Rick: Hmmmmm, tough one, we have two kids. Ummm, Transformers..no, no wait, The Bourne Ultimatum (we haven't watched a DVD since early 2007??).
Pete: A little bit of Gladiator to check out my new TV – Awesome
Bec: Elisabethtown
Eliza: oh this is REALLY embarrassing, i was recovering from being sick on the weekend and found myself slumped in front of Mariah Carey's Glitter
Ali: Flushed away with lachy and linley


What colour shirt are you wearing?

Me: shiny green (remember...shiny!!)
Rick: Blue and red (it was the underwaer that is green...oops off comes the underwear)
Pete: Light blue – kind of aqua. Whatever
Bec: pjs
Eliza: all sorts of shades of green and blue
Ali: Grey


Hugs or kisses?

Me: hugs
Rick: Special adult hugs (or kisses in the right places).
Pete: Kisses
Bec: hugs
Eliza: hugs, they're more widely applicable!
Ali: hugs but kisses from lachy

Favourite sound?

Me: music?? this is a bit of a weird question
Rick: The sound of opening a bag with a brand new, unread comic in it.
Pete: Jack’s Mannequin
Bec: kids laughing and having fun
Eliza: a friends's voice when you pick up the phone
Ali: Children sleeping

Worst sound?

Me: still...weird question
Rick: The sound of opening a bag with a brand new, unread comic in it in bed when Sanda is asleep and she stirs then I know I am going to cop it
Pete: the sound of a breaking bone.
Bec: (I think we are still waiting on her answer!)
Eliza: a telemarketer's voice when you pick up the phone
Ali: Zac doing something in his nappy

Rolling Stones or Beatles?

Me: rolling stones
Rick: Both are very over-rated but especially the Rolling Stones. So it is the Beatles by default.
Pete: Beatles
Bec: beatles
Eliza: the beatles
Ali: Beatles


Do you have a special talent?

Me: I can roll my tongue :)
Rick: Making people laugh? Being able to go without farting (I HATE that word) for however long is necessary
Pete: Ye lots of them.
Bec: hmmm not that I know of...
Eliza: I used to be able to do a high kick and tap my toe on the top of a doorway. Superceded by giving shoulder rides to fully grown adults. Now I choose more sedate pursuits, like cake decorating.
Ali: Singing out of tune

You can see why I love these guys!!!

Strange peace

I am feeling as though I am not coming across very compassionate or not very caring.

I went back to work on Wed. this week and I am consumed with guilt because I haven’t cried. Everyone on the floor thought I would be bursting into tears every 30mins and don’t really think that I am upset about our loss at all. I’m starting to get a little stressed over it.

Now, I’m not a crier. I don’t like to cry. I very rarely (if ever) cry or have cried in front of Russell. But last week I cried all day Fri. and that’s all I allowed myself. I don’t want to be a blubbering mess making people feel they have to walk on eggshells around me. I don’t want to let what happened consume me beyond what it should. I don’t want to get overly stressed and overly upset, I just want to allow myself to move on. Everyone at work and friends probably don’t think that I was that upset about what happens, and that stresses me! Am I too calm or happy? Should I still be bursting into tears all day?

It’s weird though, I have a strange peace about it all. 6 months ago I would have blamed God and I honestly don’t know where my faith would be, but it seems that this has drawn me closer to God and I am trusting him (trying to anyway) more than I have about anything else I have before. I think that is the only good thing that I can take out of this whole situation. The fact that God used it to draw me closer to him and to cling to him instead of my own strengths.

But I can’t shake the feeling that I am coming off as insensitive, uncaring, not really hurt by any of it, to people. I hurt like crazy! I am soooo upset that we had to go through something like this, just in order to be closer to God…surely he could’ve come up with a better way?!? I still question myself and I still have doubts creep in every now and then, and I still grieve ‘Baby Ingram’ (as our dodgy small group leaders have so dubbed it). I don’t know when it will hurt less, but I know that my life isn’t over just yet, there is more to come, (hopefully) God isn’t done with me yet!

It is so hard to trust God when you can’t see past the end of the week. It is hard to trust that he knows what is best for us. I’m not saying I’m perfect, but I am trying (for the first time) to place my pain, my tears, my sorrow, my doubts, my questions, my all, into God’s hands, and see where he takes me.

Let me explain...

This time last week I was sitting at work in excruciating pain. The one thought going through my mind was “something’s gone wrong”.

I knew I was pregnant, but I knew something had gone wrong.

Instead of speaking to anyone, I just sat here, in pain, and hoped that it was just a bad stomach ache or gas or something other than what I knew loomed before me. I popped a couple of Nurofen Plus’ but they didn’t even make a dent in the pain.

We went to dinner at my parents that night to celebrate my brother and sis-in-laws birthdays. But, as I usually do, I acted happy and content and I sat in silence fighting to not talk to my mum about anything. I didn’t want to make a big deal over something so small (small at the time). When we went home I went straight to bed. I was constantly woken up by pain. I was getting sweaty and was crippled over in pain I couldn’t lie still. I went to the toilet and was bleeding everywhere. I wandered back into our bedroom and was curled up on the floor. Russell asked if I was ok to which I replied “I think I’ve just had a miscarriage”.

To which Russell headed to the toilet to throw up. I crawled down to the kitchen to get him some water and brought it back to him, and was rubbing his back. He sent me back to our bedroom and told me to just rest. When he was done he came back and said we needed to go to the hospital. Being stubborn as I am I refused and said we would wait till morning.

The next morning we went to the doctor and she did a pregnancy test, positive, she then said that there were 3 possibilities. That it was Ectopic, that I had already miscarried, or that I was about to miscarry. None of which included me keeping my baby.

I was then sent straight to King Edward to get numerous tests done. Russell had to go into the city to do a job test application thing and met up with me at King Edward (great timing). I had countless examinations done – all of which were completely embarrassing and humiliating…”oh wait there’s someone over there that hasn’t seen, why not invite them to join the party?!?”

While I was waiting for one of the doctors I asked the nurse that if it was Ectopic, if I could still keep my baby, she laughed and said no and I just burst into tears. I was over it all, and couldn’t believe that this was happening to me. Why me/us? Why did God take our baby away.

To make things worse, a girl at my work is 9 weeks pregnant, and is completely fine.

To cut a long story short, I have been in and out of the doctor’s surgery and the hospital, making sure it wasn’t Ectopic, and what not. It ends up that it was just a natural miscarriage, and they cannot really explain why. I was 7 weeks along, so would’ve been 8 weeks today.

I’ve had a while to process all this. I have cried too many tears and am completely physically and emotionally exhausted. It is amazing how attached and how much love you can have for someone that hasn’t been around long, and how much it hurts when you feel that loss. But, I don’t blame this on God. There must be a good reason as to why this wasn’t meant to be. That is the only thing that I have left to cling to. I have hope that God has got even greater plans in store for me. I can’t keep blaming myself either. I was going over all the stupid things I had done over the last couple of weeks and kept beating myself up over them, but I can’t keep going down that track. It won’t bring my baby back.

I just want to move on, continue to enjoy life, cling to God, and cling to my amazing husband – it’s been great timing since he hasn’t had to be at work at all! – and cling to the hope that God has got us in mind, that he will bless us with children, and that all will be ok.

It will all be ok.

Church Shopping update

Our first Sunday looking for a new church went well last week. We went to a local church near our place and really enjoyed it.

The service was only 45mins! How great is that!?! However, it is January and things tend to get a little laid back (more so than usual in Australia), but it was still great. The music team has been given January off to rest and they just had a keyboard and a singer, but it was fantastic. I/we felt comfortable and people are really friendly. A guy in his mid – late 40’s came up and introduced himself and was just so passionate! Also during the sermon, people were relaxed enough to ask questions if they didn’t hear something which is good to see. It just feels so much more flexible than what we have experienced recently. It doesn’t feel so rigid and like they’ve got a poker up their butts.

I don’t want to go looking at churches and simply compare them to our last church. This wouldn’t be fair. We do however have an idea of what we are looking for, whether we find it or not is another thing!

For the time being though, I am happy to just ‘be’. To just go to church, no anxiety attached, to just enjoy and to just ‘be’ me. I am enjoying this stage in life that I am currently in. I am falling more and more in love with Russell…heck if it’s this good after 3 years, how good is it going to be in 30 yrs!! Can’t wait!!

All week I have had this stuck in my head:

“To bring our lives as a daily offering, of worship to, the Servant King”

I pray that I can live my life as a daily offering to God.

Food for Thought

This is really interesting, and I got it from here. It really makes you think.

Take a good look at the number of people in each family and the quantity of food!

Japan: The Ukita family of Kodaira City Food expenditure for one week: 37,699 Yen or $317.25

Italy: The Manzo family of Sicily Food expenditure for one week: 214.36 Euros or $260.11

Germany: The Melander family of Bargteheide Food expenditure for one week: 375.39 Euros or $500.07

United States: The Revis family of North Carolina Food expenditure for one week: $341.98

Mexico: The Casales family of Cuernavaca Food expenditure for one week: 1,862.78 Mexican Pesos or $189.09

Poland: The Sobczynscy family of Konstancin-Jeziorna Food expenditure for one week: 582.48 Zlotys or $151.27

Egypt: The Ahmed family of Cairo Food expenditure for one week: 387.85 Egyptian Pounds or $68.53

Ecuador: The Ayme family of Tingo Food expenditure for one week : $31.55

Bhutan: The Namgay family of Shingkhey Village Food expenditure for one week: 224.93 ngultrum or $5.03

Kuwait: The Al Haggan family of Kuwait City Food expenditure for one week: 63.63 dinar or $221.45

China: The Dong family of Beijing Food expenditure for one week: 1,233.76 Yuan or $155.06

United States: The Caven family of California Food expenditure for one week: $159.18

Mongolia: The Batsuuri family of Ulaanbaatar Food expenditure for one week: 41,985.85 togrogs or $40.02

Great Britain: The Bainton family of Cllingbourne Ducis Food expenditure for one week: 155.54 British Pounds or $253.15

Chad: The Aboubakar family of Breidjing Camp Food expenditure for one week: 685 CFA Francs or $1.23

Church Shopping

That is a really horrible title, but I can't come up with anything else!

It basically is what we are doing!

We are starting our new hunt on Sunday for a church to minister in. I think we are going to head down to Powerhouse this Sunday, but from there I don't know where we will be going.

It is going to be a little weird. I just want to be able to enjoy myself and not be thinking the whole time about whether this is where God wants us or not. Hopefully I will be able to block out thoughts for 1.5 hrs and just enjoy it, but who knows. My mind rarely stops for a rest.

I am going to ride my bike to church, as long as we can figure out how to change my tyre tube thingy. We don't really have any idea, but I've printed off some instructions off Google so hopefully we should be ok.

I keep telling Russell I will give him a ride, I'll move up on my seat a little and I'm sure he can fit on the back! Either that or he can sit on the handlebars and direct my steering. Who knows, we may turn up at this place and they'll shut the doors on us two doofus'!!

Will update how it went, oh and please pray for us!! (and for the bike to hold up)

The Golden Compass

Last night Russ and I headed out with a couple of friends and saw The Golden Compass (slap wrists).

We had been told by our previous church to avoid the movie at all costs which made us want to go see it even more.

I don't know if you can go through life avoiding things based on what other people say and not investigate things yourself. You can't live life completely ignorant to what is going on. Anyway, that is another subject.

The movie was really great! I really really enjoyed it! Dakota Blue Richards is the main character and I reckon you should keep your eyes peeled for her, she is up & coming I reckon and is an absolutely fantastic little actress.

As far as the movie's points went, I didn't really pick up on anything much, other than an evil institute that is hiding all different conspiracies relating to the Vatican. I was enjoying the movie too much to try and link things up. Russell wouldn't stop thinking all movie though. He has a few ideas, but I am keen to look up on stuff myself, thank goodness for GOOGLE!!

Our 'old' church (only left 1 wk ago) were putting out flyers and newsletters telling all of us to avoid the movie, that it is evil and that we should encourage family and friends to not go see the movie/read the books. This didn't sit too well with us, so we decided to go make our own judgment call on it.

I think that's all parents can really do. When I was younger, if there was a movie out my parents weren't too sure about if I should watch it or not, they would see it first, and then either take me to see it, wait till it came out on DVD, or say I couldn't see it at all.

I don't think we as Christians should be completely ignorant of all that goes on, but I do think we need to be careful sometimes as well. It's a fine line.

What do you guys think?

EDITED:

Here are a couple of links to some interesting articles

Backtracking

Killing God

Pointing towards Atheisim?

They are quite interesting and it is easy enough to find more info via Google.

2008 Goals - hopefully better than the last

Last year I set some goals for what I wanted to achieve in the year. I can't even remember what they were off the top of my head, let alone whether I achieved any of them!

Here is a recap -

No soft-drinks (Im missing my Sarsparella and Ginger Beer already, but so far so good) (lasted until May/June which I think is a pretty fair effort!)

Go to the Gym at least 3 x a week (nup, didn't happen, I even quit my membership!)

Play in a professional (all womens) netball team (nope)

Get back to either my Rugby or Irish Dancing (I think I went to one I/D class and made a phone enquiry bout Rugby)

Have regular quiet times (these were very sporadic)

Prioritise my days. I need to spend more time with Russell. We have both dropped the ball on this. Cant remember the last date we went on, but we need to start making time for each other (I think we did pretty well at this! While the dates were sporadic, I think our relationship went up a notch definately)

Keep studying at BC of WA (my Bible College units) and either do a few short courses at Tafe or a Diploma at Tafe (finished one unit at BC)

Read 1 novel, then 1 self-help book as I like to call them (like books by Max Lucado, christianarchy - thats a good one I want to refresh myself on, etc) (I think I read more fiction than 'self-help' - Read a few Rob Bell, and ALOT of novels!)

Help at Central Point Youth and start to get involved in ministry with Russell (happened until June - when the previous chick leader came back)

Now, for 2008 I have a shorter list

Regular Quiet times - this should be easier since we got a Devotional for couples for Christmas and have already started....so far so good. One down, 365 to go (yes it's a leap year!)

Find a church where we are both comfortable and can fit into well

Maintain vital relationships - not only ours but spending time with people we enjoy rather than people we feel we have to endure

Do some more work on the house. No matter how small it may be. Painting, gardening, paving, removing the random nails in the walls.

HAVE KIDS!!!!

That's all I can really think of at the moment. It's funny how your priorities and goals can change in a year!

Wish me luck (again) or pray!!