I can’t expect my husband to be like my dad

Part 5 in this series.

Now, I’m not saying that I want Russell to be just like my dad. What I mean is that I can’t expect Russell to be the perfect handyman (not that my dad is) straight away.

One of the things I think we girls/women forget is that guys (not just guys but all of us) are still learning. When we first got married, I expected Russell to be the instant handyman as though he automatically turned into one when we got married. I expected him to make all the decisions straightaway. I expected him to be able to instantly fix any bills that came along without any help from me. I expected all these things without thinking that he is only learning. We had only been married 6 months…I can’t expect him to be able to know how to do things just because we got married.

I expected Russell to be able to fix my broken indicator light on my car and how to budget all our finances, etc. I thought he would be able to do all things, “ ‘cos my dad can”. It wasn’t until my mum said that dad was just like Russell when they got married that it clicked. I had been getting so frustrated at Russell for not being able to do anything that I forgot that these things take time. Russell had never had to do any of these things before and here I was demanding that he should know how to do them, and to do them!

So, I have started to try and be more encouraging. Instead of just trying to take over and do it myself (even if I don’t know how to, I will give it a shot) I am just letting Russell try and learn how to do it. He made up our tallboy and bedside tables, the bookshelf, has changed the broken light on my car, and done other numerous odd jobs around the house. We both budget together and we cook together. I think the key for us women is: encouragement. Even if it doesn’t work out the first time, still encourage your man. If a guy has just spent hours trying to fix something or put something together, and its not quite right, do not go and point out all the faults! You will end up pushing him further away and he will never want to try anything again.

At first, I would really have to encourage and push Russell to try and do things himself. Use the hammer or drill or whatever…just give it a go. Now, I don’t really have to even ask and his off fixing his little heart out.

One afternoon a couple of months ago I was in the lounge room and I could hear banging coming from our room, I peeked in and saw Russell hammer in hand nailing a backing board onto our t.v. cabinet (it was really wobbly and was just about dropping off). I walked off with a huge smile on my face. I couldn’t stop smiling as I was just so proud of him. He had taken the initiative to give something a go and have a burl at trying to do something on his own. It still makes me smile now!

This has been a huge thing for me to learn while being married. Things take time. I can’t expect Russell to be able to do anything I need when he has only just been out from under his parents house for a few months (years now). Just as he doesn’t (shouldn’t ) expect me to be the most fabulous cook just because I have become a wife, although it does help if I follow the recipe. I want to encourage any girl/woman out there to be more encouraging rather than demanding (controlling). It is far more rewarding. I might also just point out that it helps to be more encouraging (both men and women) in any circumstance. It creates are far more positive environment.

Now, anyone need something drilled?